Seeking Moms Anywhere...

My son is 2 and is exactly the same. He is a perfect angel when I am not around, but as soon as I walk in the room he starts whining and crying over everything and doesn't listen to anyone...ESPECIALLY me. I use time outs and make him sit there for 4 minutes. He really doesn't like that because he is a very active child. He REALLY doesn't like to have to sit on the couch...even if the TV is on. If his feet touch the floor, I tell him his time starts all over again. His feet has only touched the floor once. But I sit right there in front of him so that I can make sure that he is sitting on the couch and as soon as he starts to get up, I am right there to put him back. This is actually working pretty well. He's starting to listen to me a little more. Its taking some time, but eventually it will work. I can see it is starting to work already.

Hi Viriginia-- I'm kind of in the same place as you right now-- I have a 2 1/2 year daughter and one on the way in January. We went through a period of terribleness earlier this summer. What I figured out is that my daughter, and I think most children, respond the best to positive reinforcement. I made charts for everything. I used stickers and stamps. For example, I told her that if she didn't cry, whine, throw a fit, get out of bed, etc... at bedtime, then in the morning she could put a stamp on her bedtime chart. There was another chart that was used for going potty in public places-- a favorite of my daughters to throw a fit--nightmare for me. If she went to the bathroom nicely and without screaming at me to sit on the floor, etc... then she would get to put a sticker on that chart. If it's something that isn't necessarily in need of a chart, you could offer something desirable before whatever you want her to do. If your daughter really wants to read, and you want her to put her blocks away, you can say, I will read to you after you put your blocks away. If she won't put the blocks away, then you need to change your tactic-- Say, "Do you want me to put your blocks away? If I put them away, I'm going to put them away where you can't play with them for awhile, and I won't read to you." If you do that, give her one chance, then start putting them away on a shelf she can't reach. I promise, it won't take too much of this before she starts running to put her blocks away before you can!!! Plus, she'll want you to read to her. Give her chances to earn them back. If she is very upset, tell her that if she will put her dolls away, then she can have her blocks back and you will read her a book. Explain that you wish she would have done what you wanted the first time, but from now on if she doesn't do what she wants when you ask, she will start losing her toys. I know this part isn't exactly positive reinforcment, but it is, because if she does what you want, then she does get the positive reinforcement.
Oh- and the other thing about the charts-- you don't have to offer a prize. It was exciting enough for my daughter to get to put the stamp or sticker on her chart that I didn't have to give her any reward. Once they get older I bet that won't work so easily. And with the stamps, I'd usually let her put several on because she enjoyed it so much, and it really didn't matter how many she put on, just that she was happy with her reward! Good luck!

My youngest turns 3 this month. Her newest thing is throwing herself on the ground and screaming. I walk away as I'm saying, "Wow that's too bad." She's done it twice and received no other attention from it. One time was on the gym floor of the Y. The wokers thougth I was craxy, but it took about 30 seconds and she got up and came to where she was supposed to be.

I also totally agree with getting your husband on board. If my kids are stressing me out, disobeying or being mouthy, he'll say, "It is not OK to treat my wife that way." There's a lot of power in this statement for lots of reasons, but it works. Also, if I ask them, tell them, or eventually scream at them to do something, and he's downstairs (working) he'll come up and intervene on my behalf. If one of us feels the other didn't handle the situation right, we discuss it AWAY from the kids.

Finally, continue to be consistant. If you put her in time out, and she gets up, put her back. You're the mom.

Oh, another thing that works with mine - "Say, 'ok Mom'" Like, I'll say, "We don't smear peanutbutter on the chair." My child looks at me blankly with a hand full of peanutbutter. I say, "Say, 'OK Mom'." My child says, "OK, Mom, I need a napkin." I'm not sure why this works, but there's something in them saying it that they are commited to doing it. Now, sometimes mine won't say OK Mom, so I have to get a little louder and move a little closer and say, "SAY OK, MOM." Sometimes it requires a hands on approach, getting down on their level - eye to eye, gently taking their arms so they're facing me, and I say, "Say OK, Mom." And there it is, "OK, Mom." And at 2 they get it, they understand that they've just agreed.

I hope some of this helped. I think the key is to find what works for you and your daughter.

Been there done that with both older and younger children.
The key is to have RULES, CONSISTANCY and FOLLOW THROUGH, and it does take time.

