Seeking a New Christmas Tradition After Family Loss

Christmas morning we head down to City hall and sere a banquet to the homeless with Bigheart Ministries. Growing up, my girl scout troop (led by my mom) would bale up to 80 dozen cookies, package th 4 to a bag, then on Christmas Eve deliver them on the Air Force base to anyone working in the hospital, fire stations, and police stations. When we were older and didn't have the troop to help, my sister and I would still bake a few dozen for the local police sation. The key was to deliver th ON Chraotmas Eve whenoat people get to be home with family and you are taking that time to serve the folks serving you away fr their own family.

When my Grandma was near passing we had Hospice come in and help. They truely were a Godsent! 3 monthes later my Grandpa passed away, even though Hospice wasn't involved with my Grandpa the ones that worked with Grandma all came by to say thier blessings to the family on our loss of him. So now the family takes the money that we would have spent on gifts for Grandma and Grandpa puts it together and donates it to the Hospice Center that was there for us, in my Grandparents name. We also have two candles lit while we are together as a family that representing them. Even though they are not with us... we can still the the "light" of thier love.

Maybe you can do something similar and donate it to Leukemia Research in your sisters name.
Sorry for you loss

Maybe you can each bring a new ornament that signifies or reminds you of your sister. You can each sit around the tree, play Christmas music, and each say something nice about your family member you have lost and hang the ornament. Or maybe light a candle in her memory, you can have a candleabra and each light one and say a prayer.

sorry for your loss.

I love the ideas of the giving trees, or anything to honor your sister. When my father passed away (it has been 14 years) we decided to light a candle on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. We keep it lit while we eat or for however long we like...just as a symbol of him.

The first holidays are so hard but remembering your loved one in some way really helps.

Good luck and God bless,
Z.

My best friend's older brother died very suddenly nearly 7 years ago. Christmas time is far too painful for them to stay home, as there are too many memories and it is quite apparent that he is not there. What they have done is decided to go on a family vacation every Christmas time. Yes, they still talk about him while on the vacation, but my friend told me that it has really helped them deal with the tough holiday season.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry about your sister. My siblings and I are very close also and losing one of us would be very traumatic as well.

I suggest whatever you decide to do for Christmas, whether it be the same old thing, or a whole new thing, you will STILL all feel the loss of the missing sister. You may for years and years or forever.

So maybe you could think of it this way. How do you think SHE'D like you all to spend Christmas? There's no doubt it will be difficult. Still, it's part of the healing process for you and your family to mourn together. Maybe doing it HER way will help you all through it.

Best to you!

:)

I really like Malia's answer about the Angle tree, doing something like that in your sisters honor. A way to help the family do something tangible and it will also do so much for someone else!

Can you come up with a way to honor her together, like volunteering for something close to Christmas? That would add a new tradition, and be something good for the community, also.

Or....have everyone buy gifts for a local "Angel Tree" (or whatever kind of gift program you may have in your area) as a way to honor her.... everyone could take a picture or two of the items they bought for their child recipient, and share them at your Christmas gathering!

Sigh, my heart jumped out of me when I read your post. I'm so sorry, and I'm sure losing her suddenly made it even tougher to deal with. Did she have a favorite dessert or dish that you can put a tiny picture of her by saying "Amy's Favorite" (Amy = your sisters name).

We don't do anything extraordinary as a family...just gathering is special :)

Our family has instituted some wonderful new traditions which involve servicing others. After my closest cousin passed away we started having Thanksgiving Dinner at the church and opening the church up to the community. What I love best about this is there is always enough seating, I don't have to cook it all, there is such a variety of food, there are no arguments over which game to watch, and there are very few dishes to do, and you get to take food home with you when all is done. It is the best.

For Christmas we usually give out presents to homeless shelters, hospitals, and nursing homes or make homemade ornaments to give to people.

What ever your family decides to do enjoy your holiday and the good memories. We will be doing that this year too. We lost my mom and she was our rock. She is missed but not forgotten. We have so many wonderful memories.

We do the Angel Tree and I pick kids that are close to my kids' current ages. Maybe pick out someone (they put Moms and Dads on the tree, too) that reminds you of your sister in some way.

We also go to the candlelight service at the church on Christmas Eve and try to see the local lights at the public gardens before Christmas, or at least before NYE.

If the aim is to honor your sister......I like Rebeccas idea of donating money to the institution of caregivers that were there for her or a gift donation to Leukemia research in your sisters name. Since so many young children are stricken with the disease, you could visit the cancer wing of a childrens hospital and deliver toys.
If the aim is to get a small break in the grief and just enjoy each other without that heavy weight on you....I like Queenofthecastles idea of going on a vacation.
I lost my mom and on the 1st Christmas we didn't even get together. It was too hard and my mom wasnt around to organize it so everybody just stayed home with thier own family. The next year I insisted. So now we make all the same foods she used to make and sit around retelling funny stories about her. It's not a planned thing, just spontatneously happens. We also go take poinsettas to her grave site. Once my borther put up a little tree. Its goofy, but it made us feel better.

We play Balderdash. It is a wonderful game for a bunch of people, lots of laughing, especially if you have someone in the group who has a wild side to his/her personality (my daughter). Our game attracted friends of our grandson as well, so now they join us every year. It's usually Christmas night or the night after if it's a long weekend. Perhaps you can think of some other game you like, but it needs to be something that is fun and funny and causes everyone to laugh a lot.

I am sorry for your loss. It is difficult no matter when it happens, but it does seem a little more difficult as the Holidays approach. I had a miscarriage at Christmas 10 years ago. I still think of my special angel every year, but that first year was very hard. My mother reminded me that I had another child and was still alive. I needed that little reminder. It seemed harsh at the time, but later I was very greatful. We buy a gift off an angel tree every year in the memory of our child.
We also loss my father-in-law and brother-in-law in October and November 5 years ago. My mother-in-law passed away in November 16 years ago. We try to honor and remember them by spending time together. Talking about them and doing some of their favorite things at the holidays.
I will be praying for you and your family. I pray that yall find peace and comfort as the holidays approach.

We go visit the elderly in a convalescent home and sing carols Christmas day and distribute candy canes. You can call the week before to make sure they're ready for you, and get the names and room numbers of some patients that they know won't get visitors on Christmas. We've invited friends with small children to participate with us and all have said what an enjoyable and wonderful experience it is.

I've found that serving others is the best way to over come my own grief.