Sad That I Don't Have a "Personal Reference" Person

You're not the only one. I'd be hard pressed to come up with one reference, let alone two or three. I'm just not sociable.

Well I do sort of get this problem but what about people in the community? Do you volunteer at school, in sports or scouts, at church or anywhere else? Other parents and teachers are a great resource, even if you aren't tecnically "friends." Hell, I think my dry cleaner would be happy to be a reference for me, as we have such a friendly banter!
Just think about people who know and value your business and/or reliability and list them, and of course give them a heads up. Really, for the most part people are kind and want to be helpful!

the work reference isn't a big deal. an old FB friend probably wouldn't think twice. or go with a casual friend- a mom of one of your kid's friends, or someone you've volunteered with will do just fine. doesn't have to be a bosom buddy.
i'm one of the ones who forgets to nurture friendships, i just get so involved in my daily routine that i don't think about it. so i have to push myself to make sure i don't lose people that i REALLY want to keep. there are always a lot of lovely, lovely folks who end up drifting into the past because i'm very solitary and there are only so many hours in a day, but i do try to spend a few minutes a week, or an hour a month, or whatever works during any given period, to write a handwritten letter, or send 3 emails, or skype someone. even a light contact can mean a lot when you maintain it.
ETA just read the geronimo story- one of the oddest non-sequitors ever. :/
khairete
S.

You can use a frown of you mom or dads. A friend of your I laws, a pastor, someone from church, O. of your kids' moms, an ex coworker, a childhood friend, a FB friend, the receptionist at your dentist, a freelance client, a shop owner in your town...not that important.
Employers are more likely to call your business references.

Unless you are a hermit, which I suppose you can't be if you volunteer, this shouldn't be as hard as you say it is. I suggest you are defining the criteria of the reference incorrectly. It is someone who will say yeah, she is a good worker, never saw her grabbing money, I don't think she is very kind to cats. Anyone you work with at school, talk to waiting to pick up your kids, sit on the side of a sports field will do.

What about your minister, a parent of one of your children's fiends, a co-worker, a neighbour or a former volunteer co-ordinator? I don't think a personal reference needs to be a close friend.

First of all, people have time for what they think is important. So if you are sad that you don't have friends, you can change that.

Secondly, what does it mean that your life is your work and your family? Do you talk to any coworkers? Do they know anything at all about you, such as you are a nice person, cooperative even when your job doesn't require you to be, kind, giving, personable, able to work in a team? So those people can be your school and volunteer references.

When you do stuff with your family, does that ever ever include another family? Do you have the parents of your children's friends over for a birthday party or a barbecue? Do you live in a neighborhood? Do any of your neighbors know you? Do you have neighborhood block parties or babysit for each other or walk each other's dogs? Do you have an emergency contact for your kids who is not a relative? In my neighborhood, a whole bunch of us are on each other's lists if a kid is sick at school or if a parent doesn't make it home in time to meet the bus.

Do you have a history of volunteering already with the school or doing an activity at church/synagogue which required you to work with others for a collective goal? Then these people can vouch for you.

You don't have to have friends that you go to spa weekends with, or people you sit on the phone with twice a week. All of these other contacts are perfectly fine for

If you have none of these things, then I really wonder about what you are hiding from. Why have you not nurtured these relationships? One of the things that makes kids incredibly secure is knowing that their parents have friends who will be there for them - you need to teach your kids the power of friendships at all ages.

If you are insecure about how to be a good friend, or if you question your worth as a friend, then get some short-term counseling to help figure out what the barriers are. You might find some great insight. If you have several hours of melancholy, then there is a bit of depression involved here, and you will do yourself a favor by getting to the bottom of it.

Is the question really about how to come up with these references or about how to find more friends? Or about just expressing your sadness?

If this is mostly about the references (and I suspect that's not the bigger issue), you've gotten some good ideas below: Use other people you have worked with as a volunteer; parents of your kids' good friends; anyone who knows you from church or synagogue or other house of worship if you attend one; you could even use those Facebook friends whom you do actually know (even from a while back) in real, non-Facebook life to some degree, if you give them a heads-up first. They will not find it weird -- you said you think they will but they probably will be fine with it, though you might need to ask them to talk about how they know you in person and not refer to you just as a Facebook friend, if they get a call asking about you.

