Question About Visitation

I know it sounds harsh and unfair to your son but being a parent in a very blended household the only advice I can give you is stick to your guns. If he shows up and says hey I want to see my son today and you have plans politely tell him that because he didn't call in advance you already ahve plans and he can't see him, if he's any kind of father at all it'll teach him to call. The same thing goes for if he is telling your sonhe will see him on said day and then him not showing up obviously this is upsetting to your little boy so calmly explain that if he tells you son he wil be tehre then he will be tehre or he won't get to see him. After all your son is what is important here. good luck.

Hey hon, I would put my foot down if I were u ... and let him know if he doesnt call u so much in advance not to even call. He is just takin advantage of you and knows u will always give in. I would seriously try to put ur foot down and figure out how much in advance you would like and tell him from now on if he doesnt give u that in advance ur not giving in anymore. U should not have to rearrange your schedule for him... I would stop it right away before it gets worse.

Since he doesn't come around too often, just let him see your son. I am sure it's irritating, but the worse thing to do would be to have your son know he is planning on coming, but you won't let him to see him. It will only come back on you. Someone else said something wonderful, don't tell your son in case he doesn't show. If his visits are infrequent, just go ahead and let him see him. It doesn't sound like he spends much time with him even when he does come, so just go with it. It may inconvience you, but just do what you feel will make your son happy. When he is older, he will figure out on his own the kind of father he is.

I would be completely irritated as well, and you have every right to be. BUT, what it really comes down to is what is best for your son, and unless you have reasons for it not to be, that is most likely seeing his father whenever possible, since you mentioned he hardly gets to see him. How would he feel if he knew his dad was in town but he was not going to get to see him? His father should have more respect for you, but it looks like you are going to have to be the one to put your son’s best interests first and deal with his lack of responsibility. Maybe you should try asking his girlfriend to help inform you of when they are coming, point out the activates you have to rearrange that directly effect your son, maybe she will show more responsibility than he has.

My response to your situation is to follow your own thoughts and feelings. Trust in God and know that your son is just that....your SON. My son is 12 and his father stopped seeing him when we split up 4 years ago. He pays his support but still has nothing to do with him in any way. I encourage my son to continue being himself and recognize where his real love comes from. These kids get older and realize who has contributed time, money, love, patience, understanding and everything else. When he calls to state that he wants to see his son just tell him to let you know but not at your inconvenience. You are still his mom and you have total control over whether he will or he won't see him. You and your fiance continue to plan your life together and include your son as the center point of your happiness and let God take care of the rest.

It sounds like your ex has some control issues. He wants to have control over you and your son, that is why he doesn't give you any notice. If you have plans, tell him. You can't change plans for him, but if you aren't doing anything, then let him go. If you know that the dad makes a habit of not showing up when he says he will, then I would not tell your son he is going until dad gets there. That way, if he doesn't show up, your son isn't disappointed. Make plans that require you to be somewhere 30 minutes after the time that your ex is supposed to meet with your son (even if it is just walking around the mall). Let him know that he can't control you by making you wait for him either. Good Luck.

What is your son's father doing the rest of the time he is in town if he's not spending the whole time with your son? Does he have other motives for coming to town besides seeing his son? I would put that into perspective also. It would seem that he is coming into town to have his own fun and see your son when it's convienient for HIM. If this is the case, I would cut him off from seeing his son until he can become a little more responsible. You obviously have a WONDERFUL fiancee that probably doesn't compare to your ex. If your son needs a male influence, you have one right in front of you. You don't need someone breaking your son's heart everytime he comes around, when he comes around. If I were you, I would definitely set some no-nonsense rules for your ex. If he REALLY wants to see him, he'll follow those rules.
Good luck!

Set rules with him. I think I would have a talk with your son, tell him that you are thinking of talking with his father and setting some limits so it will not tie both youself and son down and tell your son what he thinks, if it is fair and see what he may suggest also.
Since both of you are part of this, I think both minds together can sort out some reasonable solution to present your ex with.
Then tell your ex that you and your son agreed to set these expectations to have a visit.That this is the way it will be.

Some suggestions may be to call 2 days before he expects to be there.
That it will be within the hour set and not wait any longer so you don't have to wait til 3pm when he said he will be there at 1pm. If hes not there at 2pm, then leave, go have some fun doing something.
But i think if your son was aware of the limits and reasons why you plan to make them, will help him better understand and agree, you may even have some light shed on a similar solution by what your son says.
They are pretty smart at age 7, even if they are young, and can help in a way to put it to suit everyones best interest.

Tell your ex how you feel. Tell him it is not fair to your son. He is probably doing this just to mess with you. Tell him it doesn't hurt YOUR feelings, but you will not stand for him disappointing your son time and time again. Tell him about me... My son had Muscular Dystrophy. His Dad never spent very much time with him after we split. He did things for him , but spent a lot more time with our daughter.Our son died in May, and now all that time he could have spent with him can never be made up. If he does not improve, make your plans and stick to them regardless of what he does. I'm sure your fiance will do "guy stuff" with your son. If he continues like this, your son will figure out what kind of guy he is. My son had his Dad figured out when he was about 12. Good Luck!

That sounds like a tough situation but hopefully it will work itself out soon!
My advice would be to keep any plans you have and don't accomidate his father just because he is in town. If you don't have anything planned then let his father pick him up. However if you have plans don't be affraid to say something like... Sorry it just wont work out. If you had called last weeks maybe I could have changed things around but it's too late now. Then hopefully he will figure out that he needs to give you more notice.
I hope things will get better for you!

Okay, your son does NEED CONSISTENT visitation. I am a single mother of a 15 and a half yearold....You are being great by going out of your way for his father..I do appauld for that. You must set ground rules. Talk to your son and explain why. My daughter read your email and concurs with me. My daughter also feels this is a bad position for your child. She/he will know this is upsetting to you and that is not a good situation.

In the end, go with your gut. PS...my daugter has said that you seem like a really concerned mom, and that it might hurt his feelings right now, but in the long term he is going to be fine like she is...she knows what he is going through and she knows if you are trying this hard for him like I did for her, he will be fine..hey, big words from a teenage girl...but she rocks ....smile

K.