Racial Harassment!?!

I have a biracial kid too, and in my point of you the punishment was not at all fair (they are in 4th grade not in kindergarden anymore), a sorry letter should only be a first step.
What about this "investigation", didn't the teacher say or do anything at that time?
What did the school director say?

4th graders should know better

Hard to know if it is a fair punishment without knowing the whole situation, we have one side. If I were you I would talk to the principal and the teacher and let them know your concerns. (I would be concerned) If you are not happy with their answers then take it up through the ranks in the school district.

This isn't what you asked, but I would love to see you write a letter to the editor of the newspaper outlining what occurred, and then call the principal and superintendent to let them know that you will be faxing over a copy of that letter for them to see so they can understand your position. I am SURE they don't want that kind of media attention on their district, and my hunch is they suddenly might be a bit less dismissive of you.

Also, while I understand you don't feel you can go higher than the superintendent, you don't necessarily have to go higher, you just have to be persistent. In response to the offer to let them know what else they can do to educate, etc, etc., I would be very specific that you would like a face to face meeting involving the parents of the offenders, you, the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent. (They probably won't like this either.) Your next suggestion for them would be a school-wide assembly where racial sensitivity (and for that matter any other type of prejudice) experts will address the students and perhaps suggest a curriculum or some exercises that can be done by teachers to help sensitize the students; this is exactly what would be done in a business if there were a complaint about sexual harassment, for example.

And then just ride their asses till you get the level of response you are satisfied with! It's not that you necessarily think those things (letter to editor, meeting, assembly) are the magic fix, it's that by asking specifically for them, you will force their hand and make them realize you are a squeaky wheel who isn't going to just go away. Don't let this slide! It might be uncomfortable, but put those kids' parents on the hot seat; make them look you in the eye and try to explain what their kids did.

I would just hate to see you let them brush this under the rug. Be a pest, and make it clear you will tell your story to whoever will listen. You might even let slide during one of the repeated phone calls I hope you pester them with that "in the internet moms' community where you posted your story, people said...," just to let them know you are spreading the word.

In my opinion, you are absolutely right to be disappointed not only in what happened, but in the paltry response it generated (I would also stay after the school about when you will be receiving those apology letters). I hope you find the strength to follow this through--teaching your kids self-respect is wonderful, too, but put the school on the hot seat! Not that this is what the real issue is, but reframe this in your head as a public relations nightmare they will want to avoid.

Just my two cents. Good luck!

1st- My child WILL no better than to say those things!
I knew better than to say those things. I did have some racist people in my family growing up but my mom wasnt and she taught me right from wrong. As a matter of fact in like 1st and 2nd grade, my best friend was black. Even though I had heard some racist things in my life, that didnt mean I thought it was right!
2nd- I can just imagine how you feel. These kids do sound like little jerks, but if they dont have someone in their lives teaching them and telling them this is wrong, it will keep up. Back if that would have happened at my school, I dont even want to know what the punishment would have been. I had to write apology letters to kids if I told them to shut up.
I think the teachers need to make a phone call to the moms and let them know their children are openly racist at school. I do think more needs to happen than just an "Im sorry" letter.
I know you are probably taking this very personally right now, and I probably would too, but being an outsider looking at it....its either 1- these kids parents are just as ignorant as they are, or these kids are just BRATS.

Im sorry, and just know that MY kids wont be saying stufff like that!

Hi R.-
That is absolutely horrible! We have a 2 y/o AA son that we adopted (we are both white) so we are especially sensitive to this also. We haven't had any issues but I know we will and I'm trying to prepare us and him for it. I don't know about the 4th graders knowing better, however my husband plays lots of XBox online and has witnessed lots of what he supposes are mostly white teenagers who liberally use the n-word, at which point he logs off in disgust. My guess is it's less these kids than their parents - maybe the parents should take some diversity training? It's sad because even at my son's age, the little kids don't even seem to notice race differences, but once they get a little older, they learn, and it's not necessarily good. Don't know what to tell you, I doubt there's much you can do to punish them and change their minds, so my guess is we just have to teach our kids how to better deal with it. Sadly, if your son had punched them out for saying that, he'd probably be the one in trouble! Anyhow, take it easy, best of luck, and let us know what happens!

That is upsetting to hear. My daughter is both black and white as well, but looks hispanic. She is in pre-school and is just beginning to learn about being picked on. I am not sure how she sees herself yet. She refers to herself as being brown. She plays with all children, doesn't really matter to her. I am sure that will likely change as she gets older, but I hope that she remains open to friendships from everyone.

Kids do find a way to pick on other kids by saying whatever. A 4th grader, I would say they know what they are saying, but may not really understand it. They just know that it is a way to pick on someone and not really know how or why it hurts people. More than likely are mimicking it from hearing it from somewhere else. It usually originates from tv or parents and then the child takes it to school and through talk and play, it spreads to other children.

The disciplining should be consistent, but age appropriate. There definitely should be a punishment and then it should be used as an educational example so that these children understand how this was wrong.

R.,
I have 2 daughters with special needs and my neighbors are just as bad as those boys were, except these are ADULTS!! We don't talk to them or even acknowledge them and what do they do...they call the police and tell them we are throwing eggs at their property because we are mad at them and they don't know why.

Anyways, I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Be strong and be proud of your son too. I am wondering what special olympics he helps with? Has he ever been to the Worlds Largest Truck Convoy for special olypmics? He should do that too, as it's fun. Hey he can also ride in my husbands semi too if he wants and you will let him. My daughters are in special olympics so was curious if we have ever met him.

Oh I'm in Fort Zumwalt too and the school we attend is awesome.

J.

I am going to address an opinion you stated concerning attendance in a black school - I grew up in a black neighborhood (I am of hispanic descent) and I was the local "honky". I heard all the taunts and guess what...it's no different then what is done in a white school. That being said...

I am rather appalled at the response from the school system. Perhaps a visit with an attorney is in order since this did infringe on your son's civil rights.