SAHF - Stay at Home Fathers :)

My brother stayed home with my niece and nephew when they were little - he loved it. He's kind of a house husband guy (likes to cook and clean) so it suited him well. He's a teacher now, so he stays home with the kids in the summer.

I think he did struggle a little to get included in the park playdates and stuff, but for the most part he felt he "fit in" with the other mom's just fine.

J.

My husband has been a SAHF for our 4 year old son since he was 4 months old. It has been the best arrangement for us. Sure, he and I do things differently. I would be a multitasker, arranging playdates, and some of the things stated by TJ in her response. However, he is so great at having unstructured play. They do have routines for lunch, nap, and other activities, but in between, they just play trains, ride bikes, play legos, etc. My husband gets tired of playing these same old games, but he is incredibly patient.

I would offer two pieces of advice: 1) It can be hard to be a SAHF. People expect men to have more of a contribution than raising kids. When he or I go out, people ask "What do you do?" and he responds he is a stay-at-home dad. Then, they say, "well what else do you do?" We reply it is a full-time job. People don't expect women to be a SAHM and have a job, but they do expect it of men. Luckily my husband does not get his sense of self-worth through an income or a title, so it does not bother him. However, this could bother some men.

2) Both of you should be very clear about your expectations. For example, my husband keeps the house clean (nap time is his time to clean up), but I do laundry and cooking. We talk often about how things are working and how things can be better. If I need him to do something, like start dinner, then I need to tell him and not expect it. If I prefer something to be cleaned differently, then I need to ask him about it or be willing to do it myself. If you think the kids need more playdates, then talk about it together. Appreciate what he does and that he will do things differently than you would. That may not be a bad thing...just different. If you expect something else, then talk about it.

Having my husband be a SAHF has been so great for our son. It is not always easy (neither is being a SAHM), but it works for us. Part of our success is that my husband chose to do this because he knew it would be best for our son.

My hubby was a SAHD for almost 2 years. Same situation as Adansmomma, I was the bread winner. He took well to it. At 1st I put him on a schedule as far as drop/off pick up, homework, play dates , parties and house keeping. He got into his own rhythym. Awesome cook, good house cleaning, just didn't do it on the schedule I thought was best but hey, you got to give alittle to get a little. He made friends with all the moms and some dads that on the occassion I was home and went with him to pick up my son from school, he could barely walk a foot with out all the hello's and talking. It was a perfect opportunity for him to really bond with our son age 5 then. They were and are thick as theives. The only sort of downside and it was really for my hubs was two things. He hated that he had to ask for money which I tried to avoid by giving money weekly for groceries and laundry and for himself but sometimes he needed more for something. The other thing is the moms. Some were going through ruff patches with their hubbies and they would blurt out all their issues and want my hubbies input. He wanted no part of that. Even if he felt for the moms he didn't want to get in the middle and if these women were telling their hubbies that my husband thought they were right about something my husband didn't want any husbands thinking mine was trying to make a move on their wives, because he was sympathizing with the wives. Others had small crushes on him, I noticed this, he was oblivious. They were all "your husband is so sweet with your son, your husband this your husband that, I can see why your son is so handsome because of his dad. This would annoy me sometimes but I thought it was a great ego boost for my hubby since he was not working. One woman confessed to him that her husband had made her abort their last child and my husband was beside himself. He just said I hope you feel better and took off. What shocked him was why she would confess such a personal thing to him? After that he couldn't look at her or her husband in the eye because he felt he knew too much about their very personal situation. He took to wearing an i-pod so everyone would think he was listening to music, but they would interupt anyway. The parent/teacher co-ordinator was trying to get my hubs to join the book club becasue she thought more moms and dads would join becasue my hubby was so likeable. That didn't happen as my husnband reads comic books and teckie manuals only. He is back at work now but I know he misses the routine and the time with my son. If you are thinking of having a SAHD make sure you both sit down and express your expectations, so you both know what you are getting in to.

My husband is a stay-at-home father, and for the most part he loves it. He has the same challenges a mom would face, and needs to get out of the house more. But, he is absolutely amazing with our twins. We came around to this decision after his previous job started to change (auto sales, and no one's buying!). Since I carry the insurance, I can't leave my job. So, he stays home and I work.

My husband is a Stay-at-home-Dad, SAHD. He quit his job when our daughter was born in 2004 and stayed at home. We have a son born in 2007 as well. Some people look down on him cause he isn't supporting our family, but we wouldn't change our situation for the world. If it works for your family then I say go for it!

