Seeking Help for My Out of Hand 4 Year Old.

My Mother in Law does this when my Children get out of hand and it works pretty good.
She says: Timmy, I really would like to hear what you have to say, or what's bothering you, or I would like to help you, but I can't understand you when you are yelling.
When you can talk to me in a calm voice, then I will help you.

Until they are calm, just ignore the screaming/yelling.

Try it!
:)

My younger's teachers say, "he is a bit on the active side." In Teacher-speak, that means he is a bit tough to control in the classroom.

I've talked with a lot of people and done a lot of research when one teacher recommended that we get him tested for ADHD.

If your son has a hard time concentrating, if he cannot sit down for 15 minutes on a project that he loves, then you may want to get him evaluated. My 4 year old son will sit for 20 minutes working on a puzzle or drawing, etc., so I thought it might not be ADHD. I've asked other child care givers who know my son and all said that they do not think he has ADHD.

From all of the information I've read, if he can sit for 15 minutes on a project, you may want to think about changing two things: 1) diet, 2) sleep.

There is a lot of annectodal evidence that shows foods with a lot of preservatives, food colorings, partially hydrodenated oils, and corn syrup has a negative effect on our children, especially boys. It causes hyper activity, low attention span, and behaviors that some would say looks like ADHD. It is just not good for their little bodies and causes negative behaviors.

Goldfish, crackers, chips, low-end granola bars, many cereals all have these items. Take a look at what he is eating and purge all of these items immediately.

Cut back on items with a lot of added sugar - only 100% juice or water, absolutely no soda. Remove fast foods from the menu - no McDonalds, no Starbucks. Remove processed foods - no prepared items. Go back to fresh fruits, vegetables, simple dishes prepared at home.

I'm a working mom, too. I hear you. ;-)

4 year olds still need their nap during the day. If he is skipping the nap, you should seriously consider adding that back into his day. It does not affect his nighttime sleep pattern if the nap ends before 3PM. So, after lunch, a nice 1 hour to 1.5 hour nap would do the body good. Do you know the feeling of being wired because you stayed up late the night before? I become cranky, irritable, negative, etc. Sleep is a good thing for our kids.

When my son starts to show signs of crankiness, I actually begin to calm down and become quieter. I ask, "do you feel ok? are you tired? hungry?" When my boys are well fed with a good nights sleep, they are angels. When they are either hungry or tired, watch out.

My DH used to get mad when my son started to misbehave, but, now he asks immediately, "are you hungry or tired?" 9 times out of 10, they say that they are either hungry to tired. Then after we feed them or let them rest, we talk with them about identify their feelings and expressing it in positive ways. Now my older can tell us that he is hungry or tired. My younger is learning, although it is usually in the middle of a wail, "MOOOOOMMMMMYY!! I'm soooooooo tired." Hey, little steps forward.

Diet and habits have a whole lot to do with reactions and behavior, is he sleeping / eating well?
How is his diet, HONESTLY?
TRY:
NO additives or colorings and chemicals - what a 4 year old needs! Lots of garden fresh veggies, salad and fruits NO processed sugars etc NO fast foods.
They turn children into LUCiFER!

;0)

Complex charbs, nuts often, no coloured packet stuff, like chips. I mean it.

Also did he used to wait until you were ready or are you asking to much of him?
I always said '' Thank you for waiting ;-) ''
and lots of cuddles ... even if they only wait 20 seconds!
It works.
I think he needs attention almost right away (he is more important than your chores, isn't he?) He needs the minimum of NO's but those you do feel are important you consistently enforce with firm clear language and behavior that doesn't contradict your long term wishes.
Ignore the screams. Punish the hitting.
NO! Unacceptable. Pick up and bodily remove him, if need be.
Don't hit back.

It's hard for you - with the baby, he might be really sensitive about this too. Try to be patient and put him first
with so much love. He will know he's loved and relax.
Avoid conflict, set up the scene, play the role that makes him charming. I used to say, 'Oh good. you found that for me, Thank you'. (if they move stuff or take stuff they should have, for example). Make it positive.

If you must fight - short explanations an after 1 minute time out go see him and just move on.
Tell him its time to ... (have some fun) as soon as he is ready.
You run the party - keep inviting him.

