Seeking Help and Advice for 8Yr Old Son W/stress&stomach Aches About School??

S.,

Is he being bullied by the kids at school?? Maybe it is not the tests or school work at all and the kids that are making his life so bad.
Jen

S., let me tell you about some experiences I have had at that age. My Sister daughter and son were both very intelligent never made below an A, but in 3rd grade those smart normal children became so different like over night. They were so nervous and ever day did not want to go to school. Every day her son would have a bad stomach ache or headace. Anything to keep from going to school. Her daughter who is older she took her to school one day every thing fine, when they drove up she said her daughter just lost it. Broke down and cried her eyes out. Something we had not thought of until she talked to her teacher was that 3 rd grade there is a BIG difference than 1st and 2nd. They learn so much more and it is at a fast pace. They are learning multiplacation (spelled wrong) they are learning writting they are having timed test etc...so much new things and they are having to learn to do it fast. That is A LOT on a child that age and the stress just gets to them. The teacher told us that a lot of kids that age go through the panic and nerves. Also if they had always made good then there is more pressure on them. Then when my own daughters got to that age they ewnt throught the same thing. Drove up to school with one of my daughters who also had made good grades and she broke down. Her nerves had just got the best of her. She started crying and said Mom I just can't do it. I took her home that day talked with her assured her she would be fine and that she did not have to make A's everytime. Let her get a grip on the situtation and took her back the next day and she did fine. Now what I think is strange is that the boy never admitted that it was nerves or all the new things he was having to do. It was always a stomach or headache. Maybe he was to macho for that who knows. Anyway sorry for the long story, but it could be that this is a big step and it could be nerves or the stress of learning a bunch of new things all at one time.

Godd luck and God Bless you and your family

School phobia is a real disorder--if left untreated, it can lead to more serious depression. By all means, seek help from a child psychologist or psychiatrist. I let my daughter go through this for too long before I sought help other than school counselors. She is now (if the insurance approves it) going to be in a daytime treatment program at Charter Lakeside (See if there is one in your area--I think they have facilities all over the country.) Ishould have done this much sooner, but everyone had me convinced that I was not disciplining her properly. Keep in mind--this is NOT your fault! You are a GOOD mother who wants to help her child. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk--I've been (and am) there.

In regards to the homeschool situation and school related anxiety I agree that he would probably benefit from some outside counseling. In the meantime, to help his stomache issues and such, try giving him calming teas, warm baths and maybe even some papaya enzyme. You can get it at your local health food store in yummy chewable tablets. I have suffered from stress related stomache issues my whole life, starting when I was about 6. This will help ease the symptoms until you are able to get to the root of the problem. Good luck to you!

Are you sure he is stressed out about tests or could someone be bullying him or teasing him. Bullying starts to get worse at this age. See if the teachers will watch him at recess and see if other kids are being mean to him or if he is even playing with anyone. Since you are at home during the day, maybe you can go to his school and observe without him or his teacher knowing. If you think it really is the tests, let him know that it's okay if he doesn't make an A on a test. No one will love him less. Maybe your husband stresses him out because of his OCD. Talk to him about not projecting those feelings to your son, if that's the case. Constant talk about things being perfect can stress anyone out. Especially an 8 year old. Start praising him for something other than his grades and his intellect. Praise him for his great manners and how caring he is. Other things like that. Hope this helps.

There is a medication that can help with the feelings of OCD. My niece takes it. I'm not saying medication is the answer, but if you have no other alternatives, you might want to get some for your husband. Good luck!

as a mhc, I would definately have him evaluated with someone who specializes in childern. (Psychologist, Psychiatrist, etc) Adanta would be a good place for resources and referls. I would also try to talk to him and see what the problem is. (why he dreds school so much).

I wouldn't homeschool without hubby's consent. It is a lifestyle, not a simple choice. It sounds like he would benefit from HS'ing especially since the OCD thing. My husband was against hs'ing too. I just prayed about it. I told God that if he wanted me to hs, he would have to change my husbands heart. I didn't argue or talk about it any more after that and not even two weeks later, he picked Rodney up from his kindegarten class. When they got home, my husband said "he isn't going back there". I have been homeschooling ever since. I now have 14 years experience (code talk for trials and tribulations). It isn't easy, it is a constant struggle, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The relationships I have with my kids, not many people have that. They talk to me and we do things together, they ask me for advice and listen!

Good luck on solving the problem, it definitely needs to be addresses asap. 8 is too young to be so stressed.
L.

If I were you I would just go spend a few days at school sitting int the back of the class, have lunch with him & monitor his surroundings to see what other things are going on. (Something is happening for him to react this way) Typically, most schools don't have an open policy & don't mind parents being involved. Sometimes we don't consider the fact that maybe his teacher could be a little on the uptight side & nags the kids... yes this does happen .. I know first hand, so before talking to0 indepth with the principle or teacher check things out for yourself first. I would just say he's been expressing stress and opposition about going to school & you want to figure out what is going on. Be Pro-active! They may suggest other methods to figuring it out themselves - stand your ground - and check 4 urself!

Hello, I am the mother of a seven year old girl that will be eight in May. She is also a very smart child and has always loved school, up until this year. She hates school now. Every morning was a fight with her, she doesn't feel good, wants her temp took and so forth and so on. I had a meeting with her teacher and her counselor, and they basically told me to ignore it that she is trying to get attention. That was her last day of school. I went down to the school booard immediately and and enrolled her in home school. The curriculum costed me eighty dollars, it may be different in different areas, but it was money well spent.

