Potty Training Nightmare - Spokane,WA

I just gave this same advice to another similar request. I keep a potty chair in my daughter's bedroom and one in the bathroom. She uses the one in her bedroom when she is watching TV or playing and doesn't want to stop. I put plastic and a blanket under the chair. As a treat we call her daddy at work and he gets all excited, congratulates her and tells her how good she did.(she's a daddy's girl) We then make a big deal of bringing it to the big potty and flushing it. We give her plenty of extra attention, singing and clapping and it gets her feeling so proud.

I recently read a great book about potty training called Dipaer-Free Before Three. Despite the name, the technique can be used for older children. It's a gentle approach centering on routine and consistency and has helped me tremendously with my son. Hope it helps you just as much. Good luck.
H. G.

My son did the same thing (turns out he has aspergers syndrome). I found that if i could make it his idea and put it in a question, he would go. for ex. I'd say, Who'd turn is it to go potty? or are you listening to your body? or Who wants to go first? keeping him undressed on the bottom helps a lot too. bottom line is the more i tried to make him, the less he wanted to. In fact everything is like that with him. I learned to use if then statements, like if you want to __________, then ________ first. that makes it their idea :) Hope this helps. Oh, I read a great book called How To Con Your Kid. It has lots of great tips like this. Lifesaver!

I understand that you are thinking 3 1/2 is too old not to be farther along in potty training but really it's not. The more frustrated and pushy you are about it the less your son will want to do it. Take it one step at a time. As soon as he is peeing in the potty on a regular basis then you can work on getting him out of his diaper for pooping.

Hi T.,

I completely understand and can feel the very fabric of your frustration. My son was exactly the same way in that he was a late potty trainer and would exhibit the same signs as your son.

I would recommend a weekend in which you take off to go intense on this. What worked for us is keeping his bottom half naked and taking him almost every hour. What worked the fastest is when Daddy took him and went pee at the same time. After every poo in the toilet we gave him lots of praise and a frozen treat. The treats were ONLY for poos. When we went to the store and got the treats, we started the anticipation then toward earning one of the treats.

I sure hope this helps!

J.

I am sorry to hear it has been difficult. I know how frustrating and inconvenient a stubborn little one can be when working with the potty thing. I have potty-trained 4 little ones and they have all been different. The one thing I always try to remember is that everyone eventually learns how to use the toilet! It is just around the corner for you.

The other thing I try to do is make it a non-issue. Meaning, I try not to get emotionally involved in the whole ordeal and only reward them when they go in the potty. If they go somewhere else I just respond with a "oops, you didn't make it" and try to ignore the frustration of it. I know it is difficult because it is gross, but the less you try to control it, it seems it is easier for them to learn. Also, when you are home with the kids just set the timer every 1/2 hour and have him try. If he doesn't want to, don't force him. If it becomes a power struggle they end up winning because you can't control when and where they potty!

Also, don't be afraid to go back to pull-ups. This will simply make it easier on you. He will go in the potty soon, I promise! Even if you feel like you are going backwards, he will get it. Unless there is something wrong with him physically, it is only a matter of time.

Best of luck! The first one is always the most frustrating =0)

I am right there with you. 3 1/2 and no interest...(he also goes and hides to poop, then lies about being stinky)
FYI boys are usually late potty training and they have until they turn 4 to be in the "normal" range. It can take as little as a week to get it down so you have 6 months, and even then its not uncommon for them to be into their 4th year.
There are some things you can NOT force your children to do..
EAT
SLEEP
POTTY TRAIN
you just have to be patient and wait for it and encourage it.
He probubly senses your frustrations and that causes anxiety or rebellion. You cant punish them for NOT pottying only praise them when they do and encourage through possitive re-enforcement. I comfort myself in the fact that I dont have to panic trying to find a restroom in the middle of the mall, or during a long car ride somewhere when running late, I dont have to change a messy stinky accident in public without a change of clothes or bathtub and I dont have to worry about missing the "signs" while hes too involved in his project to realise he needs to go...Not yet anyway. He is still your baby for a bit longer...you cant go back so enjoy what you can and try not to worry. No normal child goes off to school in diapers so it will happen...Good Luck, Jen

Hello T.,

I have two boys and they both did not potty train until about 3 months until their 4th birthday (I have one that will be 4 in December so his potty training is still in the works) I have been told on many occasions that boys do take longer than girls and it has been true in my case. Although very frustrating it will happen. My younger boy still has issues with Poo, but I have found that talking to him about how every one poo's and it is ok to poo and that has eased his fears about pooing in the toilet. Right now the poo makes it into the toilet about 75% of the time. Hang in there and don't let him know your frustrations, but encourage him every time he doesn't make it and celebrate every time that he does. He will catch on sooner or later.

