Seeking Moms - Florissant, MO

K., I had exactly this same problem with my now 9 year old. He would wake up several times a night and want me to cuddle and rock him, or to bring him to bed with me. We finally had had enough when he got to be about 2 1/2. You have to just let them cry it out. Tell him he's fine and needs to go to sleep and leave him to cry, the sooner the better!! I know it's tough because you need sleep too.

Good Luck, M.

K.,
Don't feel bad...my son is also 17 months old and doesn't sleep through the night. He has always slept with me and he still wakes up atleast one time for a drink. My friends' son is the same...maybe it's boys, I don't know. I don't have any answers for you but justknow that you are not alone!
S.

I have a son who tried this as well. He got sick, I got sick, and we moved half-way across the country - all at the same time. I was lazy and I babied him... he got used to sleeping in my bed and didn't want to go back to the crib! Oops!

This is what I've learned:

-It will take one week of being "mean mommy" to have a happy, sleeping child.

-Create a routine. For us this means we cuddle and watch one of his favorite shows (6:45-7:15ish). Then we brush our teeth & wash our hands & face (7:15-7:20). We then change into our PJ's and have a bottle while I rock him in his room with the lights out. We pray and I give him a big hug and roll him into bed while he's still awake (7:30). Tuck him in, grab the bottle to wash it, and swing his door mostly closed.

Now sometimes if we forget the routine, he'll remind us. "show" he says, or skips it all together and starts up the stairs to his room saying "teeth"... It's fabulous.

-Be consistant. We'll let him cry the whole allotted amount of time* before we go comfort him. We will hug him thru the crib instead of picking him up. He gets a hug, we find his pacifier for him again, and then we tell him night-night and walk out the door. Then he can cry the allotted amount of time again. Then we can go give him a hug, then he can cry, then hug, then cry. (sometimes I go downstairs and start a load of laundry or dishes, or wash the dishes so it's harder to hear him, but he can hear that I'm still there...)
*Here's how I rationalize crying - two minutes for every month old he is... then I can intervene! I had to come up with a plan so that I wouldn't give in... it's all about being consistant.

Every couple months we go thru a "testing" cycle again and have a few nights of crying - he just wants to see if we'll give in. We just have to become more aware of the routine and remember to be consistent with our hug-cry-hug-cry-hug and it's all okay again.

If he really gets himself worked up we will also use Hyland's Colic Tabs. I last found them at HyVee in Independence (random) but they're at a number of drug stores, near the teething tabs. They're just calming and take the edge off for him. We have an alarm clock that makes wooshing "ocean" sounds that helps him sometimes too. And you might try an earlier bedtime? At that age, 7pm was the magic number for us.

You'll get there, really you will. You might have to be "mean mommy" for a few nights but when you're all sleeping and waking up happy - a few nights of tears will be well worth it! Believe me!

Good luck finding what works for you!

T.

I'm a grandma now, but I had a son the same way. When he woke up, I would let him sleep with us between two pillows so he didn't get squished. When he was bigger (about three) I would hear his feet hit the floor about midnight and he was a pillow hog, so I made him bring his pillow with him. When he was about four, he started sleeping better and was fine in his own bed all night. It worked for me and saved both me and my child a lot of stress and aggravation.

As weird as it seems, I would try putting him to bed earlier, 7:30-8. He may be over-tired and not able to settle his body for a good nights sleep.

Also I recommend keeping the bedtime routine totally the same every night so he knows what is expected of him.

Is he napping in the afternoon? The trick is to wake him 5 hours before he will go to bed for the night.

Our now 2 year old had problems sleeping through the night a few months ago and this worked wonders for us.

My son is 17 months old as well, and he will be a big brother in September. And I work full-time. Which means I need a lot of sleep!
When my son wakes up at night, we do his bedtime routine again and put him back in his bed. It calms him down, gives him the comfort and security he may have been looking for, and he sleeps. (We don't do the whole bedtime routine... no teeth brushing... but we pray and sing and he just relaxes). Try an abbreviated routine and see what happens. Like one of the other responses said, it may be a few nights of less sleep, but it will work.
Another poster sounded very paranoid... don't let it get to you. You are not a bad mom if you prefer for your son to sleep in his own room. It is better for both of you if you can actually sleep.
Good luck!