We are in that situation right now. It was easier for me to pick up work than for him to find a new job last year. I believe that men ate not natural multitaskers so that makes cleaning hard (impossible?!). He's a great cook, but doesn't understand the importance of backing up what the kids learn at preschool. Playdates are nonexistent because he's not friends with the moms like I am, and he's not really comfortable having extra kids over to play. He doesn't participate in preschool circle time like the moms do at pickup time, and just doesn't do things the way I would so it's hard for me to pick up the pieces every night. I like that the kids are safe and with someone who loves them as much as I do, so that's worth it. And it is cheaper than a nanny :)

My hubby just recently got laid off so he has become a "House Husband" and SAHF... honestly, he can't deal! I don't think men were supposed to be SAHF's!! Granted we have twin girls and they can be quite a handful but I need him to get a job quick because he has been so tense lately. Every man is different though, I guess you won't know what you want until you do it for yourself!

i am in this situation right now, however unlike TJ i am not concerned about playdates and preschool circle time, that's not my thing either lol. our thing was, my husband has always had a difficult time keeping a job, and i have always been the stable one - so when i got a big promotion, about the same time our son needed to switch from daycare to preschool, and my husband was already working basically nights and weekends, we realized it just made sense. he still works evenings and weekends, but stays at home m-f during the day and takes our son to and from preschool then stays with him until i get off at 4:30. i don't really expect him to keep a perfectly clean house, and he doesn't really cook - but my responsibilities are about the same, except now i don't have to get my son up and to the sitters, or pick him up in the evenings. so it actually lightens my load. we have never been a traditional "normal" family, but it took awhile for me to come around to the idea - if anyone had told me when i was in high school or college, that i would be the 'breadwinner' while my husband stayed at home, i would have told them they were stupid. BUT. life isn't always what we expect. i am not unhappy with the arrangement. we will probably only do this for a year and a half, until our son goes to kindergarten, then we willr re-evaluate. but for now it's working for us. and my son and husband are getting some major bonding time, and to my surprise, my husband is actually really great with him. who knew? until this time my husband had been pretty hands off - first time dad who really didn't "get" babies or toddlers. but now that my son is older and they are spending more time together, he has really come through. it's great :) although i do miss some of that time with my son. but i am learning to let go just a little bit lol. and my son and i still get every evening, plus weekends, together. on my husbands nights off we are all together as a family, and some on the weekends. like i said, it's not perfect but it's working for us, for the time being.

My husband's a teacher. He taught 1st grade for 11 years and is now teaching 4th grade. So he is really good with little kids. He always tells me that if he didn't have to work, he'd love to be an SAHD. I believe he would make an awesom one, since he is very involved with the kids and their activities already..on top of his works schedule.

I think if women can get paid more, or equal to men...there's no problem in having a SAHD.

As SAHMs, we always have to defend ourselves with the statement, "it's a full-time job". But it's unfortunate, that SAHD are not viewed the same.

My husband was raised on and has always worked on a farm or ranch. So alls he knows is cattle or livestock. He has no real trade or skills, other than rodeo-ing and farmhand. So when the economy took a nose dive and ranches and farms were impacted, so were we. He lost his job and due to his lack in work skills it's been hell for him to find a decent paying full time (non seasonal) work. So since then he's been a SAHF. At first he was really reluctant to become one. He wanted to work, "it's the man's job to bring home the bacon", but in all reality at my job i bring home (with 40 hours a week) twice as much as he did working 65 hours plus. It really had a big impact on his self esteem and pride for awhile, in fact sometimes he still feels bad about it, but he's getting better. The hardest part of it is society's assumptions that SAHF are lazy or "don't want to work" or "deadbeats". But I love that he's a SAHF! First of all it's saving us about 700 bucks a month in daycare. He's getting to spend more time with the kids. He's trying to learn all this household stuff from scratch, which has had it's ups and downs, but he is learning. He cleans and watches our youngest all day and makes sure the older two get back and forth to school. I don't let him do laundry or cook, and if you'd seen the disaster you wouldn't let him near your washer/dryer either. :) This is a temporary thing. Because God knows he wants to be working again and doing what he loves, but he also realizes now how much he was missing out on by working all the time.
Long story short. SAHF are and can be just as great/awesome as SAHMs. Now I do agree that not all people are made to be Stay at home parents, whether they be men or women, but those that are "they are full time workers"

Updated

My husband was raised on and has always worked on a farm or ranch. So alls he knows is cattle or livestock. He has no real trade or skills, other than rodeo-ing and farmhand. So when the economy took a nose dive and ranches and farms were impacted, so were we. He lost his job and due to his lack in work skills it's been hell for him to find a decent paying full time (non seasonal) work. So since then he's been a SAHF. At first he was really reluctant to become one. He wanted to work, "it's the man's job to bring home the bacon", but in all reality at my job i bring home (with 40 hours a week) twice as much as he did working 65 hours plus. It really had a big impact on his self esteem and pride for awhile, in fact sometimes he still feels bad about it, but he's getting better. The hardest part of it is society's assumptions that SAHF are lazy or "don't want to work" or "deadbeats". But I love that he's a SAHF! First of all it's saving us about 700 bucks a month in daycare. He's getting to spend more time with the kids. He's trying to learn all this household stuff from scratch, which has had it's ups and downs, but he is learning. He cleans and watches our youngest all day and makes sure the older two get back and forth to school. I don't let him do laundry or cook, and if you'd seen the disaster you wouldn't let him near your washer/dryer either. :) This is a temporary thing. Because God knows he wants to be working again and doing what he loves, but he also realizes now how much he was missing out on by working all the time.
Long story short. SAHF are and can be just as great/awesome as SAHMs. Now I do agree that not all people are made to be Stay at home parents, whether they be men or women, but those that are "they are full time workers"