Scared of the Parent Group...

Speak with the Director of the school and get a list of events, meetings, etc-and a map of the campus so you'll be able to participate. In many private schools-for every child paying full tuition-there are a few getting financial aid-not everyone is pretentious-you'll meet some nice gals who are probably just as nervous as you are! Good luck and stay sweet! No person worth anything would begrudge a mother working and wanting the best possible education for her child!

good grief! Relax! You're making life so much harder than it needs to be!
Quit assuming the worst!

I'm seeing lots of excuses, lots of self-doubt, & a total lack of confidence!

Why? Life is life....get a schedule of upcoming events, complete with directions. Go straight to the director for this info.

Smile & say "hi" yourself. Encourage others to respond to you. Or conversely, please accept that drop off/pick up time is the most harried times of the day for all of us! Sometimes common courtesy flies out the window....when faced with being docked pay!

& why is being a working mom so bad? Get over it! Peace.....

Awww!
I can understand why the nerves. Maybe some are like that, but, it also means that the parents that wrote the reviews were not, right?
So seek for those.
My daughter went for 3 years to privet school since the public school in the area we were living was not good.
Many snotty moms, to top it all we were living with my MIL.
Useless say it was kind of sad for us that my daughter didn't felt like inviting friends over (we were sleeping in the living room), then this mom came along, she was original from Cuba, the coolest mom ever, with that honesty and forward actitud (a little bad mouth too, lol) she could care less, and so did her daughter, whom came to visit many times.
Is always a butter for our toast (if that translate it right?) perhaps is a mom right now trap in there with the snotty moms waiting for a cool mom like you!

Oh, Erika, please take a deep breath. Remember that those who post online reviews often are posting because they're angry about something; unfortunately, folks often rush to post in order to blow off steam about a perceived slight, when they don't rush to post about something positive. There could be just as many or more happy parents at this preschool, but they just don't do things like post to online reviews.....

And as others note, the parents really aren't thinking about you. They don't even know who you are (yet). You are not on their radar. Unless there was some attendance list or roster of parents expected to attend this meeting you missed -- no one knows you intended to be there, so you weren't missed, so....they aren't brooding over how awful you were not to be there.

There will be other fundraisers. So sign up for those -- but not all of them, every time, because preschool is when parents learn how to say "No" to things or else they end up swamped. There will be other meetings. Go to some of them,, but not all of them. Same reason: Participate fully but don't become the "yes to everything" parent.

There seems to be a lot going on here: You work and seem to feel as if they'll brand you for that. You want friends for your kids and seem to fear that parents will hold you against your own kid and not let their kids be friendly with yours. I have to assume this is your first child in preschool. It's a lot of fun and it's important for socialization, but it's only preschool. When you hit elementary school you will have the same issues with how much you can participate as a parent, whether and for what to volunteer, etc. So now is a good time to learn to step back, pick and choose your participation, and focus on your kid's individual experience more than on the overall picture of parents' opinions, other kids' actions (which you cannot control), etc. You and your child will be fine. Best of all, since this is preschool and not regular school, if this place does turn out to be a poor fit, you can move your child, which doesn't happen in public elementary school.

So take it day by day and focus on your own child and his experience there, more than on your relations with the parents. You may find good friends among these parents or you may not and may never see them again. Either option is just fine!

You are worrying way too much.
Your research included online reviews that said the parents were clickish, snotty, and judge moms who work? Why did you send your child there?

Look....relax. You are setting yourself up for judgement before even getting to know anyone.
Get to know these people.
A) They might not be half as bad as they were "rated"
B) They might really like you and your child

Give yourself a chance and just do the best you can.
Not every parent can be present for every single thing. That doesn't make you unlikeable. And it has no bearing on your child.

You are a mother. You have the right to participate where and when you can and you have a right to bow out if it's too much. We all have to make such choices.

Don't look for the worst. Look for the best. Look for a positive experience.
You might be surprised.

Best wishes.

Erika, those parents wouldn't even remember that you didn't go. Or even notice you weren't there!

Sorry, honey, this is all self-imposed, worrying about the meeting, thinking you are being singled out because you work...

The best thing you can do is not worry about it. Go to a meeting, or not. Preschool PTA is not a big deal. If you want to know how you can volunteer, call the head of the PTA and tell her, UNAPOLOGETICALLY, that you could not make the meeting, but would like to know if there is something you can do at home, since you work during the day.

