Sahm Facing Hubbys Deployment

I only have a second...both kids have fevers and are waking up from short fitful naps...I'm in the thick of a deployment...2 months in, 10 to go...
You can do it! As for making $? Beats me, I barely have time to shower! LOL

I agree with the other Mama's that the first deployment is always the hardest. It'll take a little while for you & the kid(s) to get into a routine that works for you, but it'll happen. I never forced the kids to talk to Daddy on the phone, but if they wanted to the option was there. One of the things I did when they were 2 & 4 years old was make a paper chain out of construction paper with one link for each day he would be gone & hung it all around our living room draping it on curtain rods, across the tv, wherever I could. Then I would have the kids take turns ripping off one link a day. That way it was a visual way to help the kids understand how much longer we had to go until Daddy came home.

Year long deployments are hard but you will get through it.
I checked your profile. So I see you have a toddler and live in HI.

Deployments with little ones are easier, (I know, hard to believe), than with older ones. When the kids get to the point that they understand that Daddy is leaving for a dangerous country you will have their emotions too.
Also teens need dad at home. Seriously

YOu have to be ready to make all decisions regarding the baby and bills, the house, cars, his parents, yours.
Things happen during deployments, especially yearlong ones.
On my hubby's many deployments his dad had a stroke, the dog died, my daughter broke her arm, his grandpa had open heart surgery, our son graduated and joined the Navy.
I spent three deployments pregnant.
How does he want to hear devastating news, email , when he calls, Red Cross? I waited until he called when the dog died. When his dad had the stroke his mom and I had constant contact with the chaplain. My poor hubby called every day to ask if I had contacted RC and ask for him to come home. I emailed when Grandpa had surgery after it was all OK. I told him after the arm was set when my daughter broke her arm.

Don't really talk about Daddy coming home until about a month before he is due to return. YOur little one will just get confused. I used to say Daddy will be home after _____ Christmas, Easter, C's birthday, that he had a job to do in ____ wherever he was.

Don't force the little one to talk to Daddy. If she wants to then great but little ones don't understand the phone or SKYPE. My friend's toddler would come over point to Daddy say Dada then run off. He was 15-20 months.

Some of the chaplains have children's books the Dads can read on CD/DVDs for the kids. Postage is free for him so he can send storytime with Daddy home.

Jobs can be had anywhere. I never worked outside the home while he deployed. BUt what about a fitness gym, or the mall, Joann's fabric, Hobby Lobby or the like.
Check with the Army, there may be positions on post you can fill.

This is the first and you will learn just how resourceful you are. You will be ok.

The first deployment is always the scariest, but after awhile it becomes old hat.

First thing I'd suggest is making sure you both have computers with cam and mics. A laptop is great for him. This way you can keep in contact during the long time apart. People may suggest skype, but really the cheapest route (free) is either MSN or Yahoo for video calls. MSN has better quality than yahoo does these days.

Also, deployments are great for taking care of debts due to the extra amounts of money coming in with separation pay, hazardous duty pay, etc. If you don't have many debts, take that extra money and set it aside in a savings account to build interest.

It will be a long year, so make sure you have a good support system like friends and family. It's also a great idea to get in contact with your husband's FRG (Family Readiness Group) which is a good way to keep up with things like troop movement, as well as maintaining a social life. lol

It will be hard. I won't lie about that. But contact and communication is the key. My husband and I play World of Warcraft together when he's gone, it's kind of like a "digital date" so to speak.

You didn't mention what branch of the military, or if you have kids or not. So I can only really give you the bare bones advice. Either way, keep up contact, get a hobby of some kind or a part time job to keep yourself busy, and find a way to be around friends so you don't get to lonely.

Remember, it's just a year, and It'll be over quicker than you can imagine.

Good luck!

Danielle - Army wife of 13 years. 8 deployments. Longest deployment survived, 15 months.

Fist off, know that you guys can do this - thousands of people do it & you are not alone!
I'll second the skype idea - it's free computer to computer so don't worry about cost with that. if you guys can afford for him to have his own laptop, that is the best option since he won't have to wait at the internet "cafe" and only get a little while. I also agree with a previous poster that this is a great time to save $ - you will be feeding less people at home and presumably spending less money on going out/utilities etc... just don't do shopping therapy for yourself! One thing that helped on our last deployment was the "Eagle Cash Card" (we called it the Evil Cash Card as a joke), with that card a set amount of money is placed on it per pay check & that was my husband's spending money over there - all other money was sent to our joint account where I paid bills etc... he did not even take his debit card with him that way we couldn't get our wires crossed about spending money.
Get some support - if you have an FRG get involved with that but I have to put this out there - A LOT of drama can happen at FRG's and it can get pretty nasty so just be careful of anyone wanting to drag you into that.
If you are a believer this would be a great time to really devote yourself to growing in the Lord and seeking out godly mentors. Send fun little packages often - when you are out & see something he may like just grab it - maybe a bag of skittles or some silly action figure he may get a kick out of - you don't have to spend a ton of money but just doing little things will let him know you are thinking of him. Know that it's ok to cry & miss him but try not to go overboard with the hysterics - trust me - neither he nor you need that while he is deployed. Be flexible - when he gets leave the dates may change, don't freak out if it does & roll with the flow. Hmmm...what else...oh yeah, I hate to even bring it up but I've seen it happen sooooo many times - DO NOT put yourself in compromising situations. Guy friends are great & I have a ton; your husband halfway across the world, a guy friend close by & spending lots of time with you is just a setup for disaster. Be wise in who you spend time with, especially alone and realize that your emotions are whacked out sometimes so it's better to be safe. OK - that's all I can think of for now :-)
oh, I'm a vet myself & been through deployments with my husband who is still in. Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions or want to chat.