It is your job to teach your children that you are the authority figure and that what rules you have set in place are to be followed. Most parents that run into these problems is due to either not having rules in place, or they inconsistancy enforce the rules that are in place. If you have rules in place and consitantly enforce those rules over time, the children will learn and eventually follow them. CONSISTANCY is key!

You can also check with your local library for books on the topic. There is some SuperNanny and Nanny 9-1-1 TV shows and books out there on the topic too that can help as well.

Good Luck!

Our three year old didn't hit the terrible two's, just the terrible three's. This is what I started doing, and after doing it consistantly, it's worked fabulously. I ask her to do (A). She refuses, I say, if you don't do it by yourself, I will help you. I count to three and if she hasn't done it, then I take her by the hand and help her. If she does it by herself, I say "good listening". It sounds weird, but at that age, they want to be so independant and after a few times of you actually doing it for her, she'll realize she's going to end up doing it either way, it's just more fun if she does it on her own. I hope this helps!

My daughter isn't two yet but has tested me many, many times. I think the best thing for me was being consistent and swats. The first time she'd do something I'd get on her level, look her in the eyes and tell her, "Emme, please don't do that." The second time I'd give her a warning and says, "Emme, Mommy said 'no'. If you do that one more time you WILL get a swat." Again, looking her in the eyes. If she did it a third time, I grab the wooden spoon (use something other than your hands, hands are for loving) get on her level and explain very simply that she disobeyed and she had to get one swat. It took about a week but now I just have to say, "Emme, do you need a swat?" and she knocks it right off! :) Haha! And by no means do I swat her hard, just enough to get her attention and know that Mom means business. Your little one is just testing to you see if you're serious or not. Don't give in! You're doing great! Everyone goes through this at one time or another!

(I give her three times to stop what she's doing. I think at this age they just simply forget so anything less than three isn't fair...to me. Do whatever you think is best! The older she gets and the more she understands and remembers, the less warnings.)

V.,I know what your going through I'm going through the same thing too except mine are older than yours.Mine will throw fits and when I disipline them I get told I don't want to and ect.When my husband is home they won't throw their attitudes with him.All I can say is stay persistant with her and don't give in.I don't know if this will help any.Good Luck

J.

V.,
Wow!! I thought mine was the only one who did this. My daughter is about to turn 2 in September and has started the terrible twos as well. She really knows how to push my buttons...as well as her dads. Here is what I can offer you. My husband and I sat down one night and I explained to him that if we don't work together as a team then she will continue to play us against each other. Last night was a perfect example...I was in the kitchen making dinner and my husband was talking with me about how his day went. Emma wanted to be in the kitchen with us but was right under my feet as we know kids can be. So I asked her nicely to please leave the kitchen and she said no and grabbed her dads leg. Of course he said nothing to her. At first I didn't say anything either but noted in my head that he didn't say anything. When I had to ask her a second time to please leave the kitchen because she was in my way again...she said no and grabbed her dads leg again. Obvious that she wanted to be with her dad I asked him to take her in the other room to play with her...since he had been gone all day at work. So he sat her in front of the tv and came back in the kitchen. When she got in the way yet again I got on her level and said "Emma, mommy is trying to make dinner and you are in my way, can you please go play in the other room or you can sit on your bed for a minute for not listening to mommy". As usual she literally threw herself on the ground..hitting her head on the floor and screaming because it hurt. I of course didn't react because that was exactly what she wanted...but her dad on the other hand, picked her up to comfort her and stood in the kitchen to finish our conversation. After she stopped crying I asked him to go to our room so we could discuss what had just happened. I told him when he picked her up she got exactly what she wanted...attention. Then she not only got the attention but she didn't get punished for #1 not listening to mommy and #2 throwing a tantrum.
So here is what I am getting at. If you and your husband work as a team she will learn that both of you mean business and maybe she'll start listening to both of you. One thing I also do with my daughter...which has helped to improve behavior is "good star, no-no star" When she does something good she gets a good star and when she does something bad she gets a no-no star. She has to get 10 good stars before she gets 5 no-no stars and she gets a special treat. BUT!!! If she reaches 5 no-no stars first, then she doesn't get the special treat and she loses a toy or movie for a whole day. Right now her favorite movie is the doodlebops so if she gets 5 no-no stars she can't watch doodlebops for a whole day...it is tough for her.
That may be something you might think about. I wish you luck and let me know if you find anything that works!