I'm a proud mom of 4 kids, one of who was ADHD, uncontrollable, untestable in school, I could not take him ANYWHERE, and was even told that he was "mildly retarded", but NOW, he's 17 and a straigh A student planning his college career!! So I have a little experience with what you're describing. I can tell you right now that it is going to take a LOT of hard work and dedication to help your little one. He's going to be starting school very soon, so you have to act FAST - you want school to be a pleasant experience for him.
The wonderful thing is that you acknowledge there is a problem. The other wonderful thing is that kids are completely able to turn their behavior around (in most cases).
They can't do it, however, without US as parents being CONSISTENT with our discipline. Our job as parents is so hard because we have to discipline, and at the same time provide POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT and redirection to our kids. It's a tough job!!
Time outs are great, but only if you are consistent with their use. Have clear rules and make sure you don't put him in timeout for something, then let him get away with it the next time. I had such a hard time with that. So if he cries in time out, so what? Let him cry. If you are consistent, he will soon learn that he can't win. And yes, it's so hard to sit there and listen to the screams and cries and not get mad, but it's the only way he's going to know that you mean business. I challenge you to take one week and seriously focus on one behavior issue that you want changed. Talk to him and make it 100% clear what you expect from him. Let him know what his consequences will be if he exhibits that behavior, and also let him know what his reward will be if he succeeds in kicking the habit!
There are tons of techniques to help us teach our kids. Just remember to use a lot of positive reinforcement and redirection. If he's doing something you don't want him doing, instead of just telling him "No!", give him something that he CAN do. If screaming is the problem, you can establish a place in your home where he will be sent to do his screaming. Trust me, it's no fun to scream when no one is around to pay attention!
Babycenter dot com has a lot of very good ideas, too, and you can look them up based on your child's age. Take a look, and don't get discouraged... you can do it!! Go MOM!!

I haven't had this problem, but something that my mother in law taught my daughter that I really like is that when I'm doing something busy like talking on the phone or having a discussion with a neighbor and she wants to tell me something, she says excuse me mommy and places her hand on my hand to keep me reminded that she has something to say. And once I am finished with a topic I can talk with her. I think that the response below mine is spot on. Also, you don't want to keep him in time out for too long. There are alotted times for time out and even if he is screaming and crying, you don't want to prolong the timeout. The time out was for a specific behavior. And he should be thinking about why the behavior was wrong. If he is screaming while he's not on timeout, you may say "OUCH! That hurts mommy's ears!" because when I say that to my son (2) he stops and apologizes. Maybe just a few ideas?

Maybe I'm just seeing this from my own perspective but he sounds tired to me. How much does he sleep at night? Does he have quiet time or a nap during the day? I noticed someone dietary info. Sometimes what we eat really affects the quality of sleep we get. So even if he seems to be getting a full nights sleep it might not be good enough sleep.

My daughter is a bit younger but a few weeks ago really started in with some similar behavior. We had recently begun transitioning her into a quiet time rather than a nap time and it just didn't work out. She needs rest during the day so now she has a nap and goes to bed an hour later. It took about a week of going back to this routine and now she has earned back her nickname of "Happy Baby" as she is known around my husband's office. She's almost 3.

Let him scream, it will be hard, but let him cry it out. DO NOT GIVE IN. Do not give him attention during his fits, just walk right past like you don't hear him.

If he yells at you or cries to get something, look at him "Where is my nice little boy? YOU're not my nice boy, my nice boy has a smile and uses his words nicely, I don't know who you are and I don't understand a word you are saying. Act like you don't know what he wants unless he uses his nice words.

this really worked with all my kids/ nephews.

Don't punish him, don't try to explain consequences, the only thing he wants is attention. If anything, set him in time-out or in his bed because "he seems tired" He may very well be tired, maybe you need to give him longer naps. If it's a growth spurt he's going to be too tired, he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Sounds like system overload! Try having him step away from whatever situations he finds himself in. He may need to be removed from the situation by his teacher or parent since he is still young and doesn't know what is pushing his buttons. Also, at night he may need to spend some quiet time in his room... no tv, no radio... maybe reading or coloring or playing with some legos or something like that.