Hi K.,

It's tough, but let him cry it out. Comfort him the first time, and then let him go. He may cry anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more, and it will take 1 to 3 nights. This will be tough on you, but hold through it, and it will be magically over by the third night.

Just make sure he's not teething or has gas or anything like that. :)

Kristen,

I am a chiropractor and a mom of two little ones. I am pediatric certified. I have seen this with some kids who have some back or neck discomfort that wakes them. Kids are tuff on their bodies and don't always lable pain. I have treated infants and toddlers that don't sleep and with in 2 -3 visits they are sleeping 4-6 hours and that improves with time. I don't adjust them like adults. I would love to talk with you more if you have questions at all or if you need refrences. Also, how long are naps? you might try taking naps away for 2-3 days and reset the clock so to speek. We have had ot do that with our 2 year old. We also don't allow Juice except at breakfast or lunch. If you look at the foods he eats does he get real cranky or upset with in 2 hrs of eating? He might have an allergy -although if he does it everynight that probably isn't it. There are tons of things to try. My son is nosey and so we put a radio on classical or even talk stations. He still uses it to go to sleep. How about a night light? they have these indigo ones that are not light bulbs at all. We use those so he doesn't wake completley if he wakes up. Do you do bath before bed, Books before bed, rock? We do bath, everyother night, and do 3 books while rocking with just one little table light on and the radio as quiet as possible (they have to be quiet to hear it). then we turn off the lights and rock for 3 min and sing our songs (ABC, twinkle twinkle, down came the spider etc.) then into bed. Try that on the days you skip nap to start a routine. It just helps slow their little nervous systems down. The hole routine takes 20 min (stick to it)and he sleeps great! I hope it helps a little. good luck

It seems like his bedtime is a little late for someone his age. I would try making his bedtime earlier (slowly of course). I have done a lot of research on sleeping for infants/toddlers and they should be going to sleep around 7pm and sleeping at least 12 hours during the night. You are going to have to take a few nights of crying and sleeplessness until he learns that he can go back to sleep on his own. With you giving in most nights and bringing him into your bed it really just confirms his actions and shows him that if he keeps crying he'll get what he wants. I know that it's hard to do but if you eventually want some sleep you should try it.
Good luck!

It may be that he needs an earlier bed time. I think most kids that age go to bed around 8 pm at the latest. It may sound crazy, but when kids are over tired, a chemical is released in their body that keeps them awake. This could be preventing him from becoming restful when he goes to bed at night. A child who is well rested sleeps better than one who is over tired. I'm not sure what time he gets up in the morning, or how long his afternoon naps are, so this may not be the case if he is getting adequate sleep. Some articles I have read say that a child this age should be getting 13.5-14 hours of sleep out of every 24 hours, 11 of them being at night.

He is not trying to manipulate you by crying until you put him in your bed, but he probably does know that this is what will happen if he keeps crying. What usually helps is a few consistent nights of a new routine. When he wakes up, go in and comfort him without saying anything. Pat his back, rub his hair, just don't get him up and put him in your bed. Or, for some kids a couple of nights of crying it out will work. For others, it doesn't work and they get so angry they can't calm themselves back down. You probably know whether this would work for your son or not (it would only be a couple of nights, then the waking usually stops). Anyway, decide what you will do when he wakes up, then stick to it.

Also make sure he has a calming bed time routine. Clean up, bath, stories, prayer, hugs and kisses, good night. There shouldn't be any stimulating activities in the hours before bed time. Even TV can be stimulating to some kids.

Also make sure he has enough time to be active and get his energy out throughout the day.

Hope this helps, I know this can be frustrating.

Wow! You've gotten some great responses. Our girls have slept with us on stormy nights or nights they were sick and it was a mess! :) With four of us in our queen bed, noone slept good!