Don't stress about this. Honestly, they might not have even realized you weren't at the meeting anyway. Just be your confident, friendly self, and they will either be glad for the help, or they will tell you that they are covered.

Dawn

Ok question here. How do you know they are annoyed that you didn't go to the meeting and didn't help with the fundraiser? Did someone call you? say something too you? How do you know these things? It sounds to me like your stressed about being a working mom and not able to do it all. Not everyone can do it all. You need to figure out what you can do and do it and let the rest go. You are projecting your feelings without giving these people a chance. If school just started last week then you really haven't been there long enough to have a group. Give yourself room to breath. Be friendly and let it go. Your not ridiculous but your going to give yourself an ulcer and make your kid have issues that you are creating. just breath. he is in preschool.

Umm, it's just preschool. It's very likely that this is the only time he will be with these kids and you will be around these parents. Soon enough he will be in kindergarten, and elementary school, and so on, and it will be a totally different group of kids from different families. Nobody has even established who is "cool" yet and even if they did, who are they to make that determination?

There is a book called "You Are Mine" by Max Lucado that is written for kids preschool age and up. It is Christian-based, but you don't need to be Christian, or even particularly religious, to appreciate it's message. I would suggest you check it out, and then maybe what others think won't matter so much to you. I learned to stop caring about other's opinions of me and my choices a long time ago - though it is still a work in progress. ;)

Hold your head high and go in positive. So what if they don't like you? Is the school a good place for your son? Don't stress. They live their lives and you live yours. If they are that petty, you don't want to be friends with them anyway. It's a business arrangement. Even if everybody is SAH, there are still those you don't want to hang out with.

If you couldn't find out about the meeting, track down the teacher or someone else who can provide you further info. Don't go in tail tucked down. Just say, "How is information, like about the fundraiser meeting, distributed and how do I get on that list?" You're new. There will be growing pains. You are NOT superawful and you need to stop projecting.

If your son befriends someone's kid and you don't like the parents, don't hold that against either kid. Kids are pretty resilient and they can have friendships independent of their parents.

I like to do worst case scenarios:

Worst Case: YOU don't make friends. But your son will.

Okay. That's not the end of the world, now is it?

It gets better. It just takes a while to get to know people. The first few months of preschool I was getting to know the routine and people just like my son. By the second year the other parents seemed friendlier (having seen them at drop off and pick up, school trips, etc). I haven't gotten to be close friends with the other parents but I recognize and say hello to most of them. Start out small and pick one other parent to talk to for the week. Just say hello and find out which is their child and introduce yourself and your kid if you haven't already. I used this to get to know the other moms that picked up their kids at the same time (my kids went half days but the school has full days too).

Yeah, that's happened to me at my son's school. I won't say all of the parents, because some have been very nice with me, and we get along well. However, a lot of them are of small town mind, and enjoy their small town group. I just decide not to let it bother me. I say hello, smile, and am polite. I do not go out of my way for them to fit in, etc.

You can usually spot those parents who feel the same as you( a mile away at times), and you just go over and introduce yourself.

I also have decided that it is better to approach the teachers , and start a good working relationship with them, then the parents. It works well for me. Especially since my son has an IEP. My son has friends at school, and I know their parents.

Don't overwhelm yourself by looking at all the reviews, etc. That makes it much worse. Go in with a positive attitude, and smile.
You aren't their to please anyone, either. School is for our children, not us. Making sure your children will be comfortable, well educated, and respected is the main goal.

Erica, you have to go into this with a more positive take on things! There might be a woman or two that are not the nicest, but I'm sure everyone else will be great. I worked when my son went to preschool and the stay at home mom's were very nice. Yes, it felt a bit clickish at first but it was just because many of these women knew each other a long time. Over time I got to know everyone and everyone was great. There will be new parents like you and I'm sure you are not the only working parent. I am a SAHM now but when I was working I only thought good things about my SAHM friends. I wanted to work...they wanted to stay home. I never got a vibe off these women that they thought less of me bc I worked. Anyway, I am sure no one thinks you are a horrible mom and there will be plenty of meetings to attend. If you still want to sign up for the fundraiser you can just call someone I am sure and sign up on the phone. Or just wait till the next one.

Go in with a positive outlook and stop caring what they think.
You might get along well together and you might not.
Who cares?
Give it your best shot and if it works - Lovely!
If not - it is SO not the end of the world.
It might be a good thing for you and your child to develop a thicker skin and care a bit less what the parents/other kids think.
Don't be afraid to go your own way - and appreciate others also march to different drums.