Seeking Advise in Handeling In-Laws

I agree with everyone's excellent advice about having your husband continue to take the lead. I just wanted to add a couple of suggestions. First, I agree with the woman who said, just be prepared for everyone to always show up an hour early - have some snacks out and ignore them until you are ready to serve everything else. I'd also suggest you refuse to host the next get-together - if no one else wants to, go to a family restaurant or hold it in a park as a potluck. You didn't buy your house to have everyone walk all over you. Sounds like your husband has been super supportive - how great! I also agree all the kids need to help clean up - I'd announce an hour in advance that clean-up time will start in half an hour, so no one will be taken by surprise, and then announce it again at the half-hour mark. Send down a couple of adults to supervise - NOT you! You are standing up for your own family and doing a great job!
take care, S.

i think i would let your husband take the lead(as in do most of the talking) but you should really have a nice mature "sit down" about htis. let your hubby lead as they are his folks, siblings, whatever. but maybe talk ahead of time about the three main points you would like to make. then have a talk personally withthe folks the siblings each and make your points clear and matter of factly(leave emotion out if possible) then you will know that you have said your piece. if things don't change i would use a reminder, and if still no change there will have to be a consequence of some kind(as in no more parties at your house or something like that) if you don't get a handle on it now, you will be dealing with this forever!!. but i would do some talking, and let hubby lead, they will probably take things more seriously coming from their own son/brother. (unfortunatley) GL, N.

I totally agree with what everyone has said, with my husband and I we have agreed that he handles things with his family and I do with mine so He talks to them on his own if there is an issue that needs to be taken care of, I've just found that it isn't helpful in our case for me to be there. His family has certain family members who are similar to your in-laws except that when they are given any sort of assignment that you are counting on they show up several hours late.

I really feel for you, it's never easy dealing with rude family members whether they are your in-laws or your own.

I feel for you...

What I did was to set the dinner time to an hour later than what I told them it would be (knowing that they would be there an hour earlier, and as soon as the came in, dinner was ready and I sat them down to eat.

What I would suggest about the high chair...they need to bring their own, that way they can take it home dirty. (Give yours away if you don't need it, or make sure your child is in it when they come!)
Before desert announce that it will be served "after" the table is cleared and garbage taken out. Also, after desert, give the younger members directions for the clean-up...like "Who wants to wash the dishes, and who wants to dry. etc.

Hope this works...
Oh, another added blessing...Start a tradition of saying a prayer of "thanks" before the meal, (that is if you don't already, this might prompt one of the other family members to want to have the next meal at their house.)

God Bless you,
C.

I would tell my husband to talk to the family about what things need to change. And so what if you guys have the most room i would say that for the next family get together it has to be a someone else house. That might really help everyone to realize how stressful it can be. But more that anything i would have your husband talk to the family. Good luck.

You have to take the initiative, hand the high chair tray to however used it and ask them to clean it, if you know that everyone is leaving at 7 at 6:30 tell all the kids to start helping with the clean -up. My friend's family is a lot like yours although her and I always expect people to show up early that is the way of things so I try to have everything done an hour before I said it would be ready, truthfully why fight it? It isn't really that big of a deal and it's not that much harder to start a little early, back to waht I was saying before I got off track :). She was having the same problems and frankly I was sick of watching them walk all over her and her house, so I took the intiatve and made people do it the thing is if you do it in a way that isn't demanding but like they are doing you the favor people are willing to help, ever since I took the initative she does it and her family is none the wiser to the manipulation! Good luck family can be such pains.

I don't think talking to them is a good idea. It hardly ever is except with your immediate family. The only thing that will happen is that their feelings will be hurt and they'll be mad. And when was the last time your husband actually stood up to them? Is he really going to now? Let's be realistic...unless you actually ban them from your house, they are going to keep coming and unless you figure out how to trick them into coming when you want, they are going to keep coming early. Relax. Make dinner early and try to have a sense of humor about your crazy inlaws. To tell you the truth, you just described my husbands in-laws...