Relationship Advice - Potomac,MD

For everybody it's differant. For my husband, he wants to talk about work. All I have to do is pet him a little. He likes to hear poor baby and I'm so proud of you. He likes when I ask questions. That's when he feels the closest to me because he knows I'm listening and valuing him.
I don't like to talk about work at all. I want him to rub my feet or my back. Or just put his arms around me and watch a sitcom. If he gets a bottle of lotion and comes to sit down next to me, I instatnly feel loved and that he is making an effort to connect.
Where the problem comes in is figuring that out. In the beginning he would ask me about work and I had nothing to say, so he gave up and felt rejected. I would get a bottle of lotion and rub his back and he didn't respond the way I wanted so I gave up and felt rejected. We were giving each other what we wanted.
People usually give what they want to get. So, what does your husband do for you when he's trying? That's probably the thing he wishes you would do for him.

2 laptops so you can snuggle next to each other in bed while he surfs and you watch a movie. And maybe since you'd both already be in bed, something interesting might happen occasionally? ; )

Why not do the "human knot" and then go do your separate activities? Initiate the intimacy with him...it will surprise him and I think he will reciprocate with doing something you would like to do. Sometimes we push our husbands away and they revert to vegging out on the computer and we wonder why they don't want to simply snuggle and talk for hours on end. I don't see why being stressed and tired should keep you from bonding in that way. I find it is the best way to relieve stress, bond together and it is great at lifting the mood. I think you will find that your husband will be less" insensitive" and "brusque" and you will feel less" needy" if you are being intimate more often and not going to separate areas in the house to unwind and relax.

Sometimes when my husband is watching a soccer game I will sit next to him and watch or read a book.(soccer bores me to death..but it is important to him) Sometimes when he needs to be on the computer then I will get my computer and we work side by side. Then he will come snuggle with me when I am reading or will read next to me..or he will help me with a project I am working on. I don't think he really "wants" to do those activities but he wants to be close to me and support me. I personally make sure that we are intimate multiple times throughout the week...it should not just be the man's responsibility to initiate ...or in most cases beg and badger.

Find ways to do things he likes to do whether you like to or not....I think it will make you feel closer to him. I find it interesting that you aren't looking to compromise in the moment...sounds like you to have become very distant from each other.

Good luck and best wishes at finding ways to connect with your hubby!

i get this with my husband to. he plays a computer game at night to unwind, i read. not very conducive to snuggling.
i dont push for this every night, (maybe 2-3 a week, so we get both our personal unwind time and our together unwind time) but i have found that getting a movie (rather than tv show he may or may not like. plus tv has commercials in which his attention may wander...) that i know he will like on netflix a few times a week gives us an excuse to snuggle after baby is in bed.

Get a tv in the room with the computer so you two can both be doing your thing in the same room at least. My husband are that way and while we are both into different things, tv, video games, Internet, we are in the same room so we can converse and comment to each other, and when we make eye contact or pass by give a little kiss, wink, smile to each other.

Our kids are all in their rooms at 8pm so hubby and I have the rest of the night to ourselves. We will either watch tv together or since we both have laptops, we can sit next to each other while we are online. Sometimes we have work to do or if he's watching a game, I can be on my laptop or read or whatever. So maybe you guys can do something like that. Just try to be together, it doesn't matter what you are doing. We sit on the love seat next to each other so we can touch, hold hands and kiss. I hope you find something that works out for both of you...good luck!

Patricia G had an excellent answer....

only other thought would be a bath/shower together.