Seeking Helpful Ideas with My Son That Is Giving Me Problems......

It might help to have him get special time with just one of you at a time....where he feels like he has undivided attention. Maybe dad can take him to the zoo or to the park for a picnic. Other times, you can take him for some solo mom-time and do something that he'd like to do with you. Maybe make a prize box (let him decorate it) and together, choose activities or items that he could "win" for his good behavior, that way he feels incorporated in the process...and you can really "excite" him with the potential for outings, etc.

Also, time alone with mom AND daddy would be something he'd probably like. Get a sitter for the baby, and let him feel like he used to as the only child. When the baby gets older, he'll see that he can play and engage with him, but it might be hard for him now. There are also books on being a new big brother that may help.

Good luck!!

I can totally relate to your situation! I have a son who is 4, and a daughter who just turned 1. It is a struggle daily to get my son to listen, bahave, and not to harm his sister. He never listens to his dad, then he plays favorites to me and completely avoids his father. Big time momas boy! I make it a point when he starts crying for anything period for him to ask politely and stop the fit before i take into consideration of the request. It has helped, he knows now not to cry for anything but he still does it daily. Lately its been about twice a month that he has big outbursts and I can not control him. 2 weeks ago he cried for 4 hours over a sippy cup of juice. 4 time outs, spanking and me yelling at the top of my lungs at him didnt help. I eventually just let him cry it out then he passed out, 4 hour nap later he woke up a completely different kid. I noticed the one thing that works well, is putting him in time out. But not letting him out untill hes done with his fit (could take 5 minutes, could take 40). No crying, no stomping, and standing in the cornor where he can't see what is going on with everyone. This has helped somewhat, but its still stress full. I think its a battle of jealousy, and who gets moms attention. He's old enuff to be told his actions are not appropriate and he needs to be a big brother. Make him feel special to a new baby sister in the family, try to include him in the cuddling that you do with the baby too. I give both my children the 1 on 1 time, even if they have to stay up later to get it. Hang in there, it gets better I promise. Just be sure to choose your battles, and let him know that you are the one in charge. I will keep up with reading this posting, cause im curious to see everyones responce.

Hi R.. My name is A. and I have a 7, 3, and 1 yr old and my oldest does the same thing. He's just used to it being just you two and now he has a little brother that gets all the attention. As the baby gets older he will get better. Keep spending time with him and take turns with your husband in doing things with him. Even if it's just to the store with just you two it will help. My husband and I take turns with our oldest. He will take him somewhere and I will take him somewhere, with either me or my hubby with the youngest two.

I seem to think kids, because they have no real way of communicating, act out at times. Hopefully this is a phase. When my two year old was born, it was a big adjustment for my then five year old. My husband and I made sure to spend time alone with her without the baby. Each one of us gave her quality time. But just make sure you aren't caving into things to avoid a tantrum. Hopefully, like I said, it's a phase.

I highly recommend a parenting program, and series of books with the same name, called Parenting with Love and Logic. You can look up the website by the same name and borrow the books/tapes from the library or purchase from a bookstore.
It really helped me stop being an angry, resentful Mom.

K. L

No matter how much time you are setting aside for him, it isn't the same as before when he had the majority of it. I thought that maybe your older son might be willing to trade some one on one activity time with the younger one for a special privilege. Sounds like alot of changes in a short time period and poor kid is trying to cope with the stress. Good luck with it and just remember that kids go through stages like this and the only thing you can do is your best. Keep your chin up.

T.

Bless your heart, R.! I feel your pain. I have an 8-month-old boy and a 4-year-old girl. I have a question for you: Is there any one who is able to help YOU??? You are in a very stressful situation and YOU need a break (FREQUENTLY). I am very blessed to have an enlightened husband with the second child, but it took me having a complete psychiatric breakdown (postpartum psychosis) with the first baby four years ago. Unfortunately, though, dear hubby is the only one I can rely on. The other friends and family who COULD help me come at an emotional price I am unwilling to pay (i.e. unsolicited end-all advice), but dear hubby and I do trade off and I have found some outlets to make ME cope with an e t r e m e l y clingy baby I cannot seem to put down without tears from both of us. I know my daughter acts out a lot of the time simply because I am at MY wits end. And me having an outlet has made our relationship work 100% better. I too tried the "fun" things with her, but she was still a brat. Now that I am more at ease, she has lightened up. I wish I lived near you so I could help!! :)

Hello my name is S. I am a stay at home mommy as well. I have 5 beautiful children ages 16, 13, 12, 3 and 19 months. I went through this every time with the last 4 children. Recently though with the others being much older it is just the 3 year old boy and the 19 month old girl. My trick was to get the older one involved with the new born baby so they can feel like they are doing their part in helping to raise the younger sibling. I allowed them to undue diapers under my supervision, hand me the new diaper or wipes. If the baby would cry I would show them how or ask them to nicely give them their pacifier or shake a rattle for distraction. This made things sweet. Of course they still have their rival moments but that's family. The older ones tends to move on with their stuff especially after watching a poopy diaper get changed. They enjoy helping their parents and want to be as much a part of you as they can. We are all their teachers it is up to us to show them how to interact with each other. I found when I didn't let them help me with the baby is when they acted out the most. Involvement is what they seek so involve them. It is good bonding for all. Good luck!