Does the fact you work keep you from making friends of your kids' parents? (I work from home so I can get out and have coffee with other moms who also home in the daytime, but if you're in an office you can't do that.) How about trying to get together with other families? Just having kids who are friends does not mean you have anything in common with another adult, but if your kids' friends have parents who seem interesting and whom you would like to know better, plan ahead to have kid friend plus parents over for an early, casual dinner on a Saturday. Or go out with that family to some inexpensive, casual restaurant.

It does also help to be involved in something like an organization such as a church, Boy or Girl Scouts, etc. I'm not sure if your volunteering means occasional volunteering or something longer-term, but I found that being a Girl Scout leader helped me find a terrific friend (my co-leader) and also I got to know some of our girls' moms well enough to go for lunch at times. And I wouldn't hesitate to use them as personal references. I'm not saying, "go be a GS leader for the adult friendships" but just usiing that as an example of how longer-term volunteer roles can sometimes yield adult friendships. But it takes time.

We all have friends who are rooted in different stages of our lives -- the "high school friends, college friends, work friends" you mention. The stage you life is in now is work plus family with kids, and that's so busy, and finding friends takes more effort now. You're clearly volunteering at something already, which is great; maybe think now about whether there are adults you meet through volunteering who might want to go for coffee after volunteering while your husband takes the kids home or whatever.

Yes! I just went through this for a work app where I applied for a promotion. All my information was already saved, so I just had to update information. I debated over changing my business reference. I have been in the same job for 17 years and previously used my co-worker. It was the last day before the job closed, so I sent the application and told her the next day.

A little awkward, but she high fived me and said absolutely. I guess I could use a few vendors that I use, but I really hate to involve them in my personal life and I find a job app a little personal...so, no.

If you have friendly relationships with co-workers, ask them. Even your boss. I hear you. I have some friends that I do keep in touch with, but I have no one where we live unless I include co-workers. You're not alone. And I'm super social - circumstances and lack of time make it harder to connect.

Use a work colleague then

You simply put down whomever you want. If they don't like those options then perhaps your child doesn't need to be there...

If it's the school and they won't except your choices then look straight into that person's eyes and say "How do you spell your name" and when they ask why tell them that you have no one that is not related to you in this area and if they won't accept relatives you have no other options except school staff. Since that person seems very concerned about your child that's what you're looking for when you trust someone with your child.

This is serious business. My sister lived out south and west of OKC and one afternoon, while her daughter was in school, she took her mother in law (MIL had dementia) with her while she ran errands. She left her mother in law sitting in her vehicle while she ran in the bank to do some quick business.

The bank was in the process of being robbed. She walked in and the very polite robber said "Please take a seat, we'll be out of here in a few minutes and this will all be over. Please don't turn this into another Geronimo". Which had only been a few months before.

Those words alone had the power to cause a person to freeze and not move. That robbery and slaughter had been on the news and had taken on a life of it's own in Oklahoma. Just as the Sirloin Stockade Murders did and both horrors are still talked about to this day.

She was held captive for at least 10-15 minutes while thy ransacked the vault and drawers. She was so worried her mother in law would get out of the vehicle and wander off, maybe onto the highway and get killed. Plus it was time for her daughter to be out of school and she was now waiting on the school sidewalk for her.

She sat quietly and did as they asked. When she finally left and she was able to use a phone to call the school they'd already seen she wasn't there and even though it was just a few minutes they knew something was wrong and had called people on the list. No one knew where she was. They'd reached her husband at work and he was on his way to get their daughter. They were frantic about her because they knew something was very, very, wrong.

These calling lists are for just this purpose. If you can't be reached who do you want to have access to your children? For me that list is very very short. And even then the kids have specific instructions they are to NEVER go with that person unless I call the school and tell them that person is coming. The principle or the secretary would use the P.A. System and let them know who was picking them up.

So don't let these people bully you into picking people you don't want on there. Tell them these are the only people allowed access to your child and that's it.

You can google the Geronimo Bank Robbery and the Sirloin Stockade Murders, both in Oklahoma, if you like.

I have used a relative and told them to pretend we worked together. Yes it was dishonest but I got the job. There are ways around that question.