Mother in Law - Fort Worth,TX

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We have the same issue with my mom. She just doesn't believe in "putting" kids to bed, just letting them run wild until they conk out. For that reason, my 2 year old son very very rarely spends the night at her house (which breaks my heart because he stays the night at my In-laws house almost every other friday night, and has a much closer relationship with them. My MIL puts him down for naps and bedtime at the same time we do and always asks us if there have been any changes in his routine for her to know about. She's amazing, to say the least haha)

I simply told my mom that he has a very hard time sleeping away from home and just don't tell her about him staying at his other grandparents' house. it's wrong to lie like this, but there's no point in anyone's feelings getting hurt over something like this. When he gets older and doesn't need naps, maybe he can spend the night more at your in-laws house.

I dont understand your question, can you make it more of a scenario so I know what you mean for sure?
Are you saying they dont have your son nap while he's there so you cant get him to go to bed at night when you get home?
He needs to learn to follow your rules at home regardless of where he's been during the day. You didnt say how old he is, that would sort of help too.
Just talk to your MIL mom to mom/grandma and explain the trouble you have by him being taken off of his schedule. If he doesnt visit there very often it's probably something you will just have to deal with until he gets a little older and more flexible. If Grandma is babysitting for you overnight she is probably doing what is easier for her while your son is there, that would be my guess. I'm only assuming since your question is too ambiguous really.

Your child your rules.

Why don't you just be honest with them. Have your husband talk to them and say "Mom and Dad could you please keep the baby on his schedule when he is here, because he gives us such a difficult time at night when he is overtired" Then if they don't comply I would go another route. It wouldn't be fair in my opinion to deny them their grandchild without explaining to them what you need them to do, and what is best for the baby. If you are kind about it I am sure they will respect your wishes.

Schedules for babies and toddlers are VERY important. Both my mom and MIL knew that if they had my boys, MY schedule was followed. Period, thank you very much, amen. My MIL settled for visits only and my mom fought me tooth and nail. But, I was adamant in a very nice way (well, I thought I was nice, I'm sure my mom wouldn't agree). Her time was curtailed until she decided that seeing the boys was worth following my rules.

Now that the boys are older (teenagers), I don't worry that they go to (either) grandma's, stay up all night, eat horrible food, and play video games until the cows come home. It's their vacation, a time to do everything mom won't let them. When they come home, I spend a week retraining them and we all move on.

Explain this to your husband and hopefully he'll be man enough to make this point to his parents. If not, just schedule LOTS of little visits that work in to the schedule. If they complain, gently explain your concerns and stick to your guns. You shouldn't have to suffer because your in-laws and husband are unsupportive.

Good luck.

I understand your feelings...but...I believe family and visiting family is WAY more important than your child's sleeping habits, your baby will adjust and be fine.

~Are you not there for the visits? You have talked to them and let them know that your child still needs naps and they just disregard that? If so, that is too bad...maybe have your hubby talk to them about it, they are HIS family/parents after all, he should deal with them.

***Just FYI, it might not be the in-laws fault...all 3 of my kids are/were excellent sleepers but had terrible times trying to sleep at in-laws or my mom's or my sister's houses when we stayed over night...new enviornment and all..it always screwed up their sleeping habits but we just dealt with it because the visits were way more important to us.

Why was he there if not for a visit?

Are they watching the baby while you're at work?

Can you put the baby to bed earlier on the days he is there & just doesn't nap?

Are your in-laws aware of your baby's basic routine & schedule? Could you write it down for them?

Awww...some of the answers I read made me feel so sad! I am a total type-A, very structured & organized mom...my mother is exactly the opposite...but I would never keep my kiddos from staying at her house because of that. They are kids...they adjust...& they are SO lucky to have a grandparent in their life...not all kids are that lucky! As long as she is taking proper care of the kiddo (changing diapers, feeding, etc.), I wouldn't fret over a missed nap here & there. Of course, if the grandparent is taking care of the child on a daily basis, it's something you'd have to come to a compromise about or find another caretaker. But if it's just for visits...try to take it all in stride & be thankful for having a grandparent that wants to be involved!

Maybe it's the different environment and that's why your kid won't nap. They probably do believe in naps but don't want to spend the whole visit arguing about napping.

I believe you are wrong in only expecting him to go there to visit. how would you feel if he expected the same about your parents? I sense some sarcasm in your tone, so maybe if you changed your attitude a little bit, the situation for you would be better.

I hear ya loud and clear! We lived with my in-laws for half of my pregnancy and until my son was 9 months old, so...I know what you are going through! My MIL is one of the only people who I allow to babysit, largely because my son is comfortable with her and despite our differences, I trust his well being with her. But, we've butt heads on my trying to get her to not give him cow's milk (he drinks soy and breastmilk), not to buy him treats and sweets with corn syrup or dyes or additives, not to allow him to have soda and on and on! She usually loads him up with sugar, doesn't make him sleep and he's often a nightmare when he's been with her.

But I have tried to calm down about it because, she loves him, she protects him and plays with him and loves being around him and since he's with me and eats healthy and sleeps enough 80% of the time, the other 20% isn't going to hurt him too much. And far better that he know his family and his grandparents than miss out on that precious bond. You have to pick your battles. Find a balance to stand your grown, make your requests in terms of how you raise your child known and hope that you are respected. I have kind of worn my MIL down to a point of where she will usually ask me first if he can have a cookie or whatever she wants to give him. Or I give kind of a list before we leave him. If it bothers you too much, limit it without making drama over it. Like for us, we only see my in-laws on weekends or every other weekend, so it's not too much.

We have the same issue - not just with in-laws but also with my parents as well. . . when we get the kids back from either grandparents it is like going through "baby detox"! I would suggest having a simple conversation or providing a written schedule. My sister in law and I both do this, that way the grandparents have an idea of what the baby's day is like . . . explain consistency is key to a good nights sleep and once they get older the rules will become more flexible. My son is 5 now and is way less affected by grandparent time than he used to be. Good luck, I know it is really difficult now but it will get better. It just takes some caring communication, don't assume they remember everything about baby care. I'm sure they have no idea the havoc that occurs at home after a day of grandma/grandpa.

Same thing here! It's only every now and then for us, so I just deal with it...can't complain when it's free babysitting! I schedule my appointments around their nap, so they will be home with me before naptime. Or, I drop them off after their nap. For evening dates, we will put them to bed before the in-laws come over to babysit. If we have to go out earlier in the evening, I just prepare myself that they will still be up at 10p when we return. It can be frustrating, but not worth stressing over.

This is the same thing that also can happen when parents are divorced. Grandparents seem to be the worst I have a home day care and the grandparents would allow this kid on tables and standing on chairs. So frustrating. I would not send him there when he has to take a nap. It is just to frustrating. I had a parent I terminated because she did not want her kids to nap as she said she had a hard time getting them to bed but the state requires us quiet time or nap everyone needs it and I know I need the rest too. I cook two huge meals change diapers do activities and after lunch the all go down. It is much easier if you will read research on the web to put them down for a nap if they have had some sort of nap during he day. When they fight it is when they are over tired. I would just take him on visits or over night but not during the day time napping. G. W

My kids just don't nap well at my in-laws' (although they probably wish they would). So, we just expect that they go to sleep a little earlier when they stay there and we readjust when we're home. They won't nap there even when we're there unless they nod off in the car on a ride. It is hard for kids at any age to keep with those routines, so I would just expect a rougher bedtime and be thankful that they do watch your baby. Unless it is something you've already discussed with them or tried to help them with, you probably shouldn't be upset anyway. It wasn't clear from the "apparently don't believe in naps" if you've already discussed it or just assume that based on the no-napping. Good luck. Sleep is tough away from home for anyone.

That's why I never let our daughter go for that very reason. They don't respond positively to the baby's needs/cues. When it's time to sleep/eat/rest/relax/walk/crawl let them be a baby!!!!!

It's unhealthy to deprive them of sleep just to get in time with them. There are other opportunities.