Question About Long Time Friend and Some of Her Behavior

Sounds to me like she's in a relationship with a married man or something. She's beign secretive, she knows about local hotels and restuarants, etc. While most people know aobu tlocal eateries, most people do not know about local hotels - except if out of town relatvies have recently come for a large family gathering. Who stays in a hotel near their hometown?

That sounds really annoying.
Who is she going out with? Is she married? Is she hiding something? Does she feel superior?
Weird.

My first thought is: Is there a large disparity in your incomes and financial lifestyle?

Then you said: "she makes really good money" and I thought "BINGO".

I wouldn't say that I think she thinks she is better than you at all, but maybe she is very self-conscious of the financial disparity and is trying to tone down what she spends by not talking about all her trips and meals out. Nobody wants to be the "I've already been there/done that" person, when a friend is excited about plans to do something. Maybe she is worried that is what she'll look like.

Sounds weird, just ask her.
How do you do all this research to KNOW that she has been there before? That's kinda weird too.
Since she's been your friend forever dont be shy about calling her out on it. "Hey, we are planning on staying at such and such next month, have you been there before? How long ago? Did you like it?" If you know she has this "bend" about the vagueness in her answers you need to compensate by forcing her to be more specific if she isnt willing without the pressure. It is odd, but you know her well enough to work around it.
Maybe she's been an adulterer in her past and doesnt want to say she's been some where because she was there with someone she doesnt want to bring up or confess to? That's the only reason I can think of as to why she acts so mysterious.

I don't think you should worry so much about this. If this is how she is, this is how she is.
Maybe she doesn't want to be one of those people who every time someone mentions somethings starts in about how THEY have been there and done this etc. She might not have liked the service or something, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try it if it's something you want to do just based on her experience.
Also, make sure it doesn't sound to her like you want more information on a place but don't feel like checking into it yourself.
I say this because I have a friend who will ask me the most random things, like I'm human google or something.
Do you know the phone number for this? Do you know what time this place opens? Do you know how many miles it is to get to ___________? Do you know what floor such and such office is in this building? Do you think they'll take credit cards?
I'm flattered she expects me to know all this, but why doesn't she just look it up? She has a computer and a phone book. It's just easier for her to ask me and hopefully get me to do it.

You feel she's being secretive. Maybe she feels you are constantly probing to try to figure out where she's been and what she does. Maybe she feels that if you want to go somewhere, you should just do it. Whether she thought it was great or not.

Hard to say.
I'm sure you have things to talk about besides restaurants and hotels. Maybe just don't bring those things up.

Best wishes.

Sounds like she's a quirky one. You can either accept it and realize it is just a quirk and appreciate her for her other attributes or you can decide you just cannot be friends with someone that has this annoying yet unhurtful trait. I have a friend that is a "funny duck" but who among is is perfect, right? Doesn't sound like she's trying to be hurtful, just has this weird need to omit some things. The things she decides to keep to herself just don't match up with our perception of "normal" secrets. If her friendship is a true one to you then suck it up and just realize she's not the one to go to for travel or dining advice.

I don't know....maybe she just doesn't want to sound like a Know-It-All?

(I wish my guy who's been everywhere and knows everything about everything would just keep it to himself sometimes, sheesh!)

:)

While it is odd sounding to me. Some people are just private. no matter how close you are they hold a little of themselves back for protection, anonymity, whatever. . .
I think it is interesting you brought up her pay. She may feel sensitive talking about things she may feel as "splurges" with her pals. It is not about what you think, but what she thinks.
A little crazy to jump to conclusions that she is involved with another/married man as some have suggested.
Have you ever considered that you haven't actually asked her opinion (from the excerpth dialouge above) about one of these places?? If you are just saying"yeah I'd like to go, I wonder if" and never point blank ask. "jennifer have you ever been to XYZ. What did you think?" She may not want to butt in and offer up her advice or thoughts without being asked for them (again, something foreign to me. I always pipe up LOL)
I agree you should point blank ask her about a place next time and see if response is different and if still elusive and vauge, ask her why.
good luck!

