Repair My Relationship with My Daughter

My first question is did she know you were splitting up for those 3 years and lived with the two of you in that time? If so, she's got a lot of baggage she needs to unload. Talk to your ex and see if there is someone your daughter can talk things out with. Not him and not you. My first step would be the school psychologist. The three of you could meet together and then she can go on her own.
If she didn't know you were splitting up for those 3 years and then you waited until after the exams to spring it on her, I'd say that wasn't your best option. Depending on the way she found out, she may feel the whole thing is your fault and as a result is punishing you by excluding you.
The other thing is, what is your ex saying about you to her? Hopefully he's an honest person and accepts half the blame for the break-up. If this is the case, at some point she will come to you. You're only job in this case is to keep the door open, and to make sure she knows it is. How to do this? I'd make sure there's a card in the mail for every holiday. I'd be there for every sporting event or other performance. I'd make sure she knows that your are also there financially for her when she needs it for prom, camp, college or setting up her first apartment, etc. Don't push money on her because that will get misconstrued. But as long as she knows you still take your parenting responsibility seriously, that's enough. She will come to you when she's ready.
K.

The sooner you can let go of blaming your ex and take responsibility for hurting your daughter's feelings the sooner she will be able to forgive you for abandoning her. Anger on all sides is what is keeping you separated. When you can let go of the negative energy of anger and sincerely ask your daughter's forgiveness she will begin to feel it's safe to show you love again. A good counselor will help you let go of anger toward both your ex and daughter. You will accomplish this more quickly if your therapist is expert in Emotional Freedom Techniques. Focus on your true goal. You want to love her and under her hurt, angry feelings she wants to love you back.

Hard to read. I take it your ex has full custody of your daughter. That you didn't want her on the weekends, but took her anyway because you didn't want to lose her. But, you argued and in the heat of the moment, you left your daughter at your house and you wonder why she can't get past that? Don't you think she could sense your resentment? Plus, you added the burden of "staying together" because of her! Talk about a guilt trip. I have no idea what your ex is saying to her, but she's probably getting it from both ends. Cut the kid some slack.

I say keep up with the letters of apology, cards and gifts since it doesn't seem like she is returning them. But she needs to come to you. It sounds like you hurt her badly (not your intention, I'm sure) and she needs time to heal.

This is going to be a difficult road, I have been down it with my oldest daughter. She feels protective of her father from some kind of belief system. What has worked for me and I am still working on is to call her or text her at least once a day, it lets them know you are thinking about them everyday, this is important to teenagers. She sees her father everyday so she needs to know you are thinking of her even if she doesn't respond!! It is breaking down the wall little by little. Then when she does respond, ask her to breakfast or lunch and let her pick her favorite place. Make it just the two of you and don't push the conversation, sometimes it is best to just listen, even if the things she says are not what you want to hear:)
Best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers!

Hi J., I truly smphathize with your situation. I believe your daughter loves you, yet it sounds like she is a daddy's girl and unfortunately, at this point in her life, she believes to an extent, what her father is saying. I have a similiar situation and my advice would be, to continue showing her in any way possible that you love her (it does not always mean through materialistic means), and leave room to for conversations with her. She will mature and realize that people say things (not necessarily true) to win/get another's allegience. Take Care, I hope everything works out.