Seeking Advice - Wichita, KS

Be honest and tell her what happened and why it bothers you, but don't tell her how to parent her children. If it bothers you to the point where you can't be around her kids, then arrange for events where it's just you and her and leave the kids with a babysitter.

Hi A.,

I commend you for observing the bahavior of the boys. You should explain to your friend what you observed and let her know you value your friendship. True friends have to look out for each other. And that means highlighting or saying things that can make the other uncomfortable. If you don't share your thoughts with your friend now regarding her sons, how would you feel when they grow up and get into further serious situations?? Better help your friend now and let her be mad at you....it will pass. If she is sensible, which I know she is, she will listen to you. So invite her for coffee or tea (one on one) and talk to her as your friend okay...don't confront her though by using words to make her feel that your are attacking or condeming her parenting skills...otherwise she will be on the defensive and you won't get anywhere with her...let her know you understand it is not easy raising 4 boys....and then ease into the your observation...hope you are successful.....take care A.!

If you avoid telling the truth you're teaching your children to lie to get out of sticky situations.

Tell her point blank that her kids are a bad influence and you intend to limit unsupervised contact with the children. The kids play in your presence and you tell her the rules in your house. If she doesn't want to abide by them and won't make her children she'll stop coming around.

I would limit my contact with these kids until your children are old enough to know that some people behave badly and that your children are not allowed to act that way.

Keep putting her off. Even tell her that one of your children has been grounded for the constant use of certain words since the party so you cannot go anywhere or have any company.

Is your friend a single mother? I could not tell from your e-mail. I would say that being a single mother trying to raise four boys would be difficult. I say that because I have 3 boys and a husband, and sometimes feel I am going to pull my hair out. I would not be too harsh on her if that is the case. Boys definetly need a consistent male influence in their lives. If she is married- I would definetly include her husband in on any conversation you might have with her.

That being said, your first priority is YOUR children. If you have her kids over again, I would not hesitate to disipline them in your home, and make sure your chidren see you do it (I.E. - we do not say that word in our home. That word is inappropriate and hurtful. Please go sit down for a while until you feel you can apoligize for that word. )

I would be honest with her. I know it will be very difficult. I am somewhat shy when it comes to face to face. I'd do it on the phone. Maybe simply explain, "I'm glad we're friends. But there is something that is really bothering me and I don't want you to get upset with me." Then I'd go into specifics. It was YOUR house they were in. In my opinion, that's where kids should behave the BEST, when they're at someone else's house. Was the mother there w/ them? If she wasn't, she probably doesn't know. I'd explain their actions to her. If she was there and did nothing, that's another story.

In either situation, I'd be completely honest with her. (I'm a chicken, though, I'd do it over the phone.)

Best of luck to you!
~K.

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation because I have the same problem. So if you get any good suggestions, let me know.