Second Child - Columbus,IN

My girls are 3.5 years apart. I told my oldest right away and made it exciting for her. I don't thnk she really got it until I was ready to pop and we were getting the baby stuff out. My youngest is now 10 months and my 4 year old has never, once had any animosity or jelousy towards her baby sister. I still cannot believe somedays how well she has adjusted. Even when the baby is crying or getting into something the older one is trying to play with, her patience is amazing to me. She has never gotten upset with the baby for crying loudly when she is trying to watch her favorite movie, or when she got her barbies or other small toys taken away from her for leaving them where the baby could get to them. She has been so wonderful. I tell her everyday that she is the best big sister ever!! We stared out right away making "dates" where my husband and I would take her to dinner or a movie or something. We would tell her it was just for big sister's and get a sitter for the baby. She really loved this, it made her feel like a big kid. She is also my big helper and loves it. Another suggestion, when the baby came, my husband and I and a few of my sisters had "big sister" gifts to give her at the hospital, so she wouldnt' feel that teh baby was taking all of the attention that she had soley had her whole life. We really tried and still do, to make her feel special as the big sister. Just try to make it fun for him and any special attention he gets because he is the big brother will be special to him.
Good Luck!!

Talk to him about it from the begining let him know what a good big brother you think he will be and how much the baby loves him. Also it is very important that he knows the baby will cry alot and need mommies attention alot. Tell him babies can't do things for themself and need help with everything. let him know from now on how much you love him and that you will always love him and the baby won't change that. Include him in preperations for the baby let him help pick out a special outfit for the baby, he will feel proud everytime the baby wears the special outfit he picked out. Also it is important that he understands that mommy won't feel well for awhile but make shure he know your going to be okay seeing mommy in pain can be even more tramatic than the new baby.
The most important thing is don't let him alone with the baby even for a second not because I think he might hurt the baby but because even siblings who love the new baby may hurt them by trying to pick them up or feed them something. My 2 year old is always trying to feed my infant her crackers and apples, and once climbed the crib to try to pick him up.

Good luck! We haen't had any jealosy yet and my infant is 2 months old now. R.

S.,

I would say the best way to prepare him is talking with him about all the details of being a baby and possibly refer him back to when he was a little baby how much care he needed. Also, have him help you with anything he can to prepare for the babies arrival. That will make him feel even more special. I had the nursery all set up and my son (2 yrs) and I would go into the room and make sure everything was ready for his baby sister to come home.....this was like 2 weeks before she was born.

Hope this helps!
A. C.

Hi S.,

What I read H., it is pretty much the same I have D. with my older kid when he became a "big brother".
I tried to involved him in everything since the beginning. When my husband and I found out that I was pregnant, we told our son immediately. I told him that he was going to have a little brother. He was thrilled, happy and very enthusiastic. However, I knew that he was going to be jealous at some point. He was being the only one for 6 years!
We prepared everything together, and we have to re organize rooms. We made to participate our son (Alex)in every detail, nursery, baby clothes, name and so on....Also, I gave my son the opportunity to get some present for his little brother; he got something very cute for the baby with his own money, and that made him feel so special. At the same time, I bought something for Alex from the baby and he was so happy when the baby got home with a present just for him!!!
At school, they had to make a bookstory about something the kids wanted to talk, and Alex chose "My Baby", he cut,he drew and he made everything about "his baby".
He was involved in everything before and after and at the present time as well.
BUT....after all that "good feeling and enthusiasm", and with all my efforts about not letting him left out, Alex felt that things changed, and the first two months were really hard (tantrums, bedwetting,tears..) I started asking him about his feelings, and he talked to me very honestly, and then I tought him that a baby was too little to know what he already knew and WE had to help him to know the life...that was very important for him to know.

I felt so sad and sometimes frustrated because I tried to do everything together with my husband to make Alex feels always loved, but not always was easy. But the main thing is that we let our son know that he ALWAYS was and is loved and accepted the way he is, and we had a LOTS, LOTS of patience (we still do) .
My husband and I took turns to share time with Alex and play with him and do things.
I always let him cry and express his feelings when he is mad, or upset or sad about "his baby" now and then.
We talked a lot about having a baby at home and the important rol that he was to play.
Once, my son asked me:.."Mommy, do you still love me?"..and I said: " Of course I love you..you are the best son and big brother of the whole wide world..and you know a secret?..".I said.." you were the FIRST one I loved....now you have a little and sweet brother and you are the FIRST brother who loves him...Never forget that my heart is huuuge to love you, your little brother and your dad...." and I held him in my arms...Since then, he has been so special and relaxed about having a baby at home and he always says to me that he loves to have a baby brother.
He is actually a good helper and he feels very important helping with the baby and being a "big brother"..
S., things are being great right now with these two brothers, but it took time.

