Screaming - Columbus, OH

Hi P.. You might want to buy stock in Tylenol lol I would speak in a whisper to him, he might stop in order to hear you speak. Also, at his age I would put him in his room where he is safe with a baby gate in the door, calmly tell him he has to scream in his room, and then go where you can't hear, like outside. I would shut the door hard enough on my out so that he hears it shut. Sneak back in so he doesn't hear, elsewise he might start screaming again. I used the door trick with my now 2 yo at bedtime. As soon as the door slammed shut, she quit screaming. However, it took a few weeks of sitting outside for 10-15 min for her to learn that if she was gonna scream, I wasn't going to hear her. I hope that helps.

If/when it's appropriate and/or you want him to have whatever...he gets it ONLY when he doesn't scream. Keep telling him to ask nicely and THEN and only then will he get it, NOT yelling. IGNORE the yelling as much as you can. Acknowledge it when he asks nicely and thank him for using his manners. I did this with Abbie about that same age. WORKS! They also develop a sense of pride when they know they've "done a good thing" AND get in the habit of using good manners.

My 15 month old is doing the same thing! I think it's the fact that he can't speak, so he's screaming and grunting for everything! A friend of mine told me about baby sign language, she said her 14 month old caught on very fast and he can now let her know when he wants "more" or "eat", etc... Check your local library, mine is starting a baby sign class in a few weeks.

Ah, I remember that stage well. With my daughter, when we played outside, I would encourage her to use her screaming voice. Then when we were inside, we could contrast that screaming voices are for outside and talking voices are for inside. Rather than using "no", try using positive language--use your talking voice or use your quiet voice, screaming is for outside and always model by talking in a quiet voice yourself. They're going to hear "no" so much during their young lives, so why use it when something positive will work.

We can't expect them not to scream. We just have to give them an appropriate place to do it.

Laura

Ok, I'm going to add more. I read the rest of the responses and quite a few people think time outs (and slapping!) are appropriate. For this age, I whole-heartedly disagree.

Your toddler is screaming because he can't communicate his frustration that he is not getting what he wants. I would get down on his level, and quietly say "I hear you and you're really frustrated...you are really wanting that marker...let's find a crayon and paper for "name" (basically, acknowledge his feelings and re-direct his attention). If he continues screaming, you can say "owie, that hurts mommie;s ears...screaming is for outside" and as he gets more word, you can say "use your talking". Granted, this scenario make happen a hundred times before he gets the idea, but eventually he will learn that screaming will not get him what he wants and that it's much more fun to talk with people. Also, this stage will pass as his vocabulary gets better. And then, he turns 2! LOL

Anyway, there were so many comments of consequences that have nothing to do the the behavior--time-out, slapping, I just had to put in my two sense. Natural consequences are so much more effective in the long run, and they develop an inner sense of what is right.

Whatever you do, don't give in. Chances are he's just screaming because he wants his way. 16 months is definately old enough for discipline. You can tell him that he needs to lower his voice or he will go in time out. If he does it again, put him in time out and IGNORE HIM until he stops screaming. After the screaming has stopped, go up to him tell him that you put him in time out cause he was screaming and each time he screams, he will go in time out again. The more you acknowledge the behavior, negatively or positively, the more he will do it. He knows that if he wants your attention, all he has to do is scream. It's not easy to tune out the high pitched shrieking of a toddler, but if you don't he will just continue to scream.

My just turned 18mo old boy has gone so far as to lay down punching and kicking while screaming as loud as possible because he didn't like the shirt I put on him. He has had a fit over markers, knives............ I have no answer, but I am doing it to. I try ignore the fits as much as I can, as attention only fuels them more. I repeat no several times and stay as calm as I can.

My son is 19 months and has occasionally gone through this. It is not fun!! What I discovered with him was that it was attention with frustration at being told no. When we quit responding to it, the frequency decreased drastically. He still occasionally has moments, learning more words has also helped him, which of course just takes time. Good luck, and peaceful home!

he is old enough to be diciplined. Time out for a minute worked with my son at that age. I would also put him in his room (he was already in a toddler bed) and told him he had to stay in there until he could stop yelling like that. Not giving in under any circumstance to the screaming will adventually stop it. I find ignoring it completely the hardest thing to do, but my son's father has a 2 year old and he can ignore things he does until he does it "nicely"...it works. Ignoring by being close by so you know he's safe, but not having him see you look at him or speak to him.
BEST OF LUCK!!!

my daughter was born Nov. 14, 2006, and she loves to scream too - as well as her older sister, who's 3 years older than she.

