How Do You Deal with a Five Year Old and a New Baby?

I really don't know what to tell you. I am in the same situation. my kids are now 8 & 2 and I am still dealing with the same problems. if you find anything that really works let me know.

First of all, is your new husband the father of your first child? If he is ok, no worries there. But if he is not, then a lot has changed for this little guy in only one year. It takes longer for a child to adjust to changes in their life than it does an adult.

Your son needs to know that your husband and your baby belong to him as well as you. Do you allow your son to touch the baby?

Let him hold him (while being supervised of course). He is old enough to feed the baby, help pick out the baby's outfit for the day, he can help with tubby time, etc. There are lots of ways to make your son feel welcome and feel that the baby is his.

Jelousy is very commen amoung siblings. Extra special time each evening or directly after school is very important. Take the time to read a story with your sone every night. I know sometimes we are too busy, but 15 minutes before bed will make the world of difference with the older one. Later as the baby grows, this time can be shared amoung all.

Also weather your husband is the father of both children or not, it very important that he take an active roll with both children. Maybe you can take turns reading to your oldes son, or if the baby is asleep you can both share in this time.

If the baby requires attention durign the special time, as your son who he would like to care of the baby (you or your husband)? Then maybe you can ask if he would like to help!

Good Luck!
Bev

M.,
I have two different situations here.

My oldest son (Clay) was 6 when I had my second (Jake, now 10 months). We've always made sure that Clay knows Jake is 'his' baby too. In the beginning I would read to him while I was nursing the baby or play with him while the baby was sleeping. From the beginning we made sure that he knew that the baby wasn't going to take so much time for long. Now they are the best of friends and both look forward to their time together each evening. We had minimal problems with the boys.

However, my stepdaughters (Madison) mother just had another baby a few days before her 5th birthday. Madison wasn't included in anything to do with the new baby and she became very resentful of him. Normally a sweet kid, she was acting out and looking for attention. Ultimately, Madison moved back in with us. I've sat down and talked to her about my baby and the care he needs. We gave her a 'big girl' responsibility (keeping small things picked up and letting me know if she sees something the baby could get) to help out with the baby and aren't having a problem at all. It turns out, she's crazy about her mom's new baby, she just wants to be included.

The best thing I can say, is sit your older son down and just tell him... no matter what/who happens, you will always love him and he's always going to have a special place in your life BECAUSE he is your first baby. In areas where he shows an interest in the baby, include him as much as possible. If he wants nothing to do with other areas, let it slide. He'll come around soon and start wanting to help/play with the new one. Another thing we've found helpful, my husband and I both will spend time with the older one each day. Even if it's only a few minutes to play, read or cuddle.

Sorry so longwinded! Good luck.
T.

Hi,
Im not sure if you would want to try this but I have (I gotten this idea from a Friend also), Buy your Son a MALE BABY DOLL- this will be His Baby to help him learn how to adjust on being the BIG BROTHER n could be alot of fun for him n yourself to bond.
or Create a Fun way for him to help you with the Baby, where he could earn points towards a toy or something.
Hope All is Well, God Bless
A.

Congrats on your new baby and on your up comming anniversary. My daughter had just turned 6 when my seconded arrived. I was very worried about how Olivia would handle the new baby. She has been great. The first few weeks were the hardest. I try to take Olivia on special dates, a day just for her. I also included her in all baby duties and told her how important and special she was now that she was a big sister. It must be very hard for Devin being 5, it does take a lot of work and patience on you and your husbands parts! The baby will be fine make sure Devin gets lots of love and extra attention and he'll be fine to. Good luck!

M.,

I can really empathize with your situation. I was a single parent for my son, Jonathan, for almost 2 years before I met my husband. When I had my daughter (who is 5 yrs and 1 week younger than my son), Jonathan was very stressed about the new baby. Because Hannah was sick when she was very young, she did take a lot of my attention away from him and we did (and still do, sometimes) have some issues with him acting out. My husband and I talked it over and we've realised that little things help a lot. He holds the baby for 10 minutes so I can help Jonathan in the bath or read him a bedtime story. He is also trying to take a more active role in playing with Jonathan and establishing a special bond just between the two of them. I strongly agreee that making sometime just for your oldest is so important and it really seems to be helping. My husband and I take turns taking Jonathan to story time at the library on Saturday, and the other one stays home with the baby. The other thing we are doing is keeping track of his behavior at home...if he goes a whole week without having any outbursts of temper or misbehavior, we tack on the additional reward of a small book (he loves the bookstore) or a toy (from the dollar store!). I would make sure the rewards fit your kid, though...if he loves sports, maybe a new ball; if he loves movies or tv, maybe an extra 1/2 hour of TV time...whatever works the best for your situation. And if you ever need another mom to talk to, feel free to contact me anytime! Best of luck to you and your family!