My children are the same ages apart as yours. My daughter is 5 too, and has always been an angel. Since the baby came there have been times when she starts acting up like that, and I just tell her that i know what is up, that she needs attention, and that it is hard for me as mom to do everything she wants me to do. I apologize for the fact that she feels neglected, and explain to her that when she was small like her sister, she couldn't do everything that she can now, and I spent a lot of time helping her, like I do with Hannah. I tell her she is so lucky that she is a big girl and can do all these wonderful things for herself, and I try to get her involved with the baby whenever I can. It helps her when I just spell it out like it is. Not always, but usually! Good luck!

Hi R.,
I had the very same thing happen when my now two year old was born. My then 4 year old turned into a tottaly different girl, it seemed like she knew I was vunrable and was pushing me to my limit daily. My husband worked out of town 2 wks. a month, and those weeks were worse. I was at aloss as to what to do. I asked alot of other moms in my town what they would do and thier great advice was very helpful. I had to buckel down and let her know she was not going to walk on me anymore, she spent alot of time in time-out. I stopped reacting to her behavior unless it was positive.As soon as she acted up I would tell her I was not going to go there and would ask if she wanted to straiten up or go to time-out. We made a reward chart that gave her special rewards for big girls. and it only took Two week of this and things went back to normal. I also had her help with the baby. Like entetaining the baby while I did the dishes. We also introduced the baby as her little sister so she felt like part of the excitment. hope you can work through it soon :) It does get better. A., P.S. I live in the Brighton area where are you located in CO?

It sounds like you have your hands full ;) Either one of those changes (school and a new sibling) can have a big impact on a child. He is adjusting to both (and you said you are new to Colorado, so maybe he has also had to adjust to a new home?) It will take patience, time and alot of love but he will adjust. I agree with other posts that you should make a point to have a bit of time with just the two of you- that helped my son when our daughter was born. He will obviously want more and more because he is trying in the only way he knows how to get his life back the way he was used to. And try to be as consistent and loving as possible with dicipline (I too like the Love & Logic approach.)

As far as wanting to spend all his time with his dad- it is naturally around age 5/6 that boys start to transition from Mom to Dad. I liked the book "Raising Boys" (I can't remember the author)- I checked it out at the library. It talks about this and other transitions that boys tend to go through at various ages and can be a good resource for understanding a little boys mind.

I hope this is helpful. If there is one thing I am learning as a parent- it is that the phrase "this too shall pass" is a good one to remember! Our little ones go through so many phases and stages- but they get through them and move into another. Take care and I wish all of you the best.
P.

Hi,
I have three children also and have the same problem, i think it is awesome that you set aside some special mom and me time, not easy at times i know. My advice is this (all opinions) if you think he is acting spoiled thendo what you have to to make him understand he is a part of a "family" and needs to respect that and a good run family has everyone working together out of respect to make things easy, especially for mom. He is old enough to understand that and make him responsible for his actions. I have a 6 yr old that just started school and he is doing the same to me. At 5 or 6 feeling over whelemed can be a problem they do not have the skills to deal with it so it will come out as misbehavoior or they may just give up on being good. Change is hard for anyone but at the age it can be devestating but in time he will adapt I believe, have a talk with him and make sure he understands what his job is. If he is feeling like you expect him to be a "good BIG" brother and thats more then he can handle he might have feelings of resentment. So give him only has much as you feel he can handle, let him be a kid.
What I am doing with my son is giving him a break never ask him more then to take care of his stuff, like school work and his own actions and such, i am senstive to what he is going thru but on the other hand I am very firm that has a person even at 6 he has responsibilties too, in the family in school and in socity, the world does not revolve aroundhim and never will. He has to share thats the way things are. But I think the most helpful thing I can say is wait it out it sounds like he is going thru a stage, do not allow that bad behavoiors but do not assume it will continue forever, hope this helps, good luck you have your hands full!

L.

hi R.
i think you do need to spend some time with your 5 yr old. all he is doing is acting out all he wants is your attention whether your mad or happy anytime at all in the day will help or even on the weekends when ever your husband is home even if its right before bed. kids don't care when it is just only if they are getting your time and your time only.

good luck C.

Hi R.

I know its hard with a baby,but maybe you can take a few minutes a day and just spend some one on one time with him, like in the afternoon, when baby is napping, talk with him, play a game, or just watch one of his kids show. Put the baby to bed first then read him a story at night, Have dad watch the baby on the weekend and take him somewhere (McDs,movie,park) for a couple of hrs. Acting up is usually a cry for attention, and bad attention is better than none at all.