Yep/ Yep, I do.
I then retreat back into my head and calm the F'' down. Then I apologize for speaking and treating my husband and kids that way.
I have PTSD and a Social Anxiety disorder that can become incredibly severe at times. I am newly medicated for it within the last three months. This has made a world of difference for me. First time ever I have felt 200% ok with needing to have my medication to help maintain a calmer me.
I hate hearing a nasty tongued mother or father screaming at their child(ren). No child should be treated that way. If they are that nasty in public, imagine the home life.
I think there is a big difference that should be brought to attention.
I stern raised voice to grab attention is one thing. A yell, scream or swear words and other nasties is totally different.
A stern voice is a means to discipline verbally to some degree. Not to break the childs mental/emotional security of being loved and accepted.
Sadly my patience, tolerance for annoying stuff and ability to ignore are determined by my daily pain levels(fibro, chronic herniated discs and permanently broken tailbone flipped the wrong way....this and the mental health issues I face are all related to 2010 accident).
There is never a good enough excuse for my feelings and behaviors.
I live day to day hoping I do nothing to trigger what I call my ''rage'' moments. Which are me at my worst.
Some day I hope to be able to say I am no longer affected by those things, in those abusive ways. My husband and I go to counseling to make sure that while I am still finding my way with all this he does not start resenting me for the things I say sometimes. I get trapped in my brain. I get scared and retreat inward.
We have a plan of attack when my rages become suicidal as they can from time to time.
We have a do not respond when I get nasty to my husband for whatever reason. Which is do not respond or feed the meanie.
My kids know when mommy is having a trouble day that they need to just hang out away from me and if they need anything they go to dad until I have worked through whatever it was I was working through.
I also can get acute panic attacks that can momentarily freeze me up and freak me out. I become very emotional. Which can sometimes freak the kids out. They are learning how they can help calm mommy down when those moments happen.
I hate that I have to live with these conditions. I am forever researching and trying new ways to coupe and live without any side effects of them!