Reverse Lock Method-revised

i completely agree with Besty C.

Consistency is key. Just keep putting her to bed without a word. It will be exhausting and seem hopeless for a while (maybe a few days to a week) but it will be so much better for the entire family in the long run. You certainly want to get it taken care of before baby #2.

Stay strong! Good luck.

How would you feel if someone locked you in a room and you couldn't get out? What if you actually do fall asleep and you can't hear her? What about falling asleep to a movie or music or even white noise (like a fan)? I know that it is hard, I am a single Mom and my son slept with me until he was 8, but I think a part of that was my feeling that he was safer in the same room with me. Good luck but please use the lock as an absolute last resort.

Couldnt help but gasp when reading that an educated human would recommend locking a young child in their room. Holy cow...NOT good advice.
My brother slept on the floor of my parents bedroom till he was about 10. He was a foster child untill my parents adopted him at 8 months old. He had severe abandenment issues...and probably thought that sleeping right under my moms feet, he could tell if she was getting up in the middle of the night to leave.It wasnt the ideal situation, of course, but my folks just let him sleep there, and I guess he just figured out one day that nobody was leaving him.
I know that may sound terrible, but WHO KNOWS what was going through his little mind? He had his own bright sunny room, very close to my parents bedroom, and he would always wind up on their floor.
I'd let your daughter work it out, really, the more you push one way, the more she will resist. Make her room as soft and loving and maybe let her pick out new sheets..or at least a pillowcase,or a new stuffed animal. She WILL one day sleep in her own bed again!
Oh, and my brother Chris is now 33yrs old, and living life in L.A.!
Hope this helps a bit.
Trust me when I say they are only young once, and they grow up soooo fast... soon enough you'll be on to the next struggle!
J.

OH dear....I feel your pain...I went through things similar to this with our youngest daughter....to encourage you...we all survived...she is now 25 years old and seems to have come through it all in one piece...so there IS hope!!!
Can I suggest a book to you that was the saving grace for us...within 3 nights we had her sleeping in her crib..(she was under 2 at the time) and we were sleeping peacefully in our bed.
The book is still in print...it is called Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems...by Richard Ferber here is the website on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...
The process that we used was basically what you see "SuperNanny" use on tv...a quiet , bedtime routine, then each time she cried out for us we waited a little longer before responding...we didnt talk to her or make eye contact with her...no interaction to "reward" her for crying...if we needed to change a diaper it was done in the crib...it didnt take her long to get the message that she needed to self soothe herself to sleep.
Good luck...and I hope that soon you are getting a restful night's sleep!!!

I've gotta say that sounds pretty drastic, and mean. Would you want to be locked in a room? People don't realize how much of childrens tramatic situations are brought into their adulthood. While this may sound like a good idea, it could have major effects on her in the future. She's only three, give her time, and enjoy her sleeping w/ you. The times going to come where she wants nothing to do w/ you, and you'll wish you had your three year old back to hold. Enjoy this time. Have you tried watching supernanny, to get ideas, so you don't have to go this route?

At my child's school during fire safety week, the firefighters stated you should never use a reverse lock on a child's door. Find another way for your child's safety.

I would never ever ever lock a child in their bedroom. It just sounds inhumane and dangerous. What if she gets sick? What if there is a fire or a burglar chooses HER window to break in? I don't have any practical advice other than saying a reverse lock sounds like a terrible idea. I hope you do find something that works.

WOW, my 1st response was: OMG, lock the child in??

& then I felt guilty for reacting in such a knee-jerk manner. I wondered (since my children are 12 & 21) if I was out of touch with today's methods....even though I am a childcare provider & read a lot.

Then I read the other Moms responses, & boy!! do I feel better. Please do not lock your child in her room. She needs to feel safe & secure, not isolated & alone. It's up to you to make her bedroom feel like her sanctuary & her castle....she's needs to feel ownership of the room. Not to feel like she's being locked in.

Researchers/professors are NOT always right. That's "why" there's always new theories out there...as humans, we still haven't mastered our lives, yet. Sooo, Let's lock that adult in a room & see how it feels!

We tried this with my 4 year old a few times when she was younger. The only benefit we got was that it kept her in her room. We had to stay awake until she went to sleep so that we could open her door again before we went to bed. She, too, is a screamer. I'm not one to give in to every demand unless it's a necessity, but standing our ground one night was torture for me. In hindsight, I can't imagine how scared she was because she was alone when she wasn't used to it, and she was used to me comforting her when she was scared and I wasn't there for her that time. I wouldn't do it again. She is probably at the age that she can climb over baby gates unless you can find one tall enough. I don't know if you own your home or not, so modifications may or may not be possible for you. I rent, so I wasn't able to, but if I own a house by the time that my youngest gets to that stage, I would really consider replacing a regular bedroom door with one of the split doors (the top opens and the bottom half can stay closed...churches and daycares have them often). It seemed like it would be a little more comforting for them not to be completely cut off from you. I have no clue what they would cost, but it was an idea I had when I was going through the same thing. I hope you find a solution that works for you. Good luck!

A friend went through this with one of her boys. By 4, he just wanted to sleep with them. She didn't believe in the cry-it-out method when he was younger. They went to a sleep center to get some advice. Here was the suggestion..Put a sleeping bag on the floor next to mom and dad's bed and let him sleep on it for a few night to get used to not being in their bed. They went to Target and made a big deal about picking out a new "bed" for him, so he was really excited to try it out. Then, every few nights slowly move it one or two feet farther away from the bed, down the hall and into his room. It was a slow process-took almost 3 months, but they eventually got him sleeping in his sleeping bag in his own room, then finally in his bed.
I've never heard of just locking a child in his/her room. It does sound like the cry-it-out method, modified to work for a 3 year old. I strongly believe in the cry-it-out method-it worked for all 3 of my children (but I did it when they were less than 1). I'm not sure how it would work with a 3 year old.
You'll have to do what you feel is best for your family-which is tough to do when you're totally sleep deprived. Whatever you decide to do, remember that you're giving your child (and yourselves:)) one of the best gifts-the ability to get a good nights sleep. It will be easier when she's 3, than when she's 6. I'm also betting you'll do things a bit differently with your new baby:))

Sorry, no experience here...but just wondering if one of the "extra tall" baby gates in her doorway would work better than locking the door? (Maybe she wouldn't get quite as panicked? good luck

First of all congrats on your new baby! I really feel for your sleep problems. I had a new baby 2 months ago and also have a three year old. My 3 y/o never had major sleep problems, she has given us some greif from time to time but once shes asleep shes like a rock and stays that way. I do have to say though since we had the baby she has been getting up about 2 hours earlier in the morning! Im lucky if I can get her to sleep past 7am. But we also let her sleep on the floor in our room so she didnt feel left out. And I thought it was cute a couple nights to have the whole family in one room. But I would say her sleep habits have changed since the baby. It may get worse before it gets better. I know you have tried everything but locking her in her room sounds scary. Something that helped us when we moved I let my daughter pick out new things for her room, bedding and stuff and got her excited about her bed. She has a special stuffed animal she sleeps with, she has a night light, I leave the door open and tell her I can hear her and Im right there if she needs anything and I wont let anything happen to her. For some reason the Monsters Inc. movie backfired on us! I hope some of this helps but it sounds like you have tried everything. I know it must be hard being exhausted with a new baby and a 3 y/o. Hang in there! {{Hugs}}

E., you are the mom so I say you do what you feel you need to do. But having said that, the idea of locking a child in there room when they obviously have a fear or insecurity seems beyond cruel to me.You have allowed the situation to get where it is, everytime you caved...you basically Trained her that this was acceptable behavior. You can be firm and be loving at the same time. Persistance is key. To me? Locking a child in her room is punishing her for something you let get out of control. I say this with sympathy trust me...my oldest son and I were alone in the world ( it felt like) and the first few years of his life I allowed him to sleep with me.
The way I got him to sleep in his bed took a lot of patience and the same routine.It took a while I will not lie. The first time he got out of his bed, I led him back in and tucked him back in and told him I loved him but he had to sleep in his own bed, subsequant trips back to bed I didn't say anything, I just put him back in bed and walked out. There was no yelling on my part no bargaining. The younger you do this the easier it is, I want to say Tyler was between 2 and 3 years old. My sister just went through this with her 3 year old. Her 3 year old was smart enough to be bargained with...my sister put a chart on the fridge with about 6 boxes on it and when my niece got 5 stickers in a row ( a sticker for each night she slept in her own bed) she got a disney princess dress up dress. Now this worked because my niece Really wanted the dress, I do not think it would work with all kids, but was just trying to give you alternatives.
Good luck, stay strong, and realize that one day this won't be an issue any longer.
B.

We had a similar issue with our son. We put a lock on the outside of his door and told him if he stayed in his room we would leave the door open. If not, we would lock him in. On nights we locked him in, we unlocked the door after he fell to sleep. In addition to the threat of locking him in, we set up a reward system to reward him for going to bed nice and stayning in his room. You will have to find something that your daughter really wants. He was into the cars movie and he worked towards earning cars. It took us less than a week.

Boy, I feel for you here and I'm sure by your notations that you have tried everything. I personally wouldn't do the locks because I would think it would make her even more fearful and eventually distrustful of you. The method that I used with my difficult sleepers is what Supernanny used in sitting by the bed and gradually each night getting closer to the door until they became comfortable. It was a PAIN IN THE ASS and we had little sleep for 2 weeks but it worked. You also have to be militant in following it religiously each night.

I will also say that I have had the displeasure of being a single mom for 30/36 mos due to 2 deployments of my DH. My kids were only 2/3 and 3/4 at the time so it was terribly hard on me. I have stooped so low as to drug them with Tylenol PM when I became desperate for a good nights sleep. Tylenol came out with a liquid version that I suspect was geared towards seniors who could no longer take pills well... I gave the kids the normal dosage that they would get for pain and it worked like a charm. Granted, this wasn't something I did every night or even on a regular basis...just when I was truly at my wits end and couldn't take it anymore.

I would also encourage you to further discuss this with her peditrician...perhaps there is something else medically they could do to help her. Even forms of hypnosis may be helpful. I wish you the best of luck. Screamers are always stressful and no matter how much the experts tell us we can hold out longer than the kids, I sometimes wonder if they have EVER gone through some of the things we have! LOL.

Have a consistent bedtime routine and then I would start by sitting with your daughter in her room until she falls asleep and then each night move closer and closer to the door and then eventually she will be able to go to sleep on her own. Be firm and consistent, continue to put her back in her bead when she get's out and don't interact. But make sure and let her know that you will still be there for her if she needs you even in the middle of the night. If you need to at first you could have a baby monitor in her room so she knows if she calls out for you at night you will be sure to hear her. Good luck!

Wow, I bet you are frustrated beyond tears! No one wants to "lock" their child in their room. I have held the door shut on my kids a time or two. Letting the child know that you are doing it helps too, so they won't get scared. Also, another method (this was being discussed in another thread) try using melatonin. You can get it in a liquid form for smaller children. It is a natural sleep agent that your body produces. Also, try cutting out some of her naps. She may not even be tired. If she is tired,s he will be more willing to go to bed. Also, routine helps- bathtime, story, bed.
Hang in there, you WILL figure it out!

M. Hazen
Enhancing Lives One Family At A Time!
www.StayingAtHomeWithMyKids.com

Please call your Local SRS (Child Protective Services) before you do this method. In some locations, a report of a reverse lock on the child's bedroom door can warrant an investigation.

E.,
I don't really know what the situation is, but I have issues with my daughters sleep as well, she is 4 and still sleeping in the bed with her Father and I. We are not happy with this, but for right now there is no other option because we don't consider the upstairs a safe place to sleep. This reverse lock sounds very extreme, cruel, and like it would be very traumatizing. I can still remember things from when I was 3. What if she has to go potty? What if there is a fire? This just seems like a horrible idea to me, but I don't know all the circumstances. Good luck with whatever you decide.
M.