THey know when they come out of the bath, they can have a few minutes "scream time", and they really think it's hysterical.

Some of it is she's "testing out her lungs", some of it's testing boundaries, or even trying to get attention. Sometimes, I'll make a little "aaahhh" back to her, and try to see how soft I can get. Again, she thinks it's hysterical - but it tones down the screaming.

Good luck!

yes, we went through that. designate a screaming place. his room, the bathroom, whereever. that's where he goes when he screams. make it far enough away from you that you keep your sanity ;)

also, teach some sign language if he's not talking yet. signs like more or please or milk are really helpful.

I know they call them the terrible two's, but it starts earlier than that. Firmly tell him no(yes, he's old enough to start learning discipline on his level), put the sharpie out of reach and try to redirect his attention to something he can have. If he still pitches a fit, make sure he's safe and walk out of the room. Or, if it would help your nerves, put a gate on his bedroom door and place him in there to have his tantrum. When he's screaming because he can't tell you what he wants and it's something he can have, you might try teaching him sign language. Very simple words for eat, drink, toy, etc. should give him enough vocabulary that you know what he wants. Then when you give it to him say the word so he'll learn to use his words. Good luck from someone who's been there.

C.

Hello, I'm a mother of four and a grandmother of six. I don't believe he is do young to understand discipline. Do you tend to give in to him when he screams? If so, then he knows your trigger. Try getting his attention with something else, but only give it to him when he stops screaming. If he realizes screaming won't get him anywhere, he will eventually stop. Good Luck

Hi P., get ear plugs that still allow you to hear...just to take the edge off...and then ignore him when he screams. If you give in it will only get worse. When he's old enough, you can explain before he starts a screaming fit that you will ignore him when he does that and tell him what the appropriate behavior would be. You might even try it now, but don't give in. He'll get tired and give up the behavior in a few days. N. L.

I don't know if this was mentioned but I'd suggest you take your little one to the doc to have his hearing tested. Don't worry, I'm sure he fine! But it is a good idea to rule that possibility out. Good friend of mine had this very same challenge, assumed it was just a behavior issue. Turns out he was extremely hearing-impaired. He now has hearing aids and can hear a certain range of sounds with them...but my friend is upset at herself for not catching his hearing impairment earlier. She couldn't believe she didn't catch it.

Most likely it is just an attention seeking thing, tho. I used to tell my boys, "My ears are funny, I can't understand you when you are screaming. If you need something, please use your normal voice." Then I'd ignore the screaming...made for some very loud sessions at first! And only calmly light-heartedly say, gosh, I can't understand that kind of talk! Please talk normally, then I can help you. Have to be REAL consistant! GL to ya!!

P.,
What do you do when he screams like that? If you think he is doing it to get your attention or to let you know he wants something, do you give it to him? If so, you may be encouraging his screaming...he knows that is how to get something he wants. I do think he is old enough to discipline. Maybe start with a warning reminding him to use his inside voice (assuming you explain the difference). If he does it again put him in time out for a short period of time (couple minutes). Place him right back in there whenever he screams again. Just make sure he understands why he is in time out.
Also, try whispering to him. He will have to get quite to hear what you are saying. It may take a minute for him to realize you are talking to him if he cannot hear you over the screams but he will quiet down.

My son did that from an early age. I kept insisting something was wrong and no one would listen to me. It wasn't until age 3 I found out about vaccine damage and my sons (twins) had autism. It is NOT your fault, whatever this is!!! My homeopath (and I am studying to be one now too) keeps telling me all will be OK, and you know, it is; although that may not console you now.

Have you tried making sure he is safe and then walking away? That helped so much with my boys. Not that it changed them much, but it saved my sanity. Good luck and e-mail me privately if I can be of anymore help.

Maybe some sort of tummy issue! Try putting your baby on babies magic tea. It was a great help for my screaming child.

My youngst son had frequent temper tantrums from about your son's age until he was alost 4. We tried many things, but what worked best was to ignore him when he was making a scene. To give attention to a child when they are acting poorly is getting them the attention they desire.

My suggestion: Ask your son to stop screaming. If he wants to continue screaming he must go into his room and you will shut his door untill he's done screaming. Without anyone to look at him or react to him, I think that he will stop that behavior quickly. If you are consistant with seperating him from others around him, issolating him until he is behaving as you desire (no screaming), it should not continue. Of course, make sure that his needs are met before issolating him. Godd luck!