A consistant routine seems to be key for our family. We also use an aromatherapy system to wind down and relax before bed. I think too, with our oldest we found that an earlier bedtime helped. When you are overtired it is really hard to wind down. I almost think the little body gets achey and uncomfortable if they get too tired. I would shoot for 8:00 of you can?

We used to rock them 20-30 minutes and put them down sound asleep. That had to change once I was so pregnant with our second, I physically had no room to rock the oldest anymore! We gradually cut down the amount of time we rocked, and put her to bed drowsy but not sound asleep. Once our youngest was about 15 months old we did the same thing. Just because, I was tired and ready for some independence and she seemed old enough and ready!

Each night we use our unwind lotion and dim the lights about 30 minutes before bedtime and watch a little TV to settle down. Then we divide and conquer! (unless for some reason one of us doesn't make it home for bedtime) Everyone kisses and says goodnight, and one of us does the following things with the girls.

For our 22 month old we still rock about 5 minutes and we say our prayers while rocking. We let her take a sippy cup to bed with water in it. Once she goes down, she might stay up and chit chat with her teddy for a little while but she doesn't cry. I think she did for a short while, but never more than 10-15 minutes and she settled into the routine quickly.

For our 5 year old, she gets to go to her room and pick a bedtime story of her choice. She says her prayers and then we read her the story. When the story is over, the lights are out and shortly so is she! :)

Each family is different and you have to find what will work for you. You have a lot of good feedback here, and I bet you will find a great routine to get that kiddo in his own bed!

Best wishes!
M.
____@____.com

PS I have information on how to get our unwind aromatherapy products. They are gentle enough for babies and work really well!

I know it's difficult but you'll have to figure out what's right for your family. If that means letting him sleep with you and your husband, then so be it. If that means letting him cry it out for several hours, several days in a row, then, do what you need to do. Rest assured, all kids turn out just fine no matter how their parents got them to sleep through the night.

I have a friend whose parents let her little brother sleep with them until he was around 13. He was actually in the bed until he was 8 or 9 years old,l and from then on out he was on a cot on the floor in the room with his parents. He is now an adult and has a job, a wife, and 2 beautiful babies. So sleeping with his parents didn't spoil him.

Sleeping in the same bed as a toddler/baby/child just doesn't work for me. When my daughter thought she was going to get held all night long, I had to let her cry it out. She was 10 months old, and the first night she woke up at 2am...(was put down at 9pm) and she cried until around 4am. She woke up at 7am and she was a bit tired and crabby that day. The next day she only cried for about an hour, the day after it was about 30 minutes, the last night it was just a short stint of fussiness. She's now 3 and sleeps all night long from around 9pm until 7am. If she does wake from a nightmare or something, I just go in her room, cover her and leave. I don't say anything. It's a nice situation for my family.

Read as much as you can and do what feels right for you.

Do you have a bedtime routine? How does he go to sleep? Does he go to sleep on his own? Make a routine and make sure he gos to sleep in his room by himself. Then be dilligent. I know you are not getting enough sleep (I have been there) but if you always end up bringing him into your bed, the cycle will not change. You have to get no sleep for a few nights to break the pattern. Good luck!!

Purchase (or go to the Library) the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I purchased it when my twins were only 4 months old and they sleep like champs!!! 2 naps a day at about 1.5 hours; in bed at 7pm and not a peep until 7am!!

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...

I don't think he would be able to cry for hours. Waking up crying works. It gets him in mom's bed. He has to be retrained to sleep now. Let him cry for 15 minutes and see what happens.

I really believe that there are simply lots of people in this world that wake up in the night and don't feel like sleeping. I don't know if this is time stamped, but I'm writing this at 3:22 in the am. Often times I'm up because I answer the door to let daycare kids go home or come in at odd hours. But this is my one night per week I could/should be in bed sleeping. I've known all types of people with all types of jobs and all types of schedules that match their basic personality. There are morning people, night people, and simply people that hardly sleep.

