My kids are fairly good at cleaning up, but they sometimes really frustrate me. Multiple times today I asked them to put things away, and instead of putting them where they belong, they just moved them. Are they just getting distracted on the way? At what age should I expect it to get to where it belongs without them getting side-tracked?
I'm tired, and I am feeling grumpy about having to be everyone's damn memory.
Let me clarify, the problem isn't them picking up, it's the getting distracted while doing so. For instance, I asked my oldest to put a book away. It was in the office downstairs and it needed to be in her room upstairs. She headed off with it, but it ended up in the living room.
My son headed off with a handful of cards. I told him to put them in his secret draw, they too ended up in the living room.
My kids were not together, it was at different points in the day, but both got distracted. We have a very clear system for toy organization and clean-up. It's the distraction I'm frustrated with...and all the reminders to keep them on task.
I'd say by the time they reach college age they should be managing their own things. Kids just don't pick up stuff, they'd rather just walk on it or around it.
We have 2 baskets and items through the day get put into both based on how I value the items. The kids are to pull items and get them put away. They get if they want their stuff they will clear the baskets right after school. Items in the valuable basket left after dinner. Can be bought back by chores. Items in the other basket will be put in garbage at 7pm.
Mine are 5 , 9, and 12. Boy their memory improves when items flow into the garbage can.
I think a lot of it is the amount of stuff the child has. When my kids start leaving things all over the place, I know it's time to go into their rooms and clear out toys. They will always have trouble putting things away if they're overwhelmed with the amount of stuff they have, and if there's not a place for everything to go. To me, decluttering is the first step. Then, label the bins/boxes where things go (cars, dolls, crafts, however you want to divide things). That way, it's very easy for them to find what they're looking for AND takes away any excuse they might have about not being able to put it away.
Next, get a clear trash can or bin and put it in a conspicuous area of your home (mine is on the landing of the stairway). Mine has a sign on it that says, "Uh-oh! You left it out. Mom picked it up. She's got your stuff; you're out of luck. To get it back, you must do a chore. Then it'll be yours, just like before." On the back of the bin, I taped an envelope with index cards in it. Each index card lists a chore. I give the kids about 5 minutes warning when I'm about to walk through the house with my bin. They scramble to pick their things up! If they miss anything, I put it in the bin, and they must do a chore of my choosing (and I have to approve of the job they've done) before they get the item back. If they fail to do the chore within a week, I throw the item out or donate it.
My point in doing that is not to be mean, but to teach them that in not picking up their things, they create more work for me - therefore, I will create more work for them. Over the course of the year that we have been doing this, they have become MUCH better about taking care of their things and putting things away. Scrubbing toilets week after week will do that for a child. ;)
Um, you've only got till about their junior year..of college. Or so...
Well, really only till they marry. Then it's somebody else's problem!
Being a SUPER organized person, I too got frustrated at the way my kids picked things up.
But I saw them do it at preschool, so I knew they could do it at home!
I actually kind of modeled the toy storage areas like a preschool, shelves for puzzles and other flat items, big bins for Barbies, babies, trains and legos, craft supplies in baskets with handles, etc. Of course if I wasn't constantly reminding them where to put things they would have just put it all where ever.
So, yes, from age three and up they CAN clean up, but of course they can't always do it without direction (in preschool they cleaned up several times a day, before going outside, before lunch, etc. while the teachers watched and played the clean up song) and they shouldn't have so many toys out at once that it's overwhelming.
ETA: even after all my "training" I managed to have only one out of three teenagers who care about being neat and organized like me, the other two take after their father :-p
"Please put your X where you usually look for it" is mostly the direction, and then I hand it back to him. So, if he 'loses' that object, I ask "oh, did you put it where you usually look for it?" Often that will trigger his memory. Or, well, if not, gosh.... too bad! (Logical consequence rears its own head without any of my doing.)
If it's really important (to me) then I tell him specifically where it's meant to go.
My son is 6.5 and I am unwilling to look for his toys, so he's welcome to do as he pleases with those. For school things, I do tell him "take your folder to your backpack" etc.
One out of my four has my sense of organization. The rest take after their father. And I only say things like "their father" when speaking of things that irritate me.
By age 3 or 4 they should be able to put things away. I tried to keep it simple. One closet of toys. I don't care where in the closet the toy goes.
Then try Love and Logic. Be specific and give them a little time. "Please put your toys away in the closet before dinner." or "please put your toys away in the closet in 5 minutes." If they don't do it don't get mad. Go gather up the toys and put them on top of the refrigerator. When they ask for the toys the next time. Tell them, "Oh, I'm sorry, last time I asked you to put those toys away you didn't do it and I had to. I don't want to have to put your toys away today, so I am not going to let you have them today. Maybe tomorrow." Try this a few times. Next time you want them to put away toys say, "Did you want to put your toys away before dinner time or do you want me to take care of your toys for you?"....... soon they will see the benefits of putting them away themselves when you ask them to.
My kids are 6, 8, and 10. I swear sometimes things move from one flat surface to another. They bring books downstairs to read in the living room, but forget to take them back up on their way to bed (they have a bookshelf right outside of their bedrooms with all of their books). Sometimes I'll find it on the shelf in the foyer (downstairs) where they have baskets for their hats and gloves because they were distracted by the computers in the office.
All I normally have to do is call their names and they instantly remember.
I do the same thing though, I'll get distracted and only get half way through cleaning something before I notice something else and get to work. So I try to give them a break. If I'm really not in the mood to stay on them, I will hand it to them and expalin exactly what I want done and what I will do with the item if I see it anywhere but where it should be.
Mine's 10 and I still feel like his memory.
I think it comes with the uterus. : /
It's being a kid.
I can almost guarantee you that you were not quite as good at all that you
are today when you were a kid.
Were you more organized than most? Probably as that is a personality
trait. Don't believe me? Can you tell the difference between a neat
freak and a messy Marvin? I bet you can.
Kids get distracted very, very easily.
It's just pure, simple distraction.
They are not "trying" to piss you off or not do what you've asked. They see something on the way & tend to that thing. They stray out of simple
distraction.
So try not to get mad at them. Instead try to give simple instructions, don't expect too much, be kind when they do get distracted as they will and move on. Most likely will no one will be able to live up to your expectations. Just take a deep breath and try to be a bit lenient.
Hang in there. Remember it's not just "our world and their in it, it's everybody's world with everybody's distinct views.
Mine do not put away. That is awesome yours try.
Gold star for effort!
I am a human vacuum. Thanks for sharing. I need to get them to do better. But we have a toddler who dumps everything. So putting away is so...short lasting.
It might be possible they have access to too many toys. If my kids have trouble picking up I know it's time to purge and donate, sell, or store away for a toy rotation on a rainy day. I only keep out what they can easily handle. And I let the playroom always be a mess. They are required to keep shared areas of the house neat, but not the space dedicated to them (it is a separate room so I can easily avoid going in...or even looking in).
I read this and thought I had posted it. LOL! My kids are terrible about this. So I have the same questions!!!
My 10 yo has been good about this for years. My 15 yo is still working on this skill:).
My almost 15 year old still forgets to put stuff away where it goes. My 11 year old is probably worse but he's got focus issues so he can distract himself so easy!!!
