Rude Friend... Going Through My Purse

How long have you been "friends"? A real friend would not do this. Shes very rude & arrogant. Who does she think she is? NOT cool! Get a new friend, theres plenty of people you can meet up w/ at school.

I agree that it's rude to go through someone else's things. BUT, I also know that there are so many more things out there to focus your attention on. Yes, she invaded your privacy, it was rude, now move on. The whole Myspace thing is a bit silly if you ask me. Put the whole situation behind you, don't think about it at all and go spend some quality time with your daughter.

I would agree with you A.; very rude. Where did you find this friend?! If you've been friends a long time and this is the first time she has exhibited such inappropriate behavior you might wany to give it a pass and just let her know you would prefer she respects your privacy. If this is a new friendship I would be wary as to trusting her. It would concern me.

J. L.

If it were my kids who did such a thing, I would have disiplined them myself! Her mother should have explained to her that it's wrong and you don't go through anything of anyones! I'm only assuming she didn't b/c you didn't say. But if the mother doesn't then you have no choice but to take the matters into your own hands. Your right, it's not about trust, it's about repsect! It's about what's right! It's about discipline needed in society today.
It is NOT right even if your friend started to do it herself. It's just not right and no you can't trust someone who can't tell the differnce.

Wow! That is some serious privacy issues. Maybe I am just a non-trusting person but there are some lines you just don't cross. Would you let your hubby and kids go threw your purse? Personally I just don't because you need to have at least 1 place that is YOURS.

I love my friends to but not a chance any of them are going threw my purse! If they got offended like that I would ask them if they would like it if I go threw all of their private things.

Hi A.!
As a child I was always taught NEVER to go through a woman's purse and it is something that I still adhere to. It a woman's private domain. It doesn't mean that she's hiding something it's just the only place in her life she can be assured a bit of privacy. So much else of our lives is out in the open (especially if you're a Mom) that it's nice to have a little something to ourselves. I have also taught this to my children. It is just being respectful in my opinion. My second ex-husband just couldn't understand this concept and would get highly irrate when it bothered me when he tried to go through my purse. Would accuse me of hiding something and having an affair!! What a dubba.....

I agree with you it was rude if your friend is a true friend she should understand your feelings if you explaine how it made you uncomfortable. L.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! You mean that YOUR supposedly ADULT friend started going through your purse? No way. How can I best describe this behavior? Rude, low-class, unbelievable, tacky, insensitive, just plain wrong!!!
You are not wrong in your reaction. This is so wrong in so many ways. Wow. I don't think that I could trust her after that. My husband won't even go into my purse when I ask him to get something for me. He tells me that it is my area alone and that it is not his place to go into it. Whether he needs something from it, or I ask him to get something specific, he always brings the purse to me to get the item--including my calendar that I keep in the little open outside pocket. Also, please keep in mind that I have a very small purse. I can fit it into the diaper bag, and if I need any extra space for anything, I just use the diaper bag compartments. My purse is the size of a clutch, so it's not like he has to wade through loads of "woman-y" stuff.

Hi A.,
I guess it was a little rude of her to just go through your purse. I found it a little strange though, and kind of immature at the same time. I have a friend who, whenever she is over my house, looks at everything on my fridge and/or my kitchen table when we're sitting at it. I don't keep anything personal laying out but sometimes I'll have a piece of mail or something and she'll feel compelled to read it. It's more annoying to me than anything! I've never confronted her about but I have told her that she is the nosiest person I've ever met. I don't even know what the hell is interesting about reading someones junk mail on the table or dates and reminders on the fridge!!?? It's annoying when we're getting ready to leave to go somewhere and I'm like waiting for her to finish reading something of mine. I'm like "helloooo, are you done?? Lets go!!" I mean really!! Anyway, back to your situation. I think you did freak out a little too much. How long have you guys been friends? Personally, I would NEVER do it to someone else just because I would never think to. My mother did teach me differently as well (like you). However, if my friend picked up my purse and started rumagging through it, it's normally to look for lotion or lip gloss or something of that nature. Your friend says she was looking for pictures I guess? Although, I would never do it to someone else, it wouldn't both me in the least but everyone is different. She probably never thought you would have reacted like you did. I read what you wrote over myspace. I mean, clearly she was very offended and probably never thought you would get so upset. I mean, what were you worried about? It sounds like the friendship is now severed, unless YOU apologize for being accusational & responding in a harsh mannor, and she apologizes for invading your privacy. But it all depends on how much the friendship means to you. Is it really worth it? It sounds to me like you two weren't the greatest of friends to begin with...? My girlfriend and I have been best friends for about 13 years now, and we have these little spats too over some silly things but we confront each other and get over it. Hopefully, you can work it out...if that is what you really want.

