Seeking Moms Advice in District Heights MD

My 12yr. old son went through this at home and at school. We started him taking Omega 3 FISH OIL capsules. This is good for memory as well as MANY other health benefits. (After researching it, I decided to also take it myself!) We also give him "Pedi Active" which you can get on-line or at Vitamin Shoppe. It is a homeopathic option for focus/ADD. My brother-in-law recommended these for my son. He owns a wellness center in GA. The combo of these 2 things has made a TREMENDOUS difference! Hope this helps!

I'm sure you've heard this before, but speaking from my own experience - have you had her tested for ADD? It sounds like I know exactly how you feel (it's sounding very familiar). It's worth asking, even if the answer ends up being no...ruling things out is just one step closer to finding out what it is, and if it does turn out to be ADD, then you'll know how to deal with it. Good luck either way. Single parenting is definitely challenging. I feel for you.

D.,
I liked the book How to Have a new Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Lehman. It has some really good suggestions especially about kids "forgetting" to do chores.

I also know from my own life that even though kids lives are being shuffled around or dad is missing, etc that you have to stand firm. I felt sorry for my girls for a while and let them get away with a lot. I am still trying to undo some of that. Get the book. You could probably find it on Amazon.com.

Some things I've tried with my children who are younger than your daughter is to make a chore checklist. Things she is to do each day. Dr. Leham suggest before you do "A", "B" must happen. Chores she has to complete before tv, playing, special activity, etc. a list may help her stay focused. She will never remember if you are there to constantly remind her (learning this myself). Tell her once, let her follow her list and then leave it up to her. It will be hard to watch her fail, but that is how she will remember and learn. When she forgets then she doesn't get to do the fun stuff - go to gymnastics practice, watch her favorite show, etc. I woudln't pay her for chores. I believe it is a child's responsibility to help out the family, but that is up to you. everyone does it differently.

Children learn self respect and pride by doing things for themself and participating in the family.

Good luck. Your parenting needs to remain consistent no matter if there is a man in your life or your daughter's life. I hope things go well for you.

J.

Hi, D..

I have three children ages 15, 12 and 8. My oldest has always been a little scattered, but my middle child has always been very responsible. In my experience around the middle school grades, even responsible children become rather forgetful. . . homework never makes it to school, when leaving one room to travel to another in the house, they don't remember why. . .

Be consistent with your expectations. Encourage your daughter to write things down. We bought a dry erase board and a day planner for my oldest to help her stay focused. Consider developing a "contract" that outlines your expectations as well as rewards for keeping up with the chores or consequences if she doesn't. There are some great samples online. Contracts are helpful when she gets a cell phone. . . or a myspace page. . .or begins dating or driving as well. Putting your expectations in writing and making her sign it takes away the "I didn't know" argument. The key is to let her be a part of the decisions. . . she might be able to suggest things that would help her remember more often.

Also, help her set up a schedule to manage her time. If she is watching TV, talking on a phone, texting, chatting on the computer or even listenign to music when she needs to be working, it can be distracting--making the chores take much longer than necessary. Require that she "unplug" for a certain period of time each day and use that time for chores, etc.

I also have a friend who leaves "funny" sticky notes out for her family. . . for example, if the trash needs emptying. . . she might leave a note on the can that reads: "I smell something funny. Would you mind emptying me?" Or "We're being invaded by furry creatures from another planent. . . oh no, it's just dust bunnies. Please dust today." This doesn't work for my family, but she's had great success.

Good luck!

I think absent-minded comes with the age, but instead of yelling, have you tried any consequences for not doing chores? For instance, my DSS used to forget all kinds of things, but when there were consequences associated with his lack of action, he started to pay attention....if he played his video games without completing chores first, then he would lose all his game time the next day....or if he did do his homework, I would take away his TV privileges, etc....this really helped because it made him responsible for his own decisions and he started paying attention....this decreased my frustration and yelling. I think sometimes punishments not only help the child behave, but calms parents' frustration because it puts us back in control and we feel like we are in the driver's seat again.

D.,
I am wondering seriously if it is the age. My oldest will be 11 this coming July and so is so book smart it is scary but at the same she can be so dense. She knows every morning and ngiht it is her job to close the blinds in our downstairs and pretty much every morning and night she needs to be reminded that they need to be done. She knows she cant leave her things, gameboy, cd's, and other items sitting on the stairs because the younder ones get in to everything and then she gets mad she cant find something because she left it on the stairs, we are constantly telling her to take her stuff upstairs to her room so no one touches it. I think she has been bity by the lazy bug. When she is reminded to do something she get svery annoyed and irritated with us for reminding her and we remind her then that if she would do it herlsef we would not have to remind her! I know I did not give you any siggestions but I want you to know you are not alone in theis boat, my husband and I are at a loss of what to do so we are not constantly on her about something. We have been thinking about doing a chore chare for her as well as my other 4 children and once they have completed their chores they put a small sticker in a box for that chore so they are responsible for keeping track of it themsleves and at the end of each week if all of their chores have been completeld there is a reward, whether it be a trip out fro ice cream or an allowance. Good luck, let me know if you figure out something that works!

You poor woman, you’re dealing with someone like me! I’m lazy and get distracted easily. I like Kristi F’s suggestions, and if it would ease your mind to get her tested for ADD, do it. But I think you’re just dealing with the typical lazy kid. (I might try Kim B’s Omega 3 thing for myself!

I would put off testing for anything ominous (ADD) until I’d tried Kristi’s suggestion and maybe Kim’s too.