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Indeed, as other answers indicate, she could have some dark secrets. OR,,, she could just like having things she won't tell. There are folks who enjoy playing "I know something you don't know" with themselves. And there are others who are too shy or afraid to open themselves up at all, even though they might seem to have it all together on the outside. People's personalities do (or can) change over time.

Whatever the reason, it's hard maintaining a friendship with that sort of person when you define friendship as affection, interest, goodwill, and openness (open in a way that one can't be with a stranger or an acquaintance).

If her behavior is really bothering you that much, you might want to start being too busy when she invites you to do something with her. See what happens over time.

Sounds like she has secrets. I have had a couple of friends who like to live on the more risky side, married men, cousins, close family friends, friends boyfriend, etc. They are thrill seakers and enjoy the too close for comfort relationships. Maybe this is the case.

I have a friend that I have had for 20 years that has this type of personality. It was the way she was raised. She never really had a close or real open relationship with either of her parents. They were very church going. Spent a lot of time with one another but didn't have closeness or much conversation. Now that we are older and have kids it's hard not to be offended a little because it seems she has more of the "I don't judge" additude when all along it seems like she carries this "I'm little Miss Perfect" additude. I think that sometimes people lack something when they act that way and they are just putting that front up so they aren't approachable on a personal level. That is their "wall" so to speak. I wouldn't have any expectations and just get what you can from the relationship or let it drift. I don't think you will have any success if you try to talk about it because you've already tried that approach. Just seems that is the way she is. It was hard for me to realize that about my friend but, there are many people out there that are real and enjoy lunch and some good conversation.

RIGHT up until you said she makes really good money my gut response was "She's having an affair." Because only an idiot mentions a place they've been to with their lover but not their husband.

After the money, however, that's a totally equal cause. At one point in my life I was making monopoly money. Several hundred k per year (I've also been homeless, that's me, girl of extremes). People who "have" money tend to go one of two ways with it & their friends:

- NOT talk about how they spend it (out to meals all the time, shopping, trips, schtuff that isn't readily noticeable, etc.) EITHER to not make others feel less than, OR because they don't equate it with anything "special". "Oh not much. Errands."

- Talk about it all the time
"What did you do this weekend?"
"Oh... I had a pankering for Rodin so we flew over to paris to go look at some sculpture, had lunch at the most AMAZING little cafe, I need to go back just for their bread... best EVER." or skipping the $10k per day spending and dropping down into more "normal" 10k per week or month spending "Spa morning, Lunch at Hotel Del, errands in the afternoon, Dinner at the Oyster Bar, some dancing, drinks at this lovely little wine bar near the water. Sunday was exhausting, however, redoing the x room so it was shopping all day long."

She sounds weird...I would ask her why she doesn't speak up about these things. ..Ultimately, don't waste your time and don't see her that often.

What can I say? Some people are just like this. I also have a friend who never divulges too much. She won't tell ya if she gets a new job, that they're planning on moving, that she just finished up her bachelor's degree, etc. etc. etc. Not just little things, major things. It's very odd. I've known her for 18 years now. She's just not a natural "sharer." Very secretive. For obvious reasons, we're not that close!

sounds like she has ISSUES. if i were you, every time i brought up one of the topics you mentioned i'd look her straight in the eye and ask "have you been there before?" put her on the spot, let her know you're on to her and make her choose whether to lie to you or not. then if you catch her in a lie revisit the whole "friend or not" thing. seems like she is dealing with something strange and complex inside of herself that many of us cannot understand - let her be who she is, unless and until she crosses a clear boundary of yours. for me, that would be lying.

when i've had friends that do crazy stuff, i tell myself, "forgive but don't forget." then i change the way i deal with that person to reflect what i have learned about her/his behavior. for example, if i go to pick up a friend and she's never ready when i arrive, i'll start waiting in the car where i can get some stuff done and tell her to come down when she's ready. if she wants things back to how they were, she'll need to adjust her behavior. i forgive her, but i don't act like nothing happened in the past. i do what i can to get my needs met while being honest with her and myself about what her deal is. make any sense? i hope so. good luck mama!