Screaming - Portland,OR

Why are you unable to sternly, quickly and forcefully tell him simply to "STOP IT NOW!" ? If that doesn't work, then a quick slap to the butt. Not hard, not to cause pain or a red mark, but enough to startle him to stop the behavior that is inappropriate.

All the love and logic will not help discipline a child if they see no actual consequence for their actions... which time outs and talking to them (especially this young) does not work with most children.

***ADDED after 4 flowers***
My daughter has been spanked on occasion since she was 18 months old. She stills loves me - to the point where I sometimes get frustrated with how many hugs, kisses and "I love yous" I get in a day. My daughter trusts me completely, because when I say something (whether positive or negative) I mean what I say and I follow thru. I keep my promises as well as my discipline expectations.

She is almost 6 y/o now and all I have to do is start counting down from 5 (5,4,3,2,1) by the 3rd warning because she knows then it will end in a spanking for her inappropriate behavior. Needless to say, she tends to behave appropriately and is a very well rounded and well liked child.

I would just continue telling him that is not allowed, to use his inside voice, etc. Eventually he'll stop. My daughter went through this phase too, especially at bed time. I backed up her bed time by 15 minutes, and that helped immensely. She wasn't as tired, so she didn't scream. Eventually she outgrew that phase and got old enough to understand when we said no screaming. For my daughter, the screaming happened most when she was either overstimulated or over tired, hence moving bed time earlier.

We do not believe in spanking or hitting, so I disagree with that advice you got. I don't think that will help; it will only teach your son to be fearful of you and not to trust you because you will be hurting him physically, neither of which you want.

Hang in there; eventually it will stop.

I am wondering how long you've tried your various attempts to stop the behavior - "ignoring it, taking things away, telling him it hurts our ears, etc." Perhaps you are not sticking with a consequence long enough. For example, if you take things away, it might not stop the behavior immediately, but it will work eventually.

I disagree with those who say you should hit your child. Hitting might get him to be quiet, but at great cost to his feelings of safety, trust, and love. The end results would be worse than having to listen to some screaming!

Good luck!

OK, I know you said love and logic positive parenting so ignore this: Give him warning not to scream and a pop on the butt if he doesn't stop. He'll still love you.....All my mine top screaming if I tell them to and it's seriously nice perk at the library etc....and they still love me. You don't have to enable him to scream whenever he wants "if he must" because sometimes kids can't scream and that's OK! We use a little firm discipline when needed so the other 98% of our time can be spent positive parenting.

We just told DS that it hurt our ears and he needed to scream by himself. Since he hated to be away from the action, he pretty much always stopped. At bedtime, I would probably explain to him that there is no screaming at bedtime - to get ready for sleep our bodies need quiet. And that you don't want to be there when there is screaming. I would let him know that if he screams at bedtime, he will use up storytime and there will only be time left to be tucked in. You can also ask him why he screams. Maybe he has a reason that needs to be addressed.

I am confused about your statement about discipline. From what I know of love and logic it is completely antithetical to positive discipline (which I do try to follow). Time outs, punishment, praise and consequences (other than natural ones such as falling because of gravity) are NOT part of positive discipline. Time ins, setting a child up for success and setting up boundaries that are safe and respect the child and parent are. If you are interested in learning more about positive discipline, there is a great Yahoo group.

Generally, if any type of discipline is going to work, you should start to see some results within a week of absolute consistency. If you're not seeing results within a week, try something else.

If no disciplinary techniques seem to be working, consider the possibility of an auditory problem. Get his hearing checked, and read up on auditory processing disorder.

For great time-in/time-out advice, that practices positive discipline, read "Mini-Methods or Madness." You can find it on Amazon and it's a really quick read.

It really works and is simple to implement. And in the meantime, until you have a chance to read it yourself, over-praise the positive behavior and ignore the bad.

At three years old he's perfectly old enough to understand some reasoning here. "We don't scream inside the house. Screaming hurts people's ears and it's not polite." "But my sister screams!" "Your sister hasn't learned that it's not polite yet or that it hurts people's ears. Maybe you can help us teach her."

Then if he continues, and he will, you can initiate consequences. Some consequences may be natural, such as a sore throat, but love and logic don't exclude disciplining your child. You can offer him choices for his behavior. He can stop the unwanted behavior and move on to something that everyone will enjoy including thanks for obeying, or he can continue with the unwanted behavior and have some discipline consequences such as losing a privilege such as losing a story at bed time (if he screams before bed).

"Hold your screams until tomorrow and you can go outside and scream all you want."

When I was a foster parent I took parenting classes. One was taught by one of the founders of Love and Logic. I think he's the one who suggested TOTALLY ignoring behavior that you want to extinguish as one of the ways to try. Once, the child learns that he'll get no attention while doing it, he stops.

Very difficult to ignore screaming, especially when it wakes up another child. But I'd try it.

I'm definitely against spanking and hitting for discipline but I could see a quick light slap on the very well protected bottom as being helpful because it would be a total surprise, never used before. It's intent is not to hurt the child but to surprise him so that he stops in surprise. An unemotional pop to the bottom every once in awhile is not demeaning or painful.

Does he have enough words in his vocabulary? It can be related to a paucity of words he can use. In which case teach him three new words every day and what they mean.
Start singing with him all kinds of songs that may also channel his screaming into a creative vocal format.

Read the Five Love Languages of Children book.

What exactly does your daughter get when she screams. Most likely that is what your son is/was after. I say was because chances are your reaction after the first few times has changed the carrot.