That said you could increase the activity in his day, also making sure to stimulate him well enough academically. You could become very rigid about the diet he eats and provide him with the tools to possibly sleep a little better. But he still will likely wake up craving human contact from his mother. You could make him cry back to sleep or rub his back for a few minutes hoping he'll go to sleep or pull him into bed. And of course, if you do pull him back into bed EVER, he knows that crying long enough will get him what he wants. But the alternative is he'll grow more and more angry overtime and instead of seeking you out he'll get up and make messes around the house. And the unthinkable is that he could wander right out the front door and into the night. It's sad to know that this does happen and more than people want to admit. Did you hear about the child that died in a snowbank in Minnisota this winter? Others become missing out of their own bed and how many of those are kidnapped? I had a daycare girl that kept getting out and her neighbors would bring her home. Her mom was just lucky. I know I'm throwing out the worst case scenario. But I'm just trying to show you that your child craves your attention and if you don't give it to him the alternatives are unthinkable in my mind.

I've seen so many moms on here and in my daycare that have just convinced themselves that they must be doing something wrong, or I'm doing something wrong, or that there is something wrong with their child. They convince themselves that just because some other of the families children did/do sleep there must be something wrong with this child. They are so sure they are having nightmares or are sick or have some deep seeded emotional problem.

Sometimes a spade is just a spade. Your child wants and needs you. And trust me this time will pass all too soon. You'll be looking back and wondering where these great years go. And I promise you won't be remembering or even thinking about how they slept at night.

Suzi

This might also sound kind of wierd but have you thought about moving him up to a toddler bed? My daughter had this same problem and yes she would cry for hours and would get so worked up if we just let her cry that it then take a couple hours more to get her calmed down. Crying it out does work for some and I agree that you should jump at the first squeak but mine never responded well to that approach. So back to the toddler bed...when our oldest was about 19-21 months we put her in a toddler bed out of necessity more then anything. #2 was born when #1 was 19 months. Once in the toddler bed, she started sleeping through the night with out any problems. I really think it was because she knew that she could get to Mom and Dad if she wanted too. She was always trapped in the crib. Knowing she had access to us was comforting enough that she didn't feel like she had to come in anymore. Now she sleeps through the night without any problems at all. You might also try giving him a stuffed animal or something that he can hold. Kaitlyn aways had to have her baby and her Pooh at that age.

You need to read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She suggests that most babies are tired between 6:30 and 7:00pm, so you might want to try putting him to bed earlier. Plus it explains what are normal sleep patterns for adults and babies. He will not be sleeping all through the night like adults do, but it does help extend his sleep times to at least 5 or more hours at a time. Sometimes when babies wake it is not a true waking, watch for his behaviors, he might only cry for a few minutes and then go back to sleep. I really advise reading the book as it gives many suggestions and helps you track sleep patterns for your baby and then gives you several solutions and you can pattern it to what your family might find most useful. I have had great help with reading it.

I have posted on issues very similar to this before. All three of my children slept in bed with my husband and I. I also worked, but I was able to sleep this way. My daughter moved to her own bed when she was 2 and has been there ever since, however, my oldest(now 8) starts off in his room but aroud 2 A.M winds up in ours. My youngest sleeps in his crib, but it only has three side and butts up to my side of the bed. I guess the reason I am writing is because I could not tell if you wanted him out of your bed (believe me, I understand some people just can't sleep with a child) or if you were worried that having him in your bed was "bad". I know that they say you can "train" children and I have seen it work, it just did not suit my way of thinking. I always felt if they wanted me they should have me. If you do indeed want him to be in his own room google "sleep trainig" I just did and there is a ton of info out there. Good Luck!!

