Seeking Advice on Daughters Attitude

Maybe it is from something she perceived as a slight? Sometimes being too helpful and trying to lend a hand can be taken as being pushy or overbearing. My father is a very helpful person and loves to be a very active part of my family's life. It took me a while to realize that this was how he showed that he cared, as it sometimes came across as him being pushy or trying to run my life. Criticism of my husband or choices to him was helpful advice and his wanting me to know his opinion, to me it insulting. It took several months to work out boundaries of what was okay and what wasn't, and those are often crossed and we have to start from square one.

Without knowing your history as mother and daughter, it's hard to say definitively. With that in mind, I would start with just trying to maintain as much supportive contact with your grandchildren as possible. Then there's prayer. Is there something that needs to heal between you?

Your post is just a snippet of the whole story as mother and daughters in general have an extensive history. I suggest alot of counseling for various things but before that I would suggest in this case, a wonderful book called:

"When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends
Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life"
Written by Victoria Secunda.

It is a great read worth every penny of the $15 and gives insight to all women. It is just as applicable to men, sons, friends... everyone.. It really gives insight into yourself & others in all realtionships. Hopefully it will be of help to you. Now I recommend everyone read it but first you and then you could loan it to your daughter if you find it helpful (only after you have read it) as a good faith gesture of trying to improve your relationship.
Best wishes.

I have a sister that chose to consider me "dead" five yrs.ago & I haven't heard from her since. I take care of our mom who is in a nursing home...I visit daily & take care of all her legal stuff & clothing, etc. She is the looser...! What drove the wedge between you & your daughter? Sometimes we tend to expect them to be the ones to "smooth" over arguements, etc. when we realize we're the parent even if we're not wrong...try to work things out...when you do all you can it's up to her & nothing you can do except pray.....!

I would ask her if there is something you did that hurt her and then say I am sorry. If she ask why you want to know explain to her how her actions make you feel. I would also pray that God would heal your relatship with her.

Hi S.,
There is plenty of good advice here, so I am just repeating some of it I suppose. It sounds as though there are some personal issues that need addressing.

Pull her aside one day and actually sit at the table and talk. Tell her how much your heart is breaking over being treated as if you don't exist. Cry if you need to. I mean, this is your own daughter, not a daughter 'in law'.

Life is short. She needs to resolve whatever is bothering her or she will regret her treatment of you for the rest of her life. In the end, I honestly want for both of you to look sincerely into each others eyes, embrace and say how much you love each other.

Be sorry and start over. Good luck and God bless you both. Please keep us posted.

Dear S.,
I have a daughter in law the very same way. I worried about it until I became a Diabetic, don't let this happen to you. I do not talk to her unless she speaks to me first, I will answer her, but I do not carry on a conversation with her. I love my 2 grands that she has given me, I try not to let it show, they do not need to worry about that. One is 12 and the other is 9. I would do any thing for her if she would just let me, but since she is the way she is, we get along better this way. It's a shame that families can't get along any better. Life is too short and some day she will see that she was wrong, just pray for her and give her all the love you can.

since i have a rebellious daughter maybe i can help....... My daughter done the same thing to me, u just have to act like it don't bother u at the way she is acting, and i can almost promise u she'll come around... MINE DID!!!! Just keep ur head up and keep smilin cuz everything will work out...

That's tough, but there may be another way to look at it. Maybe your daughter needs to feel you value her as much as you do the grandchildren. Grandchildren come with very little baggage- adult daughter mother relationships with a lot of baggage sometimes. It's easier sometimes to focus mainly on the grandchildren. That said, it sounds like you want a closer relationship with your daughter- are there things you see she does well that you could affirm her in. Perhaps you could find kind and special things to do for her. Focus on trying to rebuild the relationship with your daughter. (but not just because of the grandchildren) Sounds like she is carrying a lot of anger for whatever reason. She is blessed to have such a loving grandmother for the children, but that may be hard for her to embrace if she doesn't feel she is accepted and valued in the same way.

S., I have a similar situtation. My daughter lives about 8 miles from us. She has a little boy. It is very hard to not have a close relationship. We are two entirly different people, with different tasts, hobbies and likes. I miss her and my grandson. My husband and I pray for the situation to change and for them to make changes in their lives so they will have time for others.

I think you should be open with her, she may feel the same as you do. My daughter and I went through the same thing. It did help our situtation some. But the truth and openness between you would be a good thing. If she chose to keep you grandchild from you that would be another problem. I wouldn't think a daughter would do that. If there are other problems you have with her maybe you should get that out in the open also.

If you are not doing anything wrong.....maybe she's
bi-polar???? I'm serious my dh acts that way and I'm like WHAT DID I DO????

I hope you get some great answers....This is an awesome group!

I wish I could help you, however, it seems to me lately that no matter what I say to my 17 year old son, he either gets furius of is embarrased about me. I only try to pick and play with him but he doesn't get it. I am only trying to pick at him but I guess he can't take a joke. I am really getting my feelings hurt because I love my son sooooo much and want him to love me back just as much. He often raises his voice at me and ridicules me. What can I do except pray?