M.P.
J., I watched a SuperNanny program which dealt with this very proble. I noticed that the Nanny has written a couple of books and this technique is in one of them.
Her technique is to give the child as little attention as possible. Do the bed time routine; teeth, potty, jammies. Perhaps a bath or reading a story or just talking for a few minutes. Tell them what you're going to do. Give hugs and praise about staying in bed. "I know you know how to stay in bed." Or something like that. After that no talking or any interaction with the child/toddler other than to put him back in bed.
Then leave the room. Or the mom may have stayed in the room sitting on the floor with head down looking at the floor. Each time the child/toddler gets out of bed, calmly put them back in bed. But give them no attention. Do not make eye contact. On the program this did go on for over an hour or two the first night, Gradually it took less time and the child was staying in bed by the end of the week.
The difficult part for this mother was in not expressing her frustration and eventually anger as this went on and on. This is where the Nanny helped. She was connected to the mom with a radio. She supported the mom's efforts, encouraging her to stick with it. The mother did get tense and I could see in her body posture that she was getting angry by the way she put him back to bed time after time. But she never said a word. Just put him back to bed.
I think I read in her book that you could have a spouse or friend be in the living room to coach you thru it. But that person was not to get involved except to coach. Also only one parent put the child/toddler back to bed each time for the entire training period.
Of course the toddler cried, screamed, fought back but the mother just kept putting him back to bed without comment or eye contact.
I'm an easy going sort of parent and expected that this would be too harsh. After watching it I saw that it worked because the parent is only involved by returning the toddler to his bed. This technique takes the personal involvement out of it. One of, maybe the main reason, kids get out of bed because they want attention. The child get no rewards for getting out of bed. Once he stays in bed, praise him the next morning.
I noticed that you said you've tried putting him back in bed over and over. I think the ignoring part is important as well as doing it for as long as it takes. When you try different methods he's not sure about what you will do next and so tests you to find out.
