4 Yo Daughter Acting Out/not Staying in Bed

You could try ignoring her. My DD does things as long as they cause a reaction, and it doesn't matter if it's a negative reaction. She's trying to get SOME reaction out of you!

I'd say on the weekend if she comes in to wake you up, ignore her. Pretend you're sleeping no matter what she does. If she screams and wakes the other one up, go and comfort the other one back to sleep and ignore the 4-year old. Let her sit, let her scream, let her do whatever. If she tries to do something harmful, take whatever it is away, but do it emotionlessly and don't say anything.

Not getting a reaction may make her "turn up" the drama, but then you know it's working. She's trying to see how much drama she can stir up. If you give her no reaction, she'll turn it up until she decides it's just not going to work. When she calms down again, tell her gently "it's bed time" and then take her back to bed, saying nothing about her "drama."

You might not get sleep that night, but it should work.

When we can't seem to "punish" bad behavior out, or encourage it out with positive reinforcement we use the ignore method and it works every time! Both methods put attention on the behavior, either attention on doing it (with punishment) or attention on not doing it with rewards. The ignore method does neither, and it's true that if you ignore it long enough it will go away (just make sure you really DO ignore it, and it might take a night or two but it will be a permanent fix!)

Have you ever watched SuperNanny? I purchased her book and here's what she says about this, "First, eliminate all excuses for getting out of bed - thirst, pee, etc. Then the first time your child gets out of bed, escort her back and explain that it's bedtime. Give her a kiss and hug. Then leave. The second time, put her back to bed and say, "It's bedtime, darling." Give another cuddle and leave. The third time, put her back to bed without saying a word. Subsequent episodes should be treated the same way. No talking, no conversations, no debate. You must get a grip on yourself and understand your emotions (the parent). You are not being mean, you are just teaching your child to stay in bed."

"It is very important with this technique that the parent who put the child to bed in the first place is the one who takes him back to bed when she wakes up. Follow through is essential. This lets the child know that he cannot play one parent against the other." - SuperNanny, Jo Frost pg. 196

She goes on to talk about a reward chart for staying in bed. If you've ever watched her show it seems to work very well, but it takes a few nights for the time it takes them to stay in bed to be immediate.

Hope this helps!

We have a 3 yo who we've dealt with very similar issues and have tried many of the same tactics. I agree you are using good ideas. The only other light I can shed is when you take her back to her room; no warm fuzzies. Meaning don't talk to her, tuck her in or any other way of comfort. Every time she gets out just take her by the hand and walk her back into bed. She is getting a little of your attention and that could be feeding her want of just that. Also, tell her that she can earn a reward when she stays in her bed all night. Remember to keep the prize small or things get out of hand very quickly. Praise her bigtime too if she does.

I'm reading a really good about children called "Five Love Languages of Children" by Chapman & Campbell. It talks about how children have emotional tanks that need to be filled up every day. Teaching, discipline, and expressing love are best done with the child's love language in mind. I recommend reading it as it has helped me understand my child. I feel like I'm better able to communicate, discipline and express love to him.

It's possible that there are some unmet emotional needs that are driving her bedtime behavior. Just addressing the behavior may cause more problems. If you think of yourself, when you don't meet the expectations of others or rebel against authority, there's usually a reason.

Check out the website www.supernanny.com . It is a TV show but the website gives some really go advice.

S.