It is scary enough sending your children to school during these modern times. While I was at the school board, I found out a bomb threat had been called in that day to the one of the schools in my county, and another called in the day prior. I am not going to send my child to school if she is that stressed out for whatever reason.

I do feel it is important for her to be social, so I will help her to keep up her friendships on the weekends and so on so that she has a full life. I feel that if I kept forcing her to go ( and I have been all year, also got her counseling)then she would just start doing worse and worse in school, which untimately would hurt her worse in the long run. Maybe sometime in the future she will go back to public school, but for now she and I are both happier with me giving her the one on one time she needs.

you should do what you feel is right for your son. If that means that you need to homeschool him, then do that. Your husband will learn to live with that decision. Besides, if he works all day how will he be affected by it?
Good luck and God bless.

I can relate. My son 9 this is the 1 st year I had not worried about him as much. All I can say is you need to have him evaluted. It is not about how smart he is, it is how he handles the stress that is putin front of him. Children have to be successful in school,teachers expect more. KIds have to maintain peer friendships. It gets harder as they get older. He might be able to do the work but the pressure is still there. What if is always there. I agree with your husband, homeschooling will take away the pain of adapting and learning to deal with the stress. even make him feel well, but adventually he will have to deal with the outside world. My son who is bipolar,with a form of PDD, OCD, GAD and he has had all the same problems, some worse. I got the school to evaulate him, and got a private pychologist, and pychartic Dr. No parent wants to use drugs, but my son now with medications and the school helping him to manage the stress. Before We lived in the Dr office, he seen so many specialist to rule out any medical reason, and going places a nightmare. Time was a HUGE issue. So much he wore a watch, stared at the clock, and ask what time it was, & how many more mins he had. Now It is okay. My son has gifts I did not know. He was so twisted up in knots to relax to let them shine through. Before you give up on school, because at home he will also miss out on the social skills. Ask the school to evaulate him. You might be surprised. I have been fighting schools for a long time, but my son is doing awesome, in fact the teacher brags. He was always seen as intelligent before, loved school, and able to do the work. We ruled out bullies. You should look into that too. Though my son just didn't want to go to school anymore. There is So much in there and no one knew. He use to freak on test day, now he handles it well. Your not alone. It is hard, and I still worry about somedays. Your a mother,and your always going to hurt when they hurt. Don't give up. Seek out and rule out all other reasons before you throw in the towel. It might take 6 months, it is worth it to see them happy, but do not give up.

Although I am not sure. I think there is something wrong at his school. I don't think it has anything to do with the tests. Listen to your son. He is trying to tell you something. I don't think you should take him back to that school until you find out what it is about that school that is making him feel the way he does. Maybe a psychologist can help.

Maybe your son can see that you don't go out much and wants to stay at home to keep you company. if you are showing signs of depression he may be worried about you. Also he may have OCD like his father. you should see a doctor and make sure he has it or if he is just doing what his dad does so he will feel more loved by his dad. They can give ppl with OCD and medicaton for anxity. not something you want your 8year old on i know but if the worries are interfering him so much it could help alot. OR there could be bullies at school that tease him or make him uncomfortable that he doesn't want to talk about because he has been threatened by them.

Something is happening at school. He feels someone is making fun of him, or threatening him in some way. We went through this when our older daughter was in second grade. Another girl noticed how many hairs my daughter had on her arms and made, for her and her family, an idle comment that her arms looked like a ------'s arm. She used a word that is not allowed in our home, a word that is an insult to another race!!
My daughter was highly insulted, hurt, embarrassed. She did tell us what "someone" said, but would not tell us who the child was, and she wore long sleeves to school in hot weather!!! ONE DAY, she let the other child's name slip - I was off to the telephone right then to call her teacher who had not been able to see any problems that would upset my child so badly.
The teacher had a talk with the other child, who wept because she had hurt my daughter whom she loved !! The
child apologized to my daughter.
FINALLY, that school year was over, the other family moved
out of town. And life was a pleasure again, especially for
our "very smart, high IQ, smiling daughter!"
G.Wells

Have you thought about the possibility that he might be dealing with a school bully? I know that there have been children who have had similar symptoms, and it turned out to be a bully picking on them. I would try and check it out, just in case. Something has happened at school. A child just does not go from happy in school to wanting out for no reason. There is a reason. It just needs to be found. Maybe talking to a family counselor or a counselor for kids, whom he might open up to, could help you determine what is the root of this problem. Best wishes, darlin'. I hope that everything goes well.

I had Duodenal Ulcers by the time I was 12-years-old. What's odd is that, at the time, I thought everyone took school- and life- that seriously. I'm glad you're not minimizing this! I tried not to show my fears and, consequently, no one seemed to notice the extent of the problem. My suggestion is to take him to a therapist for One-on-One sessions- an outside therapist, not one affiliated with his school. For me, somewhere between my biology and my environment, I was overreacting to information I was misreading in the first place. I'm a perfectionist- with OCD, too- so I pushed myself in school anyway. When I got perfect grades and was praised for them, I felt that to keep my parents' and teachers' approval I always had to get perfect grades. My parents' unwitting disappointment over a rare B only reinforced this perception. Obviously, you do not want your child to go through this because he believes he must to be acceptible. This may not be the case for him, but I don't believe there is any set of circumstances which makes this kind of response in a young child "normal" or ok. I doubt, after some help, that home school will be necessarily needed, though I am curious why your husband is SO adament against it. It may be relevent, somehow. Whatever happens, to me the first step is to EASE UP- on yourselves, your worry, your fear. Your son can start to learn how to do the same for himself.
Good Luck! You're a very attentive mother. Be proud!
C.