A.

If this makes you feel any better, My son potty trained himself one day at my mom's he went all day without any prompting at 2 1/2. My mom called to ask if I had potty trained him, I told her we hadn't started yet.
So when he got home I praised him and started him in underware. he refused! we battled for a week and he did everything in his power not to go in the toilet. he didn't want any recognition at all. I even tried leaving him naked and that resulted in poop on our floor as he skated across it! argh!!

I have heard of potty training in a day with a potty party, many people swear by it. you spend the whole day focused on a doll and giving it a party when it goes in the potty. finally he goes and he recieves the party too...

I'm waiting on my son because i don't want a power struggle.

you could try a reward system, my son has started listening better now with a sticker chart. it's very helpful.

T.- Boys in general take longer to potty train than girls. You can try and push it but you may be fighting a wall. It is not unheard of for a 3 year old to not be potty trained. Part of it is physiological. The connection between needing to poop and the part of the brain that can stop it takes time to develop- again, longer in boys.

Also, many potty trained kids (boys and girls)will pee all they want in the toilet, but will only poop in a diaper. While it is frustrating, and you do want to encourage the toilet, you do also need to let your son take the lead some what as far as being ready to poop in a toliet.

I worked in a pre-school before I had my son. Peer pressure is a big influence. I found a lot of kids started wanted to go and use the elusive potty when all their friends were going. If he goes to pre-school send him in a pull-up and tell the teachers you are potty training.

My $.02

M.

My oldest son quickly figured out he could still go in the pullups so he didn't bother to use the restroom. So I switched to regular underwear and plastic covers and that worked except for the poo. Ended up bribing him with a trip to toys r us. Try using stickers on a chart for every time he uses the bathroom and when he gets so many he gets a prize or gets to do something he wants.

My oldest son was/is a sneaky pooper, too. He absolutely will not use the toilet under supervision. When I backed off and let him do his thing, he was more willing to use the toilet when he had to go.

We used a "Poo Poo for Choo Choo" reward program to encourage this and it worked beautifully.

In our house toys that don't get picked up end up in toy time out. My son's Thomas the Tank Engine collection is pretty large and toy time out usually contained several items at any given time. Every time he went poo poo in the potty, he got to pick out two trains.

(We actually got to the point where we would have to sneak trains out of his toy box to put into toy time out so we would have something he could pick out when he used the toilet. We weren't fooling him though. One night when I discovered that the toy time out box was empty, my son went running to his play room. He came running back with an armload of trains which he dumped into time out. Then he proudly selected two of the trains as a reward for going "poo poo." My husband and I could only stare at each other. And we thought WE were so smart in sneaking those trains into time-out! Duh! We hadn't been fooling that kid for a second!)

What worked best for me is to STOP WHAT THE CHILD WANTS IN THE MOMENT and make him go. If my son was playing with a truck I would take the truck away and tell him that he could have it back after he used the potty. This works so much better than rewards because it's something that kids want in the moment and that's how they think. My son was also 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. He is totally normal developmentally, so it's just a common age for boys to figure this out.

Another thing that works AMAZINGLY well with my son is to have him affirm what you want. Make him say, "I ONLY POOP/PEE IN THE POTTY". Make him say it over and over and over. I promise that it will work very quickly. This technique works with everything. If you son says that he can't find his shoes, make him say, "I CAN FIND MY OWN SHOES" out-loud. It only takes about three times and the child will do it. I still can't believe how well this works with my son! :)

Hello,
I can really sympathize with you. My daughter went through the same thing. She was too stubborn and lazy to go in the potty. I think it was her way of trying to control her environment. I started setting the timer, for 15 min. or 20 min. And we started off the day by saying okay every time the timer goes off you need to go sit on the potty. She thought it was fun and so she was willing to do it. The key was to make sure she dropped whatever she was doing and went potty as soon as the timer went off. I can't say it worked like a charm, but after a week or so of doing that it kind of reinforced the whole urgency thing. Now she does take herself potty. I think that little method had a lot to do with it. I hope things get better, don't get discouraged and hang in there. Things will get better.