Just show your little one you always love him and accept when or if gets upset or sad or mad without apparent reason.It is a huuuuuuge change for him..

Good Luck!
Alejandra

all of the advice, the comments are really great.. there's not much more to add. Typically girls are easier to adapt because they're nurturers. Talk to you little boy and try to get him excited about being "the big brother". Like when he's playing trucks in the floor - tell him that he will get to teach the baby how to play games, and when the baby gets bigger he'll have a new friend as well.

I'm agreeing with what everyone else has already said about talking with your child. Try practising what it will be like with a baby using a doll and role playing. Teach your child about how to handle a baby and explain some of the things that are happening to you and the baby. We took our (then) kindergartener to my ultrasound and she was so excited to "see" her little brother.

And once the baby is here, let your older child be a helper. Our girls were excited just to go get a diaper or help pick out an outfit or any other small task that may not have been the biggest taks in the world, but it meant the world to them because they helped with the baby.

S.
You can start to read books and have fun with that! I went out and bought a BIG SISTER shirt for my daughter and we put it away and every now ans again we would take it out and talk about when she will gat to wear it. Also when you take a tour of the hospital take your son with you and show him where you and the new baby will be staying for a few days and that will help him not to be scared.

We started talking to our 3 and 2 year olds about the new baby as soon as possible. Now my 3 year old calls my belly her baby and Sophia Gabrielle. My son kisses my belly and when you ask him where his baby is he lifts up his shirt!! We just tried making the idea of a new baby as fun as we could for them. Telling them they were going to be a big sister and big brother was really exciting for them. They like being called big kids anyway so that's how we have done it. And the only thing I'm remnotely worried about is jealousy. But I held my cousin's baby, who is about a month now, and theywere fine with it. So, we'll see. GOOD LUCK!!!!

They have books out that you can buy that you can read to your child about a new baby coming. When I was still pregnant with my second child I would explain to my two and half year old about what was in mommy's belly and I checked out books at Hazard Comm. COllege's library about new siblings. They really helped a lot. And when ever her brother got here I took her out by herself and gave her some me and her time with out the new baby.

I got my son involved in everything when I was pregnant with our second child. He was 4 at the time, and turned 5 two months after she was born. He went to all doctor appointments that didnt require me to be naked. He especially loved going to the ultrasounds with me. He was involved in naming her and he loved telling everyone that he was going to be a big brother. The only time he had problems was when people would tell him he could be having a brother. He would get mad at them, and yell. I thought he had worse emotions then me, and I was pregnant. Good Luck and Congratulations!

What i did with my son was made it very real from the beginning. I told him we have a baby coming and you have to set a good example ofr this child. Hes 3. For along time he didnt know what i meant by mommy has a baby in her belly till i really started to show and my daughter started kicking where everyone could feel it. Once that started i would have him lay his head on my tummy and ask him do you hear/feel sissy in there? He would get all excited and say REALLY. I had him *help* me do the baby room up over the course of 3 months to give him a chance to see that some of his old baby toys are going to his sister because hes too big for them and just showed him everything i was doing. I explained to him we did all this when he was a baby too. We went to have pictures made of my belly and he just laughed and hugged my tummy and says baby sissy i hear you in there. Now he knows what we are naming his sister and he will tel you her name and that she is coming very soon. Also it helped to bring him to my ultrasounds. Once he really saw there WAS a baby in mommys belly he was all gung ho about being a big helper. He helps me cleanand with trash. Picks his own toys up and claimes HE has a baby in his belly too LOL. I havent had her yet but from what i see with his attitude he will be fine. But i started with him like this as soon as i found out i concieved to give him time to adjut to not being the lil baby anymore. The only jealousy issue i have had so far is he demands to try everything for the baby he can possibly do. He rocks her swing, climbs into the crib and looks at the mobile and toys. Things like that. But hasnt been destructive or bad tempered. My advice is start early and include your child in everything even the birth if you can so that your son is able to see his bro/sis first hand and feels included. As long as he knows you love him as much as the new child there shouldnt be any problems. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS!