Is SuperNanny Method of Putting Toddler to Bed Infuriating or Is It me?Need Help

I do the same thing as Julie B. I tell my 3 1/2 year old that as long as he keeps his door shut and is quiet he can read or play and he has to get back in bed to sleep. It has been so much easier at night and everyone goes to bed so much happier.

Go back to cribs. They're too young to understand to stay in bed. Crib til 3 or til they climb out!

I can't say much. My son is 2 and he still sleeps in a crb. But I Do want to say YOU ARE NOT CRAZY to not want to hit the kids.

Honey, don't let those 2 year olds get the best of you. You are way smarter than they are. What do they like the most. Do they have a favorite blanket? Are there favorite toys? Tell them they can only have these favorite items if they stay in bed.

In my house banana bread is golden. Every once an awhile I make banana bread and don't tell anyone in advance. I only hand it out to the kids that are doing the desired behavior. You never know when banana bread will be made, so you better always behave.

Shorten their nap a bit so that they are exhausted. Run them ragged during the day so they don't have the energy during the evening to cause so much trouble.

I am also not beneath spanking.

Don't let them bully you! You can do it!

I'm not to this point yet, as my son is only 10-months-old but my sister and BIL have a system that I hope works for me someday. I at least plan on trying! They set a timer while he is playing downstairs as kind of like a warning it's almost bedtime. I think for like 15 mins or so ... they say "Ok, once the timer goes off it's time for bed." So he is already thinking its almost time for bed and he has 15 minutes left to play downstairs . Then it beeps once (at the one minute mark) and he knows there is one minute left and he goes to brush his teeth and put on his PJs. Then they have a story and leave on a little light and he gets a coloring book or a book to color/read in his bed til he falls alseep. The first time I saw them do it I was shocked at how well it worked. At the one minute beep he immediately jumped up and went and started to go to the bathroom and get ready and brush his teeth and get ready for bed. No, after the story he didn't immediately go to sleep right away but he was content in his room coloring or reading until he fell asleep. I think maybe when I was there with them for a week he may have come out of his room one time because he was "thirsty." He is four now but they have been doing it this way for as long as I can remember. The first time I saw them do it was last year when he was barely three. Good luck to you!! I hope you find something that works for your little ones!

Why did you move them to a bed so early? If possible, I would switch them back for at least another year. My kids were between 3 and 4 when they switched to a bed (also makes for easier changing out of diapers/pullups at night, less worry about accidents in a mattress). It sounds like they have been in beds for about 41/2 months and you have tried several things, that tells me that you haven't consistently tried any other method for longer than a few nights or perhaps a week, not long enough to know if something will work. I personally like the supernanny method, it does take some time, but I am not going to suggest that unless you are comitted to trying it for at least 2 weeks. Honestly though, what have you got to lose?? What doesn't your husband like about a gate? Since he is the one against it, he should be the one getting up and going to their room. Is there a gate at the top of the stairs? Since they are upstairs and you are down, that would make me nervous in the night that they might fall down the stairs or get into something and you wouldn't hear them. You cannot continue having one of you lay down with them to fall asleep, you will eventually yell at them or fight about it, you need quality time with your husband and a good nights sleep. I am not a fan of spanking either, especially for a sleep issue. But you have to get tough and help them to fall asleep without you being in the room.

I am not sure what is the Super Nanny method (we don't have TV) and I don't have twins. My son was in his toddler bed when he was 20 months (we needed the crib for his baby sister born when he was 23 months)
We moved cross country when he was about 2 1/2 and my parents took care of him during the moving. He was over 2 weeks with them. And got used to sleep in their room.
In our new place, he just refused to stay in his bed at night. He would cry or sneak out and in our bed. At the end, we locked his door. The first night, he cried for over 15 minutes (which, as you know seem like 3 hours or more!) and I was also crying on the other side of the door!. He felt asleep on the floor next to the door.
The second night, he tried to open and realized it was again locked. He whined a little and felt asleep on the floor again. Same for the 3rd and 4th nights. The fifth night, he stayed in his bed, happily and we made a big deal of it the next morning with hugs and congratulations. After that, no problem and we stopped locking the door after 2 weeks.
I am not sure how this would work for you. For me, the first night and crying was a nightmare. I've always been against the crying it out and had the feeling to fail him. I wanted to get in and let him out but I'm glad I didn't as we both won good nights of solid sleep.
Good luck!

The gate at the door saved my life! I did not have to go in their room. When i would hear them, i would say "back in bed". They would fall asleep in front of the gate for about a week. After that they knew that mommy was not coming in and they would sleep in their bed. My suggestion is to childproof the room and put up a gate. If your husband is that against one, then he can put them back to bed everynight...lol!

I hope you get some sleep soon!

If your husband doesn't want a gate at the door, I would make dealing with them after your initial putting them to bed his entire responsibility! When our 4 year old doesn't want to go to bed (and we started this around 2.5 years) we tell him that he doesn't have to go to sleep, but he must be quiet and stay in his room. We try to get him to just look at books or play with his Tag learning system in bed, but he's allowed to play with toys as long as that door is closed and he's quiet (he usually goes to sleep pretty quickly anyway -but sometimes likes to push it)! We've found him passed out in the floor by toys on a few occasions, but he usually is in bed. Sometimes it takes up to three "interventions" but they are usually short and nothing crazy. Once in awhile we do go through a full meltdown or a short phase of meltdowns at bedtime.

Do you have a definite bedtime ritual (bath, teeth brushing, pjs, storytime)? That can help get kids in the mindframe for bed. We always have a storytime after putting on pjs and doing all the bathroom stuff. Sorry if this is repetitive -I have no idea what Supernanny's method is.

What time do the twins go to bed? We have always instituted an early bedtime at our house so we would have some alone time and just "us" time in the evening. Our children 4 and 20 months are down by 8:30 pm. That way, even if we have a few hiccups, we usually still have a few hours!

And yes -as another poster said -WEAR THEM OUT every day. Make sure they get tons of physical activity and are exhausted by the evening. It may make for some meltdowns, but they'll go to sleep faster!

We used the supernanny method and it worked for us, but every child/parent is different. Did you do it consistently for several nights? It took like 3-4 nights for him to learn that even though he is able to get out of bed, he cannot get out of bed!

I agree that doing a gate at the door, or closing their door and getting one of those kid proof door knob thingys might work. As I mentioned, our son is really good at night time, but sometimes for nap he hangs out in his room for 15 mins playing then he will put himself into his bed when he is tired. He doesn't have the option to come out as I close his door.

Good luck mama, sleep issues are so frustrating!

I can understand your husband not wanting to gate their room if you are downstairs. Is there a room upstairs you and your hubby could sleep in temporarily. I think you probably just need to gate them in long enough to make them understand that getting out of bed will not get them extra attention- maybe a week or two if you are consistent about not letting them out. I think if you put a gate up and let them have a few fits- reasuriing them every so often that you were still there but they cannot come out because it is bedtime. Then you'd need to seriously reward them for a job well done when they stay in their room all night with no fits. Sleep issues are SO hard- I can say that this will pass but I imagine with twins it has to be extra hard. Good luck!

Try spending less and less time with them in the room each night. ( or every other night.. or even once a week) Tell them when you first go in there " I will read you 1 story and stay in here for 30 minutes".. Let them know that you are still around if they need you, but they need to be big kids. I have heard little rewards (stickers or 99 cent toys) can help a lot. Prasie them like crazy when they do better.. it will show them how fun it is to be a big kid! Once they start to get the hang of it, it will all become routine!

They know they are in control. Don't let them be. Baby gate, locked door, supernanny method without any words (yelling is OK, don't feel bad, we all do it, it's bound to happen), ignoring them, letting them cry it out. They are old enough to know better and it's probably a game to them. Don't be a player in their game. It took us almost a year to get my daughter to stay in her room at bedtime, it was miserable. We stopped counting one night at 63 with the supernanny method. 63!!!! At that point it was funny because delirium had set in :) Good luck to you, it sucks :)

This is maddening - I've been there with my now 3.5 year old. We finally set up a reward chart - if she went to be alone and w/o getting us (except potty ONCE) she would get a sticker. So many stickers was a reward. She's older, but I still think reward and incentive is the way to go vs. punishment. Hang in there... for what it's worth - I could never gate the door....

Get this book and read it twice. My cousin was a co-author. Saved my life and the life of my friend with twins. My kids are Olympic sleepers and have been since 12 weeks. Good luck. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", Marc Weissbluth.

Since they're twins, maybe let them sleep together in a bigger bed.

I understand your pain. And I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. When my son was around 1 1/2 I started then SuperNanny Method. It took a long time but I feel like we definitely made progress. Some nights were just better than others. By the time he was 2 1/2, I was pregnant with my second and very sick so my husband had to take over the bedtime routine. He found this method very frustrating on the "bad nights" and made the decision that it was easier to just lay down with him until he went to sleep. Now my son will be four in August. He still won't go to sleep on his own and if he wakes up alone during the night, he freaks out. So, my husband sleeps in his bed with him every night. In the long run, I find this far more frustrating than if we had just stuck with the SuperNanny method. As far as gates at the door and spanking, those methods just don't feel right for my family. I'd prefer to have my children think of their room as a safe place that they feel comfortable going in.... not a place where they feel punished or trapped. Good luck, mama. I hope we both find something that works for our families!

I let both of my kids cry it out. For my son it took 2 nights, for my daughter it took 3, after that, which did suck during those nights, me and my husband got our nights back! If having peaceful bedtimes by the end of the week sounds good to you, try it!! Do NOT go in there though, no matter how long they've been crying. The first night, they may cry 2 hours or even longer because they know that crying used to be what got you in their room, so they're going to assume that if they do it long enough, you'll come in. When you don't, they'll cry themselves to sleep, and the following nights, they will cry for shorter periods of time until they barely cry, if at all, before going to sleep. I even let my daughter throw up while she was learning. I don't care how people perceive that because guess what? She stopped crying altogether after 3 night, and after a quick 5-10 minute bedtime, my husband and I got time alone together again! Which in turn made me a much happier person/wife/mom. On the nights she threw up, I just went in after she fell asleep and cleaned up.

this suggestion isn't something i've tried but a girlfriend has and it works. she had her husband agreed to turn the dook knob around so you can lock their daughter in. I recall about after a week or so, they stopped getting out of bed b/c she didn't think she could get out and it was done.
i realize this is a tough one, and you're already exhausted but it may be worth a try.

K. w.

My twins were that age when they started climbing out of their cribs and making our previously smooth bedtime a hassle. We got cribtents and I will swear by them forever. Because of them, we got another year out of the crib without the boys climbing out!!

We just make a big deal about them getting "tents" like big boys do when camping. It only took a couple days for them to adjust then it was no big deal at all.

They're not cheap but boy are they worth it.

J.

My only thought is that, in one way or another, they need boundary and structure. They need to understand that they are NOT ALLOWED to get out of bed 100 times and leave the room. If you set the clear boundary and stick to it, they'll learn. How you do that is another story. Probably the subject of another post! Rewards vs. punishement, spanking vs. time-out, gate vs. no gate etc. You need to do it in a way that you feel comfortable with and that your hubby and you agree on so you'll both stick to it.

Hope you find some helpful info in all these posts. Good luck!

I transitioned my daughter to a toddler bed when we moved into a new house. She was 2.5 years old. She would come out of her room for everything from having to go to the potty to checking to see if I was brushing my teeth before bed! Some evenings she would get out 12 + times. I decided to try the Ferber Method (google it) and came up with the idea of a "magic" door! The door would know when she had just gone to the potty before getting into bed and would "lock" if she tried to leave her room before going to sleep. The first night she took about 40 minutes to go to sleep, but I thought that was better than three+ hours! Within four days she was staying in bed and it worked for nap time too! God luck!

I put a child safety thing on the doorknob! Even though they couldn't get out of their rooms at night (I had a monitor on in there) they were fine playing in there during the day. They NEEDED that boundary and night times got much better.

Now the problem ones are 7 and 5 and I can't do that anymore and they keep coming out. It drives me nuts so I'm going to have to start trying some new things.

I posted up here several times with the same problem and received great advice. Our son stayed in his crib until he was 3. Once he climbed out on his own, we switched him to a toddler bed. I have to tell you, it took us almost a year to get him to sleep in his own bed overnight. He would sneak in and sleep on the floor and it drove me nuts! His doctor told us he would eventually get tired of it and sleep in his own bed. We gave up and let him sleep on the floor and sure enough, he started staying in his room. We moved upstairs with him when he went into the crib because I just don't feel safe with him upstairs and us down. I miss our master bedroom, but the peace of mind is well worth it. Have you considered moving to the same level?

I do not know what to tell you if your husband is strongly against a gate. That is what we used when we transitioned our boys at 16 months. The first few nights they fell asleep all over the room, and we would put them in the beds to wake up in. They got it after a week and started falling asleep in the beds. But I fear this method would not work with out the gate. Best of luck.

I can tell you first that whatever you are going to do, do not get into a pattern that you don't want when they are 7. Seriously. My son never figured out how to self soothe, and so I resorted to letting him fall asleep after bf. Then in the swing, then I would rock him to sleep, etc. Once he learned how to climb out of the crib, we converted to the toddler bed. He woulnd't stay in the bed, so then I tried the gate to keep him in his room. Worked for a while, but then he learned how to climb the gate and would wander all over the house while we were asleep. Then I'd go lay down with him, or on the floor beside him on his old crib mattress until he fell asleep. After months of that, I decided enough was enough and we resorted to locking him in the room. He would throw every single thing he could get his hands on, and climb all over the furniture. One night he cried himself to sleep after about 2 1/2 hours, and when I peeked in on him, the room was a disaster and he was asleep up on his changing table. To this day, and he is now 7, he falls asleep in the living room, my husband's office, pretty much anywhere except his bedroom, and then we walk him to his bed when he's half asleep or I carry him if my back is up to it. My point is, some children never learn a good sleep pattern and you must prepare yourself for that possibility. However, most will learn if you pick a way and be consistent. I personally don't have the patience for the super nanny method, so I'd go for the cry it out. Don't know why your hubby doesn't want to try the gate, it will keep them safe while you aren't there, at least until they can climb it. Explain to them in simple terms what the new bedtime routine will be (dinner, bath, books, song, bed, whatever you choose), tell them it will start tomorrow night, and when the bed part comes, they will be in their beds, you will close the gate/door and that is it until morning. Stick with it if you choose to let them cry it out and don't feel guilty, it will not hurt them!! They are old enough to understand the routine if you explain it simply, and do not ever deviate from it at all, for any reason whatsoever. I also like the idea of letting them sleep in the same bed, if you think they will comfort each other. It may help with the transition. God bless!

At age 2 1/2 they are old enough to understand that bedtime is bedtime. It will be hard to break the habit they are in but you must for the good of all. Tell them firmly but kindly that there will be no more night activity. They must stay in their beds and you will stay in yours. Buy ear plugs and let them cry it out. Probably after a few nights they will know you mean business and give it up.
AF