Dear K., I'm in the same boat only with a 19 mo old. He has never slept good and started this pattern early early on. I obviously can't give any great advice, but to say for your benefit keep him out of your bed. We are at that now and it is so much worse now, he is bigger and his kicking is worse at night. Which means no one gets sleep at all. I was given the advice and thought they just don't know how hard it is to be up all night with a child, if we bring him into the bed at least I cant lay down and get some sleep in between... well now he is there and no one is sleeping... I wish I would have kept him in his bed, and now with him being older it is a bigger ordeal, and my son has acid reflux, so it takes absolutely nothing to make him throw up, so I cant do that make them cry it out. Good luck and I will be praying for you. I do suggest moving a chair or rocker in their room if your going to keep going in there, at least then you can sit with them and get some rest yourself. But then you will have people saying your getting your baby used to you being there to fall asleep. I was told that and in all honesty thought yeah so what is the big deal... Then someone gave me some information about sleep cycles with kids and it made me understand why he wakes up so much. Between each cycle we wake, as adults we adjust our pillow or cover up or uncover, and then go back to sleep. If our pillow has moved then we wake up aliitle more and readjust then go back to sleep. If it is gone and we have to search for it or our covers, then we really wake up and have to go on a serach and we are really upset. Mine and maybe your child does the same, wakes between each cycle like we do, but when Im not there (his pillow or covers) he has to get up and search for it... that made me understand why he wakes up every few hours, now what to do about it???? not sure, we are working on it ourselves. Good luck
M.

I have a 15 month old that doesn't always sleep through the night either but I do give her milk before bed and that seems to help, sometimes I will give her some more during the night. You might also try letting him cry for awhile but stay close by. Good luck, I know it is not easy. I am expecting my 2nd child and wondering what I am going to do with getting eough sleep.

I have a boy who just turned two a few weeks ago.. unfortunately this sounds exactly like what I went through with my little guy, and he only recently began sleeping through the night. We have come to believe he suffers from allergies, and occasionally he would cough and wake himeself up. I completely agree with not wanting to make him cry for hours on end... its just not worth it! Daycare also seemed to help. He is getting alot of exercise, and activity, and his naps are more limited. He sleeps for about and hour and a half in the middle of the day. I guess the only advice I can say, is that age I think has a difference for boys. Not really great advice, but I wanted you to know my husband and I struggled with the EXACT same thing. Sleep devrived moms feel crazy!!!!

Hi K. I am Dee

U may wanna discuss this with the doctor. I had that problem with my son somewhere around 14 - 18 months he would wake up and get outta bed walk around the house so I in turn had to get up and stay up till he went to sleep. He would sleep and wake up sleep and wake up and this went on constantly.

I took him to the doc and soon after found out that he was autistic. This doesnt have to be the case with your son but I had NO idea what was going on with my son till his diagnosis.
My son is 11 now and doing fine.

So have his pediatrician check him out. Try giving him warm baths right before bedtime and a all over body rub ..this helps.

Dee ____@____.com

We have had the same problem with our daughter on and off since she was about 12 months. Our parents as teachers educator warned us that this might happen...normally when they are cutting teeth or they are in learning something new. We tried putting her to bed later thinking that she would sleep later if we did that but she would still wake up at the same time. We read that she could be over-tired so instead of putting her to bed later we should try to put her to bed earlier. It actually worked. She will still go through times where she wakes up in the night. I try to let her cry herself back to sleep, especially if we aren't asleep yet. I've let her cry for an hour or more at times. She's pretty strong willed and I can tell if she's really hurt. I don't let her cry as long if we are asleep since my husband has to get up early so she'll end up in our bed. You have to be very careful with this...our daughter learned that if she cried in the middle of the night I'd come get her. As soon as we had an opportunity to just let her cry herself back to sleep the pattern stopped. Now on the occasion that she wakes up in the middle of the night she better understands that I won't get her every night and now we all sleep better.

This is a tough one but the only thing that has workedd for us is to let them cry it out. (It probably won't take hours, maybe one...) This really is harder on you than them.

When my son went through this we ended up cutting our afternoon nap out. He had always been a child who needed less sleep from the get go. The other thing we modified is how much fluid he had from about 2-2 1/2 hours before bed. He always woke up even if he was just a little wet. Good Luck