Funny you should ask this! My children are almost 5 yrs apart (2mo. shy of it). When my daughter was born, my son who was almost 5 started acting out also. What we did was make time for my son alone. I would have my husband stay home with my daughter and we would go out. To the movies, mall,ice cream store, friends house where ever. I would make my son feel really special. Then my husband would take him out sometimes and I would stay home with the baby. And we also did a good amount of family outings as well. Another thing I would do is make my son feel like he was my special helper. I would ask him to help me with handing out diapers, bottles or toys. Or sometimes when I had to start some laundry, I would ask him if could sit with the baby for a minute. I also would set aside some time on the weekends and bake cookies with him or watch his favorite video. All while the baby napped or my husband would run errands with the baby.

By doing these things- it made him feel special and useful. It made him feel like he was helping me and not just in the way or bothering me.

My son's are 5 years apart to.. I did a lot with both my boys.. When I had to change the baby I would ask my 5 year old if he could help me and get a diaper. He did and he enjoyed that.. He would talk to the baby while I changed his diaper.. When the baby would nap I would sit down and watch his favorite show with him. I would do special little things with him to let him know he was still loved and still as important to me.. They are so close now and I love it.. Best of luck to you.. I does get easier..

HI M. I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN SO I KNOW HOW THEY TEND TO ACT UP WHEN A NEW BABY COMES. MY SUGGESTION IS TO TRY TO INCLUDE HIM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WITH THE HELP OF THE BABY. GIVE HIM LOTS OF PRAISE FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT BIG BROTHER AND HELPER. ANOTHER THING YOU COULD TRY IS TO GIVE HIM INDIVIDUAL TIME TAKE HIM OUT TO AN ARCADE OR OUT TO EAT OR WHATEVER HE WOULD LIKE TO DO. WHILE YOU ARE OUT GIVE HIM LOTS OF ATTENTION REASSURE HIM HOW IMPORTANT HE IS. ALL THE TANTRUMS OR ACTING OUT WILL PASS. GOOD LUCK

Hi! It will seem like more work for you in the beginning, but once he catches on he will be your little helper.
Have him do things for the baby as you do. Let him get the diaper and wipes. Have him help make the bottles. The biggest key is over reacting to his good actions. In other words, MAKE A FUSS that he is the best big brother ever!
Kids naturally don't want to share....especially their mommy!
Make him see that the baby can not do those things because he is not a big boy yet like he is.
...and lastly, no matter how exhausted, when baby naps, make sure you do something special with Devin. Doesn't have to over the top, it can be a simple story time or even sit and watch a cartoon together and tell him this is his special time only.
Hope I was of some help. I have a 14 month old and watch 2 8 month old girls, a 2 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy. I certainly understand how the poor 5 yr old can feel left out.
It will get better and you will feel good about it!
God bless and have fun!
S. B.

I can empathize with your 5 year old as my brother and I are five years apart. I remember the new baby when I was younger and how I felt. It's important to show him you still care and love him just as much as the new baby. You could include him in tending to the baby. He could help bring you diapers and wipes when you are changing the baby, or maybe help with bathing by handing you the baby wash and that sort of thing. Try to also make time for just the two of you without the baby so he can feel special. Good luck!

I dealt with this my son was 6 and my daughter was a newborn. I just made sure that I did extra things with my son. I got him a membership at the Boys & Girls Club and that gave him something to do. Trust me it will get better just be patient he has to adjust to the baby now too.

let him help you out .make him part of the new baby, he can get his diper ,wipes .pick out the outfit for the day .little things , look like big things to him . when baby is sleepin read to him and play let him help you in the kitchen ect , tel him that he was once this small and had to have alot of care to ,, most of all that you love him and will always be there . good luck