that's so rude! I don't even liek getting something in someone's house when they tel me it's okay because i feel like it's invading their privacy. How good is this friend? I wouldn't leave her alone in my house or with my stuff anymore. If she snooped with you there I wonder if she's snooped when you weren't looking.
Oh I get pissed just thinking about it.
I'm on your side. I wander how she'ld feel if you went threw her things?

Not accaptable, i agree. She does not seem to understand that she is walking over your healthy borders. Can you help her understand in a gentle, friendly, compassionate way? She will feel embarrassed and silly, i think. and that is hard to bear. Can you make it easier for her to see this the way you see it by giving a related example?

Anyway, i totally agree that it is not ok to just look through your stuff, with you watching or not.

I have never ever thought about going through anyone's purse! You are right it is rude, if you didn't ask her to find something for you she should not have been in there. with her being so "whatever" about it, I wonder what else she has been doing with your private things. I would be a bit suspicious and if it happens again, pull that pocketbook away from her and tell her that you are serious and to never do it again. (even if you have to pull over).
This world is changing and I believe privacy isn't what it used to be. If she is young, maybe she did this with her mom's purse all the time and feels it's no big deal. Make your boundaries and if she doesn't like them, reconsider if she is a friend or not. I would personally be embarrassed if I had to be told to get out of someone's purse, medicine cabinet, jewelry chest, closet etc. L.

A., I'm amazed at how few people are taught common courtesies these days. It's really very sad!! I would just explain it that you were brought up that purses were private and its a rule you still adhere to. She may be surprised that many people feel that way and you may be able to keep her out of future jams by explaining that. Some people will not be so gracious!!

Are you sure you can call her a friend? An acquaintance at best. I can't picture any of my friends doing something like that, not even my husband. Is her daughter like that too? Impolite, rude? If I were you I would be on a hunt for my daughter friends + other mothers, because they might influence your child quite negatively too. Not to be paranoid, but you have to look for who your daughter spend time with. Find some respectable and professional families who have some manners (easy to say!)

Wow! Your friend is very immature! How old is she? I'm guessing in her 20's. Any older and it's even more jaw-dropping.

I would agree with others to reconsider this friendship. Such a lack of maturity, I would be afraid to leave my daughter with her.

She's sitting next to her friend and she's bored? That's another reason I'd consider dumping her. Was she raised by her tv? - lack of parental involvement (ie.: Her parents sat her in front of the tv while they were busy doing something else so she didn't learn to entertain herself.)

Good luck.

I am just reading this and your update as well as others comments. Yes your friend was rude but I don't think it was immature for you to send her a message. As a lot of people use myspace now as oppose to their email I'd say that you obviously felt this was the best way to speak with her. To some who thinks that she did this openly for all to see myspace message is like email it is not for all to see as she did not send a comment but a message.

I am sorry that you thought of this woman as a friend and she did not respect your boundaries and went off on you in such a manner but it is better to end the friendship if she was doing so many things that don't and have not been of the respecting friendship kind.

Be blessed

I don't blame you -- I have one friend who might do that but I know she would ask first.

The whole thing sounds immature...the going through of the purse, the messaging on MySpace, 'deletion'.

I can't imagine 2 adults acting like that.