My daughter was almost 4 before she was finally potty trained. It's normal that he goes off to be alone to poop. At that age, they are subconsciously uncomfortable with releasing it. Some kids will hold it until they have blood vessels burst in their faces. You said that he is not even close, but it sounds like he is. When it does happen, it will seem like it's practically overnight. You just don't want to push him too hard in a negative way. Potty training can affect him the rest of his life in subtle ways. Just keep encouraging and praising. He'll get it soon. I remember it seemed like forever with my daughter. But it finally happened and she was close to turning 4.

First of all, don't be so quick to call him lazy. Every kid has their "time" Here are some things to consider. He has a new baby sister! She is probably getting more attention than him.. including those diaper changes.. and if that gets him attention, it might be worth it to him to get it that way. My son was 3 when his first sister came along, and he did have a set back, but try to have some patience with him. See if one of you can take a week off from work so you are with him 24/7 to provide some security and consistency with the training (unless you can agree to a system.. you both are going to do it slightly different).

some tricks I learned with my son: peer pressure: ask some of his friends parents when they are together if your son can watch them go to the bathroom... at least for my son it did not help to see Daddy go... but once he saw his cousins or friends going, BINGO! For aim when he is standing up, give him a step stool so he can reach, the place one square of toilet paper on top of the water so it floats, ask him to make it sink, my son also liked to make the water turn green when I had a blue toilet cleaner in there. Some other incentives would be to keep a small jar of some small candies - like Skittles & M&Ms, give him 3 (because he is three years old, and ask him to count them out with you each time) for each time he goes in the potty. Another incentive is to have his very own calendar - or if your calendar is big enough, bet some small reward stickers like the teachers have (WalMart often sells pads of them and will have an entire sheet of small smiley face stickers about the size of the tip of your finger) each time he goes in the potty all day, put a sticker on that day, once he has a week of stickers, give him a reward, something you establish right now. For example, my 4 year old is wetting the bed again, if he wakes up dry, he gets the sticker, I have a picture of a toy he wants near the calendar, (less than $7) when he gets that week of stickers for staying dry at night, he gets the toy. Patience is huge.. if he sees you are angry or upset, that really won't help. Encourage him and give him hugs when he tries, you might feel silly jumping up and down or hollering "Yay!" and clapping your hands.. but your son will greatly appreciate your show of approval.. sometimes that is ALL it takes.. your positive attention, don't grumble too much over the mistakes, make a bigger deal out of his successes.

Hang in there.. if he is not finished by four.. that is okay... every kid is different.. I think my first son was completely potty trained by 4, so hang in there.

oh yeah.... pull ups.. they make them with designs that disappear if they wet them, and ones that will feel cool so they can recognize when they wet them. If you can find some in his size with a character or theme that he likes, that may also provide some motivation, my youngest son did not like the idea of peeing on spiderman or buzz and woody. So there are lots of options and "tools" out there to help you.

Good luck!

Many people disagree about timing and about pushing too soon. I personally had good luck with my first. I have found that 2 years seems to be perfect timing. I have also found that consistancy is the only key. If they know you mean it, they are very smart, they will respond to your training however you decide to do it. You have to discipline yourself too. It's not easy to do. A lady who had ten kids all potty trained before they turned two told me she had hers run around naked for few days and gave them tons to drink. Every time they looked ready to go, or started going she said, "no, no, not here, go in the potty" and ran them to the potty. It worked for her, just took a lot of work for a few days. Good luck!

We are right there with ya, our 3 1/2 year old is doing the same thing. He will go potty all day long at daycare, but no #2.. Same deal, goes somewhere and does the deed and then when he tells us, he instantly says "sorry mommy".. He'll go potty at home when we bug him, but not on his own.. I too am worried, will this child ever be potty-trained??