Seeking Advice with 2 1/2 Year Old Who Can Be a Little to Much

R., you have a very busy household, and your poor little two-year-old is seriously put out by not being the baby any more. I really don't think discipline is the remedy. Lots and lots of cuddles, mummy time etc would be better reassuring him that you don't just want to spend your time with the baby. I have a five-year-old who is the baby in our family and needs lots of love and attention - don't forget that you've also got another very small child there (5, probably only in kindergarten) who needs just as much care - don't be tempted to use the 10-year-old as a grown up - he or she also needs lots of mom time and love). Good luck - Alison

I just saw another response suggesting hitting your child - absolutely NOT......he is two-years-old and that is completely inappropriate. What will that teach him apart from violence against someone is okay sometimes. Talk to him and explain that you love him so much, and try to explain why you don't want him to do something when he does it, but patience is what he needs - not smacking.

R.; first of all we all tend to give up on certain things when we cant do them any more, its ok that he wants a diaper, i wish i had the insight i have now after haveing 3 boys, it took them till each of them were 4 to get the whole potty thing down totally, they would do the pee thing but could not get the poo down, each of them started potty training at 2 and didnot finish till 4, so be patient, he also needs your attention, you have a new baby in your life and he is lacking attention, its ok and perfectly normal, just make more time with him, have him help out more, be consistant , to not be consistant is an irritant to children , dont irritate them by not sticking to your word, make our yes mean yes and no mean no, if ou change it you are irritating them, if you are gonna change your no to a yes, then just start off saying yes, he will be happier and so will you , its ok, he coudl also be goign through the terrible twos as some call it, its an age of learning more aruond him, he may also need his mind stimulated, when you take time for him , teach him numbers or alphabet or other things, their little brains can absorb about anything right now, let him absorb as much as he can, usually their minds are going faster than their bodies which makes it very hard to keep up with, haahah i know i had three of those, ahahah any way keep up the good work, and dont fret the potty stuff , its ok he will get it soon. just love your children and be consistant, have a great day D. s

I'd never expect a 2 1/2 yr old boy to be consistently potty-trained, especially with a baby in the house. Sounds like he's nervous about being a big boy in the face of a baby who's so cute and gets baby-type attention. A lot of kids will regress a bit just before moving ahead developmentally till they feel more secure. I'd say he feels needy right now, and don't we all know how that feels? It will pass but I'd help him through this. It definitely is not a "discipline" issue. He's just a little guy not sure where he fits right now.

It sounds like hes lashing out somethings changed in the rutine or int he house and hes having a hard time with it. So I would do out time for his age level or longer like if hes 2 hes in out time for 2 mins with out crying if that doesn't work make it longer. Take things away from him. First start with his most precious toy. He can't have it for a day or two depending on why your taking it away. Take away the tv, or outside time, anything he cares for. Let him know firmly this attidude is not working and he needs to straighten out.Another thing is tellhim he need sto straighten out or he will be going tobed earlier too because he doesn't know how to behave. Good luck!!

R.-

I too am a mother of 4 and have been a stay at home mom. I think the problem that you are experiencing is just a little old fashioned jealousy.It sounds to me that he wants to act like a baby because the baby is getting a bit too much of your attention in his eyes.

I would start out with giving him some time of his own without the baby. Maybe a special trip to someplace fun...with just him (mcdonalds playland or some type of playland type place). Also, let him be your big helper, and make him feel as if he is such a big boy. Kids eat this up!!

I think you may find that he will change his ways. Tell me if it works.

S.

p.s. Curious. Have you been stressing about being away from your kids? Could he have heard discussions with your husband about school?

Remember, the precious little kid is only 2 years old! He can't fully express his emotions or necessarily even understand his emotions yet. He's not always misbehaving just to piss you off - he's trying to communicate something that he can't express. Help him to communicate what he is feeling - ask questions, take the time to figure it out IN that moment. Like someone said: if he takes the bottle from the baby, first give it back to the baby but then talk to him about it - does he want to help give it to her, does he want to help prepare the bottle (maybe he can pick them out and choose the juice for her), does he want some juice to drink to drink with her, to "show" her how?

Most of all, make sure he feels that he is loved and that he is needed in the family, make him feel special as a big brother and tell him there is so much he can do to help!

Whatever you do, PLEASE don't resort to spanking or hitting your child! This will only make him more confused and frustrated. He needs to feel incorporated, not punished for his confusion and frustration. Make SURE he gets some time each day in which he receives your undivided attention doing something of his choice - he can pick out the book, go down the slide 100 times with you, or sing the same song over and over. But it is time with you.

Yes, he needs to learn to share your attention, but he is only two years old! You cannot possibly expect that he will suddenly become fully independent and not need the love and attention of his mommy, right?

I admire you with four children and going back to school! Try to make the most of your school time so that when you are with your kids you are fully with them and not distracted. Try to make the few moments you do have with them precious and fun. Don't fret the small stuff - so he wears a diaper, he's only 2, nobody wears them forever!

Good luck!

Hi R.,

I agree with most everything in all these posts. Just wanted to share with you what my son did when his baby sister came home from the hospital. (He is 2 years and 8 months older that his sister.) After being home for a few days, my family visited and brought take-out for dinner. We sat down at the kitchen table and I put the baby in the bouncer on the floor, next to my chair. Everyone was sitting at the table and craning their necks to see the baby - they couldn't see my son behind them. He was carrying a big cardboard box way up over his head - and was heading right for baby sister and looking like he was going to put the box right over her to cover her up. I told him "Oh, no you don't." So, he put the box down on the other side of the kitchen and moved his plate, cup and spoon over to the box made into a table.

Come to think of it - he was in pull-ups at the time and wasn't potty-trained until he was almost 4. He would pee, but wasn't interested in going poop on the potty. Now, he is almost 8.

Good luck! Just know that this too, shall pass. (No pun, intended!) D.

Ahhh~ I have been through this. Your son is obviously feeling a little rejected and displaced over the baby. Give him as much good attention and positive reinforcement as you can. Look for any good thing he does and go a little overboard on it. Try and take time, may only be 10 minutes for just him a day...
IF he wants to wear diapers for a while... let him... he will decide that it isn't so good in the end. He just wants to be as special as the baby.
My son, who is now 25 years old, did the same thing. I had such a time with him I was beside myself. Then a wise old Mom gave me this same advice and after hmmmm, maybe a month of ignoring the bad and finding the good... I got my little sweetie back.
In the time I was waiting, I kept calling her and saying... it's not working! My husband didn't agree at all. He wanted punishment for everything.... remember discipline happens before the trouble, punishment happens after an undesirable event has occurred.
Discipline would be changing the situation up before anything happens.
My son is 25 and his little brother is 24 and they are the best of friends.
Take Care, A.
p.s. I also spent a lot of time praying when my kids were little. Now I spend time praying for my grown kids and grandkids... it helps!

This is sibling rivalry. Nothing more. But at 2.5 years it isn't much of a surprise. He's got to share your attention and affection with the others. Keeping himself in diapers assures him that you will have to pay attention to him just to change him.
I would not let him get away with grabbing the littler one's juice. Time out chair and be consistent.

Mine acted this way too when I had another baby. Just give him lots of extra attention. Try to include him in the baby chores (getting you diapers, throwing diapers away, giving baby a toy, etc.) Also try to have fun times dancing, reading, playing when baby is napping. This will surely help. good luck.