My girl friends hubby was deployed for 18 months, and they hadn't been on the new base long before he left so she didn't have a lot of time to have made any friends. She used to take her daughter for walks around the neighborhood, until finally, she would bump into other military moms in the same situation, and they leaned on each other. She also got into selling avon or mary kay, just to have a little something to do (she didn't love it, but she made some good money!)... she also threw herself into parenting. She kind of had to, you know, be mom AND dad, but she also made the best of a bad situation and really embraced it. I was really proud of her. There were days when she would be totally bummed out and overwhelmed, but she did it :) She is now starting her own childrens clothing line, so when her hubs is deployed again in May, she's got something to keep her mind busy. You can do it :) It takes a very strong woman to be a military wife, something I'm quite sure I'd never be able to do myself... you're a rare breed, embrace it :)

Here is my take on things. They are a bit old as when my hubby was away we didn't have computer technology just the old phone system.

The first month or so you will feel lost and alone but that is normal. Crying is part of the adjustment. You may feel like it's a mini vacation at first but then you will begin to wonder "What do I do now?" That is the time that you make a routine for you and your daughter to follow for the next 10 months. (Here is where the computers are nice to keep in touch and keep current. Try to be upbeat and don't vent about what is wrong.) About the time that you feel that you are a single person it will be time for hubby to come back and join the family. Once hubby is back it may take a month or two for him to readjust to family life so be prepared for that. Just don't dump everything that has happened to you on him as he walks in the front door take it slowly a bit at a time after the first five days or so to let him know how things went.

Try and meet other wives whose husbands will be with yours and make friends. They will be part of your support group. If you use the daycare center see if you can meet a few moms that way.

As the saying goes whata can go wrong will go wrong, the car will break, the dog will get sick, the roof will leak, the child will get sick or you will get sick, the plumbing will break and you have to deal with it all. There will be no time to call or contact hubby you will have to make the decision then and live with it.

If you can, enroll in a college class or two. Also check out the area around you as to what craft might be missing that you can could fill and make that your spot. If there are any bazzars on post/base try to sell them there or go down town and sell them.

You can do it, I have faith in you. It will be scary at first. Think of this as an adventure in life or a chapter in the book of life that you can write about later on.

The other S., Retire Military Wife

Ahh we are on our second deployment, which we are only on month 4 out of 12 and it already looks like it will become 24.

I see your daughter is only about 8 months old. It will be much easier for her at this age! My daughter will be 5 next month, so she's plenty old enough to miss Daddy & ask for him.

Keep pictures of him around. Talk to her about him. Definitely use Skype if he is able. Daddy Dolls are great too (http://www.daddydolls.com) You can also find books which Dad can record himself reading each page. As you turn the pages, it starts playing the recording for that page.

Make sure you have everything you need to handle bills while he is gone. I was already the one who took care of our bills, so not a change for me lol

Stay busy & take care of your daughter. Staying busy helps the time go by faster for me. Do you have other military wives around? My husband is National Guard, and he's not even deployed with his own unit. Our local military base is also mostly civilian, so I don't have any military wives support.

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Feel free to send me a message if you ever have any questions or just want to chat! You will make it! :)

I don't really know what you are going through, but my husband did travel quite a bit when the kids were young. Don't hesitate to ask for help from family and friends. Not feeling alone helped me in my circumstances.

I have a home business. If you would like a link email me and you can take a peek.

Thank you for YOUR Service. Being the wife of a serviceman is an amazing sacrifice. Thank you so much.

First deployments are always the hardest. I've been through only two, but the second was by far easier than the first (it was like slipping back into an old habit). I found that the first few weeks of my DH's second (my first) deployment were the worst. I went into a mini-depression. Didn't want to to anything, not even cook. I also cried a lot. Then, after a few weeks, I had one last long cry and knew after that I was okay. I've talked to other Seabee wives and they told me the same thing happened to them. After that last cry they knew everything would be okay. As the previous poster said, computers are great. Email as often as possible. I emailed at least a few lines everyday. I also tried not to lay on too many of my problems on my DH -- I felt he was under enough stress with his deployment. I would tell him everything that was going on, but tried not to vent or complain. I didn't want him to worry about me when he had deployment stuff to worry about. Not sure what to say about earnign extra money cuz I was working at the time so didn't have to think about it, but I think it's a greatr idea. The busier you keep yourself the quicker the deployment will go.

Good luck!
A.