Separating from My Husband

My husband and I are separated as well. Visitation issues were our prob. He moved out into his own apt and has his girl friend staying there with him... but he fully supports both homes since I am a SAHM.

Since I have worked for attys I know to get every thing in writing. You can get free legal advice by seeking out attys that offer a free consult. This way you can get your legal questions with out paying money.

You can also have temporary orders done to help with the issues that you are having since you two are both on agreement for the divorce.

As for my husband and myself...we have not made a decision re divorce so we came up with a Separation Agreement. Since TX is not a legal separation state I needed a way to protect myself. So I typed a agreement of the terms re visitation, child support, spousal support, etc. After we agree we will have it notarized.

It is a contract between us two and protects us from "he said, she said" so there are no problems with us.

It has solved a lot of the issues with us and we no longer have arguments.

Here is a site that helped me:

http://www.divorcelawtexas.com/?gclid=CISV86zBn5oCFQMQswo...

You can fill out the blanks and have divorce papers done right there. When your done you pay for it and print it out. You can do it yourself or get help from a legal assist. Then you can take it to an atty and pay by the hour and have them look it over (so you dont pay a retainer) and then you can file it with the corts.

I did my Marriage Settlement Agreement (the agreement my husband and I worked on) on here.

I hope this helps.

You really can't blame your husband by not helping you financially because you decided to leave. Don't forget your husband has just the same amount of rights as you do. You decided to leave the home and your daughter should not have to suffer because of your decision. Like one of the ladies mentioned before me it is almost like abandonment. There are civil ways of transitioning out of a marriage. It gets more expensive for the both of you when you leave. The one that stays at the house has to pay all the bills, and the one that moves out has accrued new bills. Seek an attorney.

I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, I know you love your little girl and it sounds like her daddy does too. I'm going to say something that my husband told me and really put me in a reality check. Yes, as mothers we carry our babies (for 9 months) and we have a bond that daddy's don't. However, that doesn't mean that Daddy doesn't love or care for their children as much as mommies do. My husband and I have had our share of problems, and I've gotten mad and left with our kids, he said that really hurt him, that I can have that much control and he doesn't get to see his kids because I am mad at him.

Unless there is violence involved then I would let your daughter see her daddy.

I know this is a difficult time for you, it will also be hard on your little girl, especially if she has a strong bond with her daddy.

God Bless You!

It is his child too, and he should be able to see her. But keep in mind, technically he can have her in his possesion. So if he doesn't want to give her back right away, then he doesn't have to. If he leaves out of town, he can. Since there is nothing in writing, nothing legal, he has as much right as you do. So I would call the attorney generals office, ask what you can do for a temp order until you can have an attorney assigned to you.

or you can call my attorney Dave Hughey. He will give you free advice. Make sure you tell Kara that it is an emergency, she will patch you through, or make something work for you.

David Hughey ###-###-####

Good Luck and God bless

You really need to talk to a lawyer ASAP. My understanding is that whoever leaves is at a distinct disadavantage when it comes to final settlements etc., - i.e., he can say that you deserted him. And, you need to do this ASAP to get the money for child support etc. This is worth the money upfront as right now, he can clear out all your money and you won't know where it's gone. And, you really do need to let him see her as much as he wants right now, otherwise, I think that will also hurt your case. My understanding is that it takes a very unusual situation for the courts not to give the father visitations (including overnite). As hard as it might be, I would honestly stay put until you talk to a lawyer.

I did what you suggest you are going to do because I felt I had no choice (the house we were living in was making myself and children sick), but I recognized that I was taking a huge financial risk, even though I have medical professionals that support that I needed to leave. And, of course, the fact that my husband did not believe we were ill (despite tens of thousands of dollars of tests showing we were) was another big reason. Fortunately, for me, things have been amicable and I basically have full custody and he covers all expenses as necessary. The reason I"m not divorced right now is because I don't want the court to tell me that my boys have to spend time with their father when they don't want to. However, I NEVER don't let them see him when my boys want to and I strongly recommend that you also do not try to keep your husband from seeing his daughter. Instead, I would suggest you ask him how frequently he wants to see her and try to come up with something that works for both of you, with her needs first and foremost - i.e., not during afternoon nap and during the time of day where she does best. The reality is that you will have to deal with him for the next 16 years, so now is a good time to figure out how you will be able to work together (which I know is ironic given that you no longer want to be married).

Now, if you are physically at risk staying, then definitely you need to go, but I sure hope you have everything documented.

Go to fathers for equal right downtown. Yes they help mothers too. It is cheaper than a lawyer just more time consuming, but they have saturday hrs to help. I have used them, in fact I am a lifetime member, although you dont have to "sign up" to get help. My husband had paid over 40K in attorneys fees over time trying to get custody of his oldest son, we finally ran out of money and he went to fathers for equal rights, and the first time he represented himself in court, he got full visitation and the mother for supervised visitation once a month. Wish we had done it that way a LONG time ago!

Hi J.,
I understand your in a tough position.
It is very important to seek some legal advice, especially if you live in TX and are legally married with children. If you don't have money to hire an attorney right now, but you do want to legally seperate from your husband: Have paperwork in place letting him know your intentions, please try to set-up an appointment with Legal Aid assistance depending on your county of residence they can assist you. You may call 411 for referral number in your area.
You both have rights as parents, and if you have the feeling that he may fight you for custody of the child, realize that it is his legal right. I am hoping in your case that maybe after you move out and your on your own, he will realize that this is for the best. Please let him know your intentions clearly, and reassure him that he is the Dad, and will always be her Dad with or without you.

Please get everything in writting from him, and give him everything in writting. (notorized advised) This also helps in custody issues with the courts.
Without legal paperwork on record, it is going to take alot of give and take on both your sides. It isn't easy, but it's not impossible. Most of the time, husbands who are soon to be Ex, just want reassurance that they are still the father, and that they will be involved with decisions made for your child now and in the future. If you need advise the Parenting Center is also an excellent place to research. I hope this information has been helpful.
This is just a grain of salt compared to common sense:)

Wishing you many Blessings and Success!
Jen~

I have no experience, but from what I have heard if you leave in Texas it is abandonment and will look bad on you. Is there any way to have him leave or to stay there until you see a lawyer? I'm sure you will get many great responses!

In Texas, unless there are legal orders in place, your child belongs to both of you and he can take her from daycare, keep her at a visitation etc.... the police will not help you get her back as he has legal right to her and if he keeps her and gets a lawyer, HE could get temp custody.....you cannot do this without legal help...in fact, he can keep you from even taking her out of the house if he chooses to.........think about it - if the situation were reversed, would you want him taking her wthout legal orders? would you fight for her? It sounds like you have this all planned and just have not taken the time to take care of the most important part...sorry to be so blunt but that is how it appears to me...you want you want you want and he is just left...maybe he deserves it but that was not shared.......