A. I agree it is NOT acceptable! It would be different if you asked her to get something out or if she asked if you had a band-aide or piece of gum or something & you said yeah in my purse. But no that is just strange, rude and VERY TACKY! My own mother gets mad if ANYONE, me, my dad, my sister, my niece went through her purse and she has nothing to hide. She just thinks it is rude & she should get some privacy and I agree.
Your friend is either very young or just never grew up or is just plain tacky and sorry but what I picture is trailer trash! No offense I may be totally out of line, but that is what I picture I tacky, trashy person doing.

Dear A., Obviously there's more going on here than the purse bit. She knows damn well she was wrong, that's the reason she has responded the way she did. Immaturity... Now as far as the My space response from you, lets not kid ourselves. Two wrongs don't make a right.
You don't have e-mail? If you are willing to air your problem on a forum such as this and to go at each other in a public setting like My space, you open yourself up to answers you may not like. Most sites like here (mama) and My Space require an e-mail address in able to join or post. Enough said? If I am wrong about this fact I will apologize profusely. Also she may not answer her home phone. I don't myself and I read that in this country many don't that have cells. Does she not have an answering machine, or service on her phone or cell phone for messages? Bottom line, she's not really a friend. An acquaintance perhaps. In fact the whole borrowing money and issues w/ problems being dependable babysitting indicate the lack of substance in her character. Learn from it...In life we need to establish healthy boundaries for acceptable behavior. Myself, I had to learn this late in life and it was painful. Be glad you realize now, what isn't meant to be.

That is absurd and out of line, completely unacceptable. Everyone else has covered that very well. The second issue is that she is bored sitting with you - what does that about your friendship? I would address that point with her as well. Here you have an outing planned, and even before you get to the restaurant, she is bored! A third point you can make is that she did this in front of her child and yours. You can say, "It's NOT okay, and I don't want my child to think that it is okay." It's like reading people's mail, going through the medicine cabinet when you use the powder room, and going into people's bedrooms when you visit. Off limits. There are public spaces you get invited into (the living room, the kitchen, the powder room), and there are private spaces - bedrooms, home offices, drawers, desks & closets. Something is "off" with this woman - she's either interested in taking your money, or she's way too nosy. Both are serious reasons to not let this happen again. If you continue to socialize, if you have her over at your house, make sure you remove everything personal from the bathroom she and her child might use (such as medications), put your mail away, and get anything out of the kitchen cabinets that might be personal (some people keep medications there, or keep bills or a checkbook on a kitchen desk). Tell her in no uncertain terms that it is unacceptable, and stop seeing her if it happens again. I think you can bring the issue up by saying, "You know, I was so stunned when you went through my purse, that I really couldn't come up with the right words. I want to tell you, in no uncertain terms, how I feel about this. This is not someone your child should be learning from. And if HER daughter learns this and tries it in school or with friends, she will be in serious trouble.

Though I do think it's strange and certainly something I would never do and never want anyone to do to me, I can't help but try to think of what would have possessed her to just pick up your purse and browse. Many cultures/groups have different ideas about privacy. Privacy is not sacred, or does not even exist in many parts of the world. Maybe she has lots of sisters and is used to sharing. I don't know. It just seems there had to be a reason, but I would not let it happen again if I were you.

Hi A.,
Ok, that is beyond weird. If she was so bored she should have gone through her own purse...not yours especially with out your permission. I totally agree that if you had asked her to get something out for you, then that would have been acceptable, but to just go through it for no apparent reason is just odd! I also don't think she should have been offended because it's not an issue of trust but that is one of a womans things that are private to her, even if it's filled with fishy crackers and juice...it shouldn't be something she is randomly checking out. I guess I would have the same feelings as you in regards to leaving it out, I would think she would do it again. I wish you luck in this matter and hopefully it doesn't hurt your relationship if you bring it up to address it.

Well ya I agree! Is you friend 5??? What if some money fell out and you had to assume she TOOK it. I think I would say something about not being happy too and put it to her that as a mother you would not think it was ok for your kid to go through someone else's belongngs trust ir not having nothing to do with it.
It's a privacy issue. She wouldn't want you to stroll in her house and go through her panty drawer would she!?!?! AND do it because "you were bored" and "what's the big deal, doesn't she trust you"??