Routine/Schedule

could it be your son is not used to their voices? or some unfamiliar sounds at inlaws home or sister's home.maybe when he is used to different vioces and sounds he will be more confortable.

Hi A.,

I would recommend a couple things. First, how does your son do when you are just out and about with normal everyday things? Does his acting up only happen with extended visits to their house, ie more than an hour? If this is the case, it could just be as simple as keeping him on his regular schedule, only at their house, or maybe he is missing something special, like for my children it was a special blanket that made every house seem like home.

Second I would just see if your family would come visit you, rather than you visit them. He may not be comfortable around them, or something in their house. This isn't saying anything against your family, but he could just be unsure of those around him, so he doesn't feel safe and comfortable. Or he is just overwhelmed by the "newness" of it all and is expressing that they only way he knows how.

Good luck.

Hi A.. I, too, had what I considered the perfect baby when she was home. But, if I took her away from her environment, especially during nap time, she was a terror. Not to mention, she hated riding in the car. When I finally gave into the fact that she was happier on her own schedule at home, I started planning time away from home during times that did not coincide with nap time. She took two naps a day for the first two years. I know that seems like a lot, but she was much happier when she had her nap. Try planning your visits when you know your baby is happiest and most alert. Then, if possible, always be home for naps. I know this is a bit of a sacrifice, but you and your baby will be happier in the end. Also, you might try having your guests come to your house. Good Luck. By the way, I now have a happy, well adjusted thirteen year old who actually likes being with her mother. Go figure.

You may see the places you go as comforting because they are family, but you have taken your son out of his 'perfect' enviroment that you have created that he is used to. You may not think your schedule is very strict at home but it just might be. Try to loosen up at home a bit and see if that helps him when you are out and about. Also, if everyone is holding and cuddling him at the in laws but that doesn't happen at home, as them to leave him alone. Try to take how you treat your son at home with you where ever you go. Just like they say you shouldn't worry about noise when the baby is sleeping otherwise you create a child that can't sleep unless it is dead silent or wakes up at the smallest noise. (ask me about the sleep monster my ex and his wife created with their baby!!) You need to keep things flexable in other areas of their lives too.

Good luck!
S.

Hi A.! My now 1-yr old was the same way. She was great at home b/c we did have her on a pretty good schedule at 3 months. Not to be discouraging, but she was about 6 mths old before she finally chilled out at other places. I think the best remedy is to keep introducing them to new places. My hubby and I agreed that we would rather her be great for us at home and challenging outside the home than the other way around. I have friends that had great "travel" babies, but they had no rhyme or reason to their days. I just couldn't function like that! Hope this helps.

K.

I had the same transition using the Babywise philosophy.

What helped me was going in short time frames then adding each time. For example, our adventure to the park was a set 30 minutes. Then after a few weeks increased to an hour

Visiting relatives. I made the unpopular decision to keep my kids on schedule. So we would visit for an hour and make it back home in time for lunch. After several of those visits, then we increased the time. I still dont have nap time at friends or relatives (My kids are 4 and 2). We still shoot to have nap time at home. Seems sorta funny to keep a strict routine but the payoff was great. My kids, to this day, take their nap and go to bed like clock-work.

Also, give youself grace to help make the transition. The kids will become more content with time. If you set a consistent day to visit your in laws or sisters house. Or, one day a week is "field trip" day. Make it special and talk about the day before so he will look forward to it. Your son will begin to think this is apart of the schedule.

A few questions though, when you go to your in laws:
1. Do you immediately pass him to relatives or is he allowed to stay with you awhile then become social in his time? I had to learn this one the hard way. We would immediately allow relatives to pick up my son. He would fuss. Then we decided he would stay with us until he was ready to rome freely. Another unpopular decision but the kids were way more content. Now the kids run to the relatives.
2. Do you visit around nap time?
3. What is his most social time of the day
4. How long is the trip to the in-laws/sister? Do you need to go after nap time or allow him to sleep on the way if the commute is over 30 minutes
5. Does he eat while at the visit? This helped us so the focus was not on the kids all the time.

You have started with two great books (Happiest baby and Baby whisperer). You may want to consider books that speak more toward the babies current stage. Publix has a great book the covers from 0-5years. The book is free. Complete a card at the kiosk--the customer service representative will assist you.

All the best.

I'm not familiar with the Happy Baby philosophy, but I did raise my son on a routine, which he did very well with. HOWEVER, I still kept it just a little flexible because that's how we have to be in real life. Whenever we went anywhere, I always took one of his favorites: boo boo, book, blankie, etc. so he would have something familiar. Also, remember that having a lot of noise and people he doesn't see often in a strange place can be overwhelming to him. You and your husband are his "people", so stay close by. I agree about avoiding stressful situations when he's tired - within reason. Just try to introduce him to these situations gradually. He'll be fine.

I would ask people to visit you at your house. This won't last forever. He may be getting ready to outgrow it now, since he is 3 months old. For now, do what is easiest for you and him. That book is wonderful and I'm glad you found it to be helpful. It helped me so much with my youngest. She was a terrible baby. Really. Awful. But she outgrew it and became a happy baby once she could move around more. She walked at 9 months and has never looked back. It will be okay. Just give him the time he needs at home.

What about a lovey? May seem weird, but I had special blankets for each of my boys that I took every where with them. They became their security blankets (no pun intended) and it really helped them transition to different things - even leaving them with someone else was always easier when they had their blankies with them.

I also wanted to add that my oldest was easily over stimulated. He didn't like toys with all the lights and sounds and would cry if things got too loud. He eventually outgrew it, but maybe your SIL's house is just too stimulating for him.

I hope some of this advice helps. And kuddos for the schedule. I raised my boys on routine and I think it makes things so much easier.

I agree with the previous commenter. I would plan your schedule around your child's naps so that he is always home during those times. My son is 20 months old and I still plan around his afternoon nap and I try very hard to be sure he is home and happy for his nap every day. Good Luck!

Your baby is very sensitive and may feel your excitement, however not knowing how to discern it.

Hi A.. What is the physical atmosphere of your in-law or sister's house? Is it very drafty? Do they have it hotter or cooler than baby's environment? Is it typically very dusty there? Is it as clean as your own home? Do the animals run free through the house and maybe intimidate him a little, not to offend your loved ones but little babies react different to animals. Are there any outside contributions of allergens: dogs, cats, birds that reside in the home and sit on the furniture? His little nose and lungs could be irritated. Perhaps he is so accustomed to the room temperatures at home that it's uncomfortable at your loved ones' homes. Protect him any way you can when it comes to the irritants. As for the temperatures or dust, always take a sweater or be ready to let him play in his onsie if it's too hot inside. If dust is the problem, as in many homes you'll have to curtail the visits somewhat until he's older. After all he's still in the newborn category. My oldest child was prohibited from spending the night and extended visits due to both grandparents' chain smoking. The effects of second-hand smoke was too dangerous. My son reacted immediately at the home of one of my dearest friends, however, she was a cat breeder. The smell of urine was very offensive to us both, so I had to limit our visits and try to avoid that area which unfortunately was right off of the kitchen. :-) A pacifier will help him soothe himself. Readily available toys are helpful and a little juice never hurts. I hope you'll consider these and it helps. Enjoy being a mom...it is just the best job on the planet. I'd love to hear how he's coming along in his visits too. A

Have you tried inviting your in-laws and sister over to your house so the baby could get used to being around them in a more comfortable place for him?