Carol

i agree with Kathy, Discipline and ignoring. If you give in even once you teach him that screaming is the way to get what you want.

my son started throwing temper tantrums when he was about 2. I wanted to laugh because it was completely insane what he was screaming over. I didn't, I kept my composure and calmly told him that he had to go to his room if he was going to keep screaming and that he could come out when he was done. Sometimes I would have to pick him up and take him, then I would just sit in the living room quietly, or turn on some music and when he was wearing down I would go in and ask if he was done. He would say yes and then come out and be fine.
This does not work quiet as well for my daughter, but I do the same thing. She will scream for longer, but I think you have to ignore them. Make sure they are not hurting themselves, and then when they are calm you talk to them about why they can't throw fits like that. I also always made sure that they never got what they wanted when they were throwing the fit, that way the next time they throw one I can ask them if that has ever worked for them. They think and realize that it doesn't.
It is a very frustrating situation, I would maybe put the markers out of sight. That way you don't have to deal with that one again.
Good luck.

Ahhhh we also had a screamer or actually a screecher! He didn't do it because he was angry though, I think he just liked the sound it made. Anyway, when he would start with the screeching we would scoop him up and put him in his crib every single time he did it, it wasn't long before he got the message that mom and dad valued their hearing!;0)

Do your best to NOT give in.

He is just trying to be assertive himself. Although this means temper tantrums.
I have a now 2 yr. old daughter who is most of the time sweet as can be, but she can throw royal hissy fits too.
If I am in a place to let her, she will scream for about 15-20 min. then she will give up.

my grandmother used to run a daycare & she said she used to have a couple babies like that, & she doesn't believe in spanking other people's children. she said she would get her face about a foot & ahalf away from the babie's a give a quick puff towards their mouth. she said it got their attention and then she would sternly tell them no afterwards. she said it took a couple times but they would stop the screaming fits. when i had my kids they didn't get into that, but my bestfriend's kid did & she tried it & said she was going to save so much money because she didn't have to pop tylenol all day just to function..lol. good luck & God bless.

Hi P.! Now that's a headache waiting to happen! I'm sorry to hear of the screaming. I would probably try and distract him as quickly as possible, then maybe try using a chart of some sort. If he doesn't scream for the hour, he gets a sticker. When he gets a certain amount of stickers, you can take him for a treat of some sort (ice cream, McDonald's, a trip to the dollar store, he can watch a video, something cheap). He should be able to understand some sort of discipline at 16 months. I wish you the best!!

My 13 month-old granddaughter does the same thing and it drives me crazy!
If he is using it for demands, do not give in...like the Sharpie.
When my gd starts, usually because she is mad about something I say "NO SCREAMING!" and sometimes that distracts her.
Actually since we have begun correcting her she seems to be doing it a little less, and she is walking now and beginning to be more interested in playing than in fussing.
It will be interesting to see how she does when she is two and beyond.
Also, the more tense YOU are when this happens, the more likely he will be to continue... so I would really concentrate on being calm and ignoring it, even to the point of putting him somewhere safe until he calms down.
You would be surprised how much toddlers understand and how quickly infants learn to manipulate us.
They also are able to quickly learn not to do such things if we are consistent in our corrections.
Best wishes.

In my opinion, screaming is never unacceptable. Of course kids are going to play loudly at times, but I've never been one to let my kids scream unless they're playing outside and their aren't any neighbors out. When my kids first screamed, I said no screaming and covered their mouth with my hand lightly. Then, after that I would lightly pop them in the mouth. If you don't teach her that screaming brings on consequences, she's not going to stop. It all depends on if you're going to allow it or not as to whether she's going to continue doing it.

I know exactly what you're going through. My son was also born in May of 2007 and he is doing the same thing. It started about a month ago and I'm hoping it will end soon. I agree that he is old enough for mild disipline but what I try to do most of the time is get him to tell me what he wants in a softer voice. I just hold the thing out in front of him (if it's something he can have) and ask him to say please. Usually after a couple of requests, he'll say "please" in a normal voice and then I give him the thing. So far the screaming seems to have lessened a little. Hope this helps you. :)

My son went through that phase and I literally went out and bought ear plugs and ignored him. I ruled out him being hurt or sick or have a hearing issue and realized that it was just his way of trying to get what he wanted bc it had worked until that point.
I would keep an eye on him but just tune him out and resort to the ear plugs for the extended screaming fits :)