SAHM...have All of Your Friendships Changed?

Mine have definitely changed - more based on geography than age/maritalstatus/kids.....my very best friend since grade school lives over 2 hours away, but, we are still best friends, and I know either of us would be there for the other without a question, in a heartbeat, in time of need, but really we only get to spend a significant amount of time together a couple times a year. Like this last week, when we invited her to join us for the weekendat my grandparent's cabin on a lake in WI. When we do manage to get together, we stay up all night talking. We e-mail and IM, and occassionally talk on the phone, but when we get together, it is just like old times. I have a few other friends form Grade/High School that we still get together a few times a year too, and have a card playing party and eat pizza and talk about life.

I had some college friends that were in my wedding, but live 2-3 hours away, and then they drifted away after that, the bond was not strong enough to make the effort after a few years out of school. I tried but it didin't work, I did grieve the loss of those friends, but the season for them was over, and I couldn't be the only one making the effort. If we had lived in the same area, maybe less than 30 minutes or up to 1 hour apart, we might've found it easier to stay active friends, I am friends with them on Facebook, still, and I wish we had an in person connection, as we have history and have kids similar ages, but OH Well.

I have also (not in place of, but in addition to the old friends) found a few new mom-friends in my area, now that my kids are entering preschool and kindergarten, too. We get together some, but it is more about the kids friendships so far, though we get along well too, we are not "super close" yet. I have also made some older mom friends, at Church or through Bible Study or community organizations, some have kids in Jr High or High School and have been there done that and are great examples/resources, and others are even Grandmothers who are handy to have around when my own mom lives over an hour away.

Alot of my friendships where I can vent/talk/relate to other grown ups are online, people on one particular message board that i have belonged to since trying to concieve my first child, and we have had meet ups and play dates a few times with some of the nearby women and their kids a few times too.

Good Luck - making new real friends is kind of like dating, and it is a process!

Jessie

I think it could affect friendships. Its just part of life that things change when something major happens (marriage, birth, death, move, job, etc). Most of my friends got married right out of HS and started having kids. I didn't marry until I was 30. So when my kids were babies, my friends already had tweens and older. It was really hard and I lost most of my friendships because of this. I found friends that were still single in their 20's to hang out with during the time I was single. It was hard to loose some old friends, but its what happens. Now I'm married with a 16 yo step dtr, 12 and 9 yo. And my closest friends are single with no kids, and 10 years younger than me. Go figure! I think it would help you if you join meetup.com (its free) and search mom groups in your zip code. Meet other SAHM's that you can do things with. Its a numbers game. The more you meet, the more likely you will find one or two moms that you hit it off with and will become friends and will have the same things in common as you. Good luck!!!

At this point your friends will be based on proximity, convenience and interest.

You are pretty busy staying on a schedule for your child, so that will be your priority.. Then getting errands done, then entertainment..

This means for you and your child.

For friends that do not have a child the same age, this can be difficult. And so joining a moms group.. maybe a book club, park parents.. Are your best hope.

Also figure out a way to be able to see close friends every 2 weeks or at least once a month.

If you need a sitter, or trade sitting, or allowing your husband to watch his child one evening or part of the day on weekends.. do it.

I was fortunate to live in the same city I grew up in, so many of my friends are still here. I am the only one with a child out of my childhood best friends, so I was the only one that sometimes could not join in some times when our child was young.

We call ourselves the lunch bunch and ,meet once a month for a nice 2 hour lunch..

But there were times with old work friends, we would go to the movies, go shopping, go to a meal.

We also live on a street with a lot of SAHM with children the same age as our children. If one of us was out front with our children, that was a signal, anyone could come and join us..

Friday nights we would meet at one house on their drive way for a happy hour.. This meant bring your own drinks for your child and yourselves.. and bring a snack. These friday nights were always a great way to catch up with the working moms and the working dads.

Once our daughter started all day Kindergarten, I was able to catch up with my childless friends or friends with older children. And BONUS! The parents from our daughters schools! We were all volunteering together, spending time together.. opened up a whole new group of friends.

I am still great friends with lots of those parents and teachers, staff.. even though our daughter just graduated from college!!

Having children gives you the opportunity to meet even more people.. be active in your community, you will find friends.

I actually became closer with my before-baby friends and see the more! Any excuse to get out of the house!

Some of these friends are states away, as is family, but whenever they are in town we see each other.

I've definitely filled the void of distance with new mom-based friendships in my area. Before baby, I didn't really have the opportunity due to work to get to know people in my town but now I do, courtesy of my local moms clubs.

It takes time but new friendships will flourish. Seek and you shall find. Children are great social icebreakers (and breakers.) LOL.

Some older friendships may dissolve as well but that could be true with or without children.

I have found that the majority of my friendships moved along beautifully. I was working nanny jobs in the years before I had my son, so my 'availability' was about the same as it is now. When Kiddo was very young, I made sure his father was able to give him bottles of breastmilk, so I could get out and socialize.

When he was little, I could often bring him along, but during the toddler years, it was a bit harder. We have many friends (even the childless ones) who have just accommodated our little guy into their lives and play with him, enjoy him. I've had two great, strong friendships develop because of our children. I've had one friendship disappear (another woman who wanted to have kids but we were in different times of our lives-- I don't think watching me be in a healthy relationship and having a baby was easy for her) and one friendship go on 'hiatus'--she is older and likes to be the center of attention, and was pretty jealous of Kiddo's presence...we've since 're-bonded', when I helped her after a surgery and could dote on her a bit.

All in all, I think those friendships actually ended up changing for the better. Because we have to really plan to see each other now, those times together are more looked-forward-to and more meaningful.