Want to End Friendships and Develop New Ones

The friendships will probably fall off once school ends. My son made a friend this year and while he is a nice enough boy he is the youngest of 3 and I think he's a bad influence on my son. NOt in an armed robbery kind of way but just a lot more sophisticated and crafty due to the older siblings. I really liked his mom and thought we'd be friends but after some time decided I didn't want to really persue either relationship...I just kinda stopped hanging out and it just fell away...no hard feelings...I would try that route and keep the kiddos out of it...just be friendly when you cross paths but nothing more...good luck!

Not quite sure what the issue is; if you only see them at the school events, and at sports events, they aren't really friends; they're acquaintances you know you will run into at specific events. Friends would be people you already truly spend time with away from these specific events.

Other than changing your kids' schools, or telling the kids they have to join new sports teams (do you really need to do that?), you will still run into these people at those places. If there are other parents in the school/sports circles who seem OK, make it a point to talk to those people, or just focus on your kids or significant other and when the parents you dislike come over, speak to them enough to be civil but then have something to do. If you volunteer to help with a school event or sports team, you will always be able to say, "Sorry, I need to go get the water bottles now" or "There's my husband -- have to go, we're running the pizza sales tonight" or whatever. If you're already volunteering in such ways, use that to be BUSY when they want to talk to you. And if they invite you here or there after events, tell them: "Can't make it tonight." Because you can't -- you choose not to. You don't have to give reasons.

Please don't put your kids in the middle by explaining to them that you think "these adults are rude and immoral in private." Imagine telling a kid that. They'll be confused, wonder if the children in these families are also bad people (and you don't say the kids are a problem, just the parents), and may repeat what you say. Kids will want details and will defend their friends to their parents. Do you want to go there with your child?

The person who posted and mentioned the "you can't play with me because you're not Catholic" post from a few days back was right -- kids WILL repeat things their parents tell them, or that they think they hear their parents telling them, even if you say not to. It will create much more drama than you want. If you want to be cool and more distant toward these parents, you don't need the additional drama of having them come to you angrily saying, "Your child told mine they can't hang out/can't talk because you say our family's immoral!" That kind of blow-up will be all over the school and sports community gossip in about one second and you, not they, will be seen as rude by other families.

Unless you really want that conversation to happen, just find reasons for you not to invite the one child over. However, if the child herself is nice and a good friend to your child, I'd think again before cutting her off from your child completely. Unless her parents want to come hang out while the kids play together, why not let the kids be friendly? If the girl's family is as rude and immoral as you say, your family and your child's friendship may be anchors for this girl and may help her see a better lifestyle.

Basically you just have to redirect the friendships and ween yourself out of that group.
Be careful if you actually decide to tell your kids why. I'm sure you've seen a few posts here of late--example: "so and so cant play with me because I'm not Catholic". Your kids will get put into a weird position if it's not handled correctly.
Give your kids the tools to explain why they arent hanging out anymore if they get confronted.

Ignore them....they will stop asking you to things and inviting themselves.
Keep telling your daughter no and offer to invite some other friend from her class to do things.

Just know that if you tell your daughter the "why" of things that she's very likely going to tell the other girls and those girls will tell their mothers. And also know that sometimes your child doesn't need to know everything about why you make certain parenting decisions.

EDIT: I meant to add that you have every right to simply back away from the adult friendships quietly. I would do the same thing, especially since you're not very invested in them yet. If you can manage to get your daughter to maintain friendships only at school and to rely more on a close circle of friends that have your approval, encourage that.

Just bow out gracefully. No explanations are really needed- they'll get the hint. If the kids want to hang out, then let them. You shouldn't let your personal feelings influence relationships with the kids. Hope this helps.

My opinion is you cant really control who your kids friends are. If you dont give them a little trust in picking their own friends they will grow to do it on their own and behind your back. You dont have to be friends with their friends parents. If you do not like the way the parents are then just dont let your child go to their house...i wouldnt holdnt your child from having their kids as friends because the parents are screwed up. Let the other children come to your house that way you dont have to worry about what's going on at their house with your child. From personal experience it's better to let your child pick their own friends and to learn how they are without you controling that aspect of their life. This way they dont hide things from you and they dont start lying to you. Good luck with your situation i hope whatever you chose to do works out for you.

Updated

My opinion is you cant really control who your kids friends are. If you dont give them a little trust in picking their own friends they will grow to do it on their own and behind your back. You dont have to be friends with their friends parents. If you do not like the way the parents are then just dont let your child go to their house...i wouldnt holdnt your child from having their kids as friends because the parents are screwed up. Let the other children come to your house that way you dont have to worry about what's going on at their house with your child. From personal experience it's better to let your child pick their own friends and to learn how they are without you controling that aspect of their life. This way they dont hide things from you and they dont start lying to you. Good luck with your situation i hope whatever you chose to do works out for you.

doesn't sound like these are actual friendships now. why the need to formally 'end' them? everyone has many people in their lives, and most are somewhere inbetween on the spectrum between 'beloved' and 'avoid.' it's very very easy to keep it pleasant with those who are closer to the 'avoid' end but who aren't family or intimately involved in your life. simply greet them, maybe exchange a pleasantry or two, and go away. if for some reason you HAVE to be physically near them for a while, keep redirecting the conversation to banal topics (weather, recipes, kids' books, the cute dog you saw at the park yesterday) so you don't have to get into subjects you find immoral.
i strongly suggest you do NOT put your child in the middle. kids don't need to be involved in drama. i wouldn't interfere with the friendships either, but if you absolutely feel you must control to that degree, just tell her something neutral like 'sorry, honey, that won't work for us. let's go to the park' and keep redirecting until it gets dropped.
there's really no need to put exclamation points at the end of some acquaintances and start new chapters with the beginning of others. people swim in and out of our lives all the time. flow with it.
khairete
S.

Keep your daughter out of it. Just keep busy and when you see them, just smile and say, "I've been so busy lately" if they ask why they don't see you lately. Encourage your daughter to have other girls over that you enjoy having in your home. If they ask specifically, just smile and say that your daughter just has too busy of a social life.

Well...if it were me & I were in this situation, I'd start hanging out less & less w/the ones I didn't want to associate with or just drop them all together. I might be cordial & wave just to be civil but if they say something, you might say something like "Well, I feel that we have a lot of different views on things & I disagree w/a lot of what you view is 'okay' & prefer not to be around you because you make me feel uncomfortable. You may not realize it but you come across as less than cordial & somewhat immoral & I am not like that so it makes me feel uncomfortable being around that." Hope this helps, good luck!