Seeking Discipline Help for My 10 Yr. Old Son

You should start talking to your husband about how important it is for him to set a good example. You have to make him understand. Because unfortunately, our kids will learn most from what they see us doing, than what we tell them. The consequences for your son's behavior are fine (taking away his video games and tv, etc.), but nothing will work if he doesn't see a united front from you and your husband. It is the only way. Good luck!

Unfortunately, unless your husband gets on board with your discipline plan and also changes himself, it will be really hard to make him see the error of his ways. However, that would not stop me from laying down the law. I have always felt like I needed to make the rules clear while I was still taller - lol. I use discipline based on the book "Love and Logic". If you are a reader, I would HIGHLY recommend this system - it works! Good luck to you, hang in there!

I feel your frustration!! :) My oldest is a 14 yo boy, and we have had the same issues (and it does get a little worse before it gets better). He sees a therapist off and on when it is needed and he recommended a discipline plan that has truly worked for us all. You can read all about it at www.dankirkland.com it is under the menu bar option "resources and referrals" and then "online presentations".

There were a lot of "Ah HA!" moments while his dad and I read through it and my son was very much for this plan. He doesn't like it when he has to serve it, but it was his final decision :) Good luck, and remember, twice as much love as discipline which in it's root means "to teach".

Jenny

I feel your pain....My husband sounds like yours. I'm sure you laugh inside when you hear suggestions of you both going to classes, or therapy. Mine would never go. "It isn't him that has a problem with your child. It is you".

Ok, enough there. You are the disciplinary, and you have to deal with it now. He is only getting bigger. I too have a 10 yr. old son. He isn't as disrespectful as you are dealing with, YET! If things continue as they are, he will be. He is beginning to talk back, shout, and slam doors. I can see it coming. I have begun talking more with him one on one. Without anybody (brother) around. Talk about anything. Something he likes, his day, whatever. Just talk. Make that a daily duty. After a few days tell him you enjoy talking to him, and you don't like arguing. Stop there. A few days later tell him again how nice it is to talk to him. Let him know that you are always there to hear whatever he needs to say. He may have things going on at school, or it could be Dad that is making him act that way to you. He may need to talk to get out frustrations. I have found it to be very helpful. I know he is 10, but give him a hug when you can. You have got to make a friendship here, as well lay down the law. When you have a friendlier relationship with him, he will respect your rules, and punishment more.

I hope that wasn't too much rambling. I just feel like we are in the same boat. Good Luck, and keep in touch.

P. W.

Hi J. :) I feel like I was reading my own story to the T. My son is 9 going to be 10 in Sept. He is also coming home with bad grades when I know he is much more capable of getting better ones. It all seems to have started when my daughter was born. She is now 2 going to be 3 in July. His teachers have approached me also and recommended that I contact his pediatrician to get him tested for ADHD. My daughter was recently diagnosed with autism. I don't know but hang in there :) We must keep positive and continue to show them that we love them and we are just trying to make whatever that is making them so angry - get better :) I wish you the best. Have a great day.

Hello there,

you need to get your husband on board somehow. A parenting class is a must for both of you. That soft stuff will just get your son in trouble. If you do not put your foot down now, then there will be more trouble in the future. You are helping him when you discipline him. Stick to your guns and with persistence you will find success. persistence is the key. Also learn to reward when the behavior is the way you want it. Be hard and tough as nails. He should be getting it from Dad but since Dad has abdicated his position, you must now be mom and Dad.

good luck.
A.

Sit your husband down and talk with him, privately. The two of you need to get a babysitter and go somewhere neutral. Then tell him all. My only word of caution: do not tell him you feel like a single mom, he is working hard so you can stay home with the kids - don't make him feel guilty for this. Be sure to tell him how the sarcasim and accompanying behavior are hurting you and your son. If your husband won't get on board and really help with this situation then get outside professional help, a therapist. This behavior of your son's is learned and it is very disrespectful.

J., first you need to have a heart to heart with your husband about his behavior...if he is doing this at 10, he will do it more so at 15 and then it may lead to disobedience in other areas. If you are the one raising him all the time, he will use that you are a softy to get away with stuff and he won't take your discipline seriously if your husband won't back you up. If your son acts this way in public, I can tell you that NO ONE ELSE will think it's ok or cute and will wonder why his parents allow that behavior. If your husband won't help, maybe you should send him to a boys camp this summer where there is discipline.

I'm a softy too so I relate to how it makes you feel. If you can sit with your son (without crying), try talking about how it makes you feel when he acts that way and that you don't treat him that way. It's irrelevant if dad acts that way. He's a child and doesn't need to be allowed. If dad drinks beer or smokes cigarrettes, you won't allow that at 10 just because your son wants to be like dad. His behavior is going to influence little brother as well.