So, I completely understand that women can multitask much better than men, but I'm starting to think that my husband can't even task, much less mulittask. I know not to expect him to remember anything I say unless listening to me is the only thing he's doing, but this morning takes the cake.
My husband, daughter (2.5 y/o) and I are all sitting in our master bathroom as I'm getting ready for the day. My daughter asks for my water squirt bottle to spray her hair with. I tell her no, because it usually results in a big wet mess, and we need to leave shortly. During this my husband is sitting on the tub, not doing ANYTHING as far as I can tell. My daughter gets upset that I told her no and starts fussing. I tell her that I've already said no and now I'm going to get breakfast if she wants to come, and I leave the room. Not 3 minutes later she walks out with the squirt bottle, that my husband had gotten for her. (Huh?) I asked him what was going on, and he replied "you didn't hear her, she just wanted the squirt bottle". What? what? what? I explained to him that I told her "no" and that he was sitting right there. He had no recollection at all of me talking with our daughter about the squirt bottle.
What is a wife to do? I'm thinking a shock collar may be the only solution. :) Does anyone else have a husband who has taken his inability to multitask to an extreme? It's humorous most of the time, though frustrating too.
I think we are married to the same man! I just dont get how he can multitask at work like there is no tomorrow. But at home he cant even listen, let alone do two things at one time.
I still love him though :-)
Something like this happened with my husband and son once (my son is a bit younger, though). I screamed REALLY loud. Like blood curdling, terrifying scream. I am a quiet person, so it was shocking. He just about peed his pants and thought something terrible had happened. I told him I just wanted to see if he was listening. He listened way better after that :)
Ugh. My SO does this too. ("I didn't know we were out of soap, why didn't you say something?" ~ "I DID! We had a conversation about it yesterday!" ~ "Oh...").. then gets upset at me for not remembering something he told me... So I guess I do it too. lol. Now we just make sure that the other person actually acknowledges that they are listening to what we are saying. I think sometimes people just go into 'auto-drive' sometimes, and don't take in what is going on around them. SO used to get on me quite a lot for not 'remembering' things he talked about in front of me, and didn't think he did it AT ALL because I never called him out on it.. so I started calling him out every time... and we started working on it. lol.
Yep, his body was sitting on the tub but his brain was elsewhere. Thinking about the upcoming Super Bowl, maybe? A silly spray bottle would not be worth listening about, would it, when he has earthshaking events to mull over?
Two and a half is pretty little. Your daughter was not consciously trying to be sneaky, as you know; she was simply operating on the theory that if one parent says no, ask the other. And your husband was "got." So it's time to counter that game with the "united front" game.
Ask him to agree with you on something from now on: when daughter says to him, "Would you get me Mommy's..." he checks with Mommy in person first. When she says to you, "Would you get me Daddy's..." you check with Daddy in person first.
That should be both simple enough and significant enough for a husband to remember! Especially when he considers that it may keep HIS hammer, HIS pliers, and HIS remote safe.
why assume that he was tuned into your conversation? had you actually involved him in the conversation it would have been a different matter.
we're the exact opposite in this house. my husband is efficient and can multi-task like it's nobody's business. i'm the one lost in reveries, and can totally miss an entire conversation going on right next to me if no one is talking directly to me. i live in my own head way too much. and can't multi-task to save my life.
do your dh a favor and be more direct.
:) khairete
S.
My husband thinks he tells me things that I KNOW he hasn't told me (lol) and then gets upset because I'll ask him directly about that thing... and he'll say "I told you that last week". Which i KNOW he didn't. (right?) But I have also noticed that I will tell him things, which the next DAY, he will ask me directly about, and I say "I told you that yesterday" and he gets all defensive "no you didn't!"...
I really think we both are probably wrapped up in something else in our minds sometimes and just don't even hear what the other is saying sometimes.
As for the thing with the child and you telling him "no", however... my husband doesn't do that sort of thing usually. Of course we've had a few more years of practice than you have (ours are 12 and 9)... he usually just tells them to "go ask your mother". LOL. And when I tell the kids something, if they ignore me, (don't hear me? lol)...he'll pipe up in that loud booming "daddy" voice.... "Did you hear your mother?! Get up and get it done."
Just wait til they're teens and you tell them no and he tells them yes. You won't think it's humorous anymore, because you'll be so sick of it!!
LOL!
Dawn
My Hubby also has problems listening. In fact he admitted it all by himself. One day he was sitting in the family room with me, no TV, no music, no kids and no computer. I started talking about something and then I mentioned something about my Highschool. After a few more minutes of my story, he looks at me ans Says " I am sorry. I just zoned you out. I heard the first bit and then I just drfited off into my thoughts. That's terrible" I agreed but appreciated that he caught himself. I know that for my Hubby he just has so much on his mind that he is distracted by his own thoughts. Maybe your Hubby is doing the same thing. But I do agree that men cannot multitask. I can make dinner, field kids demands for food, hold baby and talk on the phone and make sure that my kids don't destroy anything in the process. My Hubby can barely write an email and keep an eye out on the kids. So many times they have been in the kitchen spilling stuff all over while he is just sitting there on the laptop or on the phone. Men.
Unscrew the lid off the squirt bottle and dump it on his head?
Maybe your husband just thinks you are over bearing when it comes to not letting her do some things and he thinks he's more laid back than you and really didn't see the big deal in it. And maybe he was sitting on the tub not doing anything, because he was finished getting ready. It does take women longer to get ready, ya know! :)
so I have no advice for you other than to tell you that you are not alone on this. :-)
Just two days ago, I was trying to get some work done on the computer and was in the kitchen while my husband and daughter were playing Candyland. My daughter was saying something over and over again and I finally heard it - "That damn peanut girl!" Ok, I know she has picked up "Damn" from her dad and I don't allow those kind of words to be used. Anyhow, she kept saying it and saying it and my husband is in la la land, not hearing it. Finally after about the 10th time, I just say to him, "Hello, your daughter is swearing, you are suppose to be participating with her, WAKE UP!" All I get is "What?". Ugh....I ask her what she is saying (which I know) and she says "Nevermind". UGH!
So, you are not alone in this. I wish I could give you help.
My husband's been great about this. At that same age my son would test getting a better answer from one parent or the other. He soon came to learn that Dad would tell him either "Go ask Mommy" or "What did Mommy say?".
Any messes that happened while Dad was in charge Dad was responsible for cleaning up.
Bwahahahaha--just had to laugh. I can relate. I'm trying the shock collar tomorrow!
Just tonight at dinner out--my son dropped a huge gob of dressing right in front of him on the table. Husband get a napkin and...proceeds to wipe....really just smearrrrry, smear, smear...it all over the table.....then sets the napkin down....all done. ?????!!!!
And I'm a control freak for saying "Ummm...can you finish wiping that?" LOL
LOL thanks for the chuckle this morning. I love my husband and he is amazing!
But I was just venting the other day about how i have to constantly remind him of his "chores". Like i asked him to be in charge of our daughter's homework (kindergarten might I add) and he does this for exactly 2 days!!! Then I have remind him to help her!!!! Hello, does anyone have to remind me to do the dishes, cook dinner, bath the kids, etc...please!!!!
LOL
Oh, just thought of another one: my hubby sitting watching football, me in the kitchen (around a corner) hears 3 year old daughter (at daddy's side) saying "daddy....daddy...daddy..." I finally yell from the kitchen, "Hey! Answer her!!!" He turns and looks at me, like what? Haw?
Seriously? He couldn't hear that???
