Hi K.:
You've recieved alot of responses to your plight here. Some which may be of benifit,and of course those,whos first reaction is outrage.Thats understandable but I think we can all agree, that parenting,takes time, work,and an abundance of patience.Your coming here for advice, would tell me, that your a compassionate,level headed mother,who is aware there is a problem,but needs some tips on how to resolve the issue.Therefore,I'm not going to be opinionated,and tell you,what your obviously already aware of.Your instincts are correct,and you are going to have to be the one to step up to the plate,and resolve the situation. Your son looks to you,for guidance,and protection,and you don't want to let him down.I have witnessed first hand,what damage screaming and yelling at a child can do.The child developes a fear of that adult,and soon learns to (tune them out) in order to minimize those fears.They have problems keeping playmates,as they learn screaming or intimidating,will provide the upper hand.Latter, when they attend school,they have problems listening to instruction,as they've conditioned theirselves to tuning out (adult authority.)Your sons hearing is perfect.Its a proven fact,that if you speak softly to a child,they will strain their ear to hear what you have to say.This is because they are afraid they will miss something.You can try this yourself. Take him in a quiet enviroment,and say something he can repeat,in a soft voice.He will hear you.You need to have a talk with your husband. A calm,non-confrontational talk.Don't begin with (YOU) do this or YOU can't do that.You don't want to back him up against the wall,and make him feel he has no alternative but to defend himself.Begin with "WE" We need to talk...We need to resolve this. 'It hurts me,when you lose your patience and scream at our son. Make it about you both.Even if it is him doing the yelling,let him know, that your going to work together to resolve things. (Do you resent watching him while i cook? If thats the problem,then find an alternative.Understand, that this only aleviates part of the issue. Your husband,still needs to practice patience,and learn how to communicate,and interact with his toddler.It may be helpful, to play with your toddler together more often,so your husband may learn,what to do with his frustration. He needs to learn,when to let things slide,and not make an issue of them.He doesn't have to prove to anyone, what an iron fist he holds.He doesn't have to lock horns, or appear as this towering figure, over your son. Imagine,being that tiny,and witnessing this giant,whos veins are popping out of his red forehead,and all that came out of his mouth were screams, on a regular basis.Yipes! You are both there for your son,to simply nurture,love and teach.I wish you ,your husband and toddler the very best.