Seeking Moms Advice on Toddler Transition to Divorce

When you go to the Dr. today, discuss this with him. How in the world does a two year old lose 13 punds over a visit? Something is not right. How long was he there for?
No matter what, don't bad mouth your ex-husband and his family in front of your children. This is a battle for adults. You can fight for what is best for your children without getting the kids involved.
Have your Dr. document any concerns he has, and put your children in therapy. My daughter was 4 when my husband and I split. Her play therapist helped alot. Also, get help for yourself. A good counselor, clergy or life-coach. They will help you move on with your life better too!

Oh my goodness. How sad. Your poor babies! I hope that you are not saying negative things about their dad in front of them. That being said, the fact that baby lost so much weight and they both scream and cry at the sound of his voice, red flags are going up everywhere. Do not let them go with their dad unless you are there with them. I could be wrong, but it sounds like they are either being abused or not adjusting in a healthy way. They need you right now. Be their advocate.

13lbs? is that a typo? these reactions are extreme, and if accurate are huge red flags. how long are the visits? get your doctor to document any measurable changes like weight loss (and any other symptoms he observes), keep a good log, and be prepared to fight for no or supervised contact through the courts if this continues.
khairete
S.

For me at the time my divorce started my kids were 4 and 14 months old. I had custody and he had liberal visitation rights. This helped because when I was worried about anything or as the children got older they could speak for themselves. It is great that you are gong to the doctor. While there do as I did voice all this to your doctor. You stated you have a 5 year old too. I sent mine to speak with some one at school that way their dad could not say I was there telling him to say things. If he states something to the counselor at school they will let you know. You may want to see if there is a way to talk over the fact they are not ok staying with the others. I always went with what was best for the children. If they scream and say things about it all keep your self a note book. Dated it each time you write in it and that way you and see how things are going. I will keep you all in my prayers. I know this is hard. Hang in there.

My prayers go out to you and your littles one. I have been there and I understand. Here are somethings I did to help my daughter with everything. She was a little over 2 when we separated.

1.) Books - there are some great books out there about divorce. I read them to her. Please read them first to make sure they say what you want them to say. I found one that I thought I would like but I just skimmed it and didn't read it. My mistake. It talked about things not being her fault and a few things that might affect an older child but not mine. She didn't have these feelings so I didn't want to give them to her. I liked the book "momma bear and papa bears divorce" It is very simple and good.

2.) Have them go to a counselor. It might be very helpful in helping you understand how to help them. A counselor for yourself is great as well. I hated the idea of asking for help and going to a "shrink"....I am grateful I did and my counselor helped me tremendously.

3.) Always be positive and upbeat in front of the kids and their father. It is so hard and I hate putting on a smile. I forced it alot at first. After a while it becomes natural and we actually started getting along better. Remember kids hear everythign even when you think they are not listening.

Good luck. If I can help, please send me a private message. This stage of your life sucks. I know for me I am much happier now than I was before. I hope the same for you.

I've seen this before. Get a lawyer before your kids end up dead. They are obviously being abused, even if only mentally.

C.