Seriously, Just Pick the Da*n Thing Up!

Here's a little empathy (OK, a lot) along with another question: WhyohWhy do we have to tell them the same blasted thing every single frigging day?

There. I'm done.

Get a large garbage bag or trash can and start throwing things out. My daughter is only five and I have warned her a few times. When she sees the garbage bag come out she rushes to put things away. You have to be ready to seriously throw something out or it will not work.
My daughter and step daughter now know that I will NOT pull anything out of the vacuum, if they leave something small it will be gone forever.

Yes, I hear you! My 11 year old feels like the house is her personal garbage bin. I constantly have to tell ehr to pick up her towels, to take her stuff to her room, etc etc. Her room looks like a disaster area and FEMA should come in. I have tried a l;ot of things but it's like she just doesn't care.

And before I get a lot of flack from other moms about how I should be firm, she has a brother who is undergoing treatment for leukemia and her father and I are getting a divorce and he already has a live-in gf with 2 kids. I am not going to stress her out too much more if I can avoid it.

I'm glad you said you didn't need advice. Otherwise I would have told you how we worked to solve this problem. With 8 kids we had to do something or we never would have known there was carpet on the floor.

Good luck to you and yours.

I can definitly empathize with you. But I am going to give you some advice as well. Set up a station by the door. be it a bench or table or chair or whatever. make that the backpack corral. they can drop them on it as they come in. Make a Saturday box. This worked for us for years. It is a box that you keep (we kept ours on the fridge for a number of years but as stuff got bigger it moved to my closet) anything they leave around gets put into the box. You give one warning. ex: Hey you left your barbies on the living room floor. If they do not get picked up into the box they go. they don't get them back til saturday. same goes for hairbrushes, shoes, socks etc. they have to ask you for the stuff. They don't just get it. if they forget to ask it is another week. they will run out of stuff.

as far as chores. until chores are done nothing else except breathing is allowed lol. so turn off the tv, ipods, phones etc

I have a bin. Anything out of place goes in the bin. If I have already asked it be put away, it's mine until I feel like giving it back. The duration typically depends on the attitude I get. Lots of attitude, mine for longer. Honestly my stepdaughter has not given me a lot of flak about this so I keep most things one day. I have kept a few things for three days when she pushed me and did not heed warnings. Along the same lines, if she asks me to help her find something which she hasn't put away properly, then whoever finds it first, keeps the object. As an adult this one is easy; I always win the finding it first challenge. She has gotten a lot better about putting things in their place and in looking really hard before asking for help. I don't ask her to do laundry but I do ask her to put her clothes in her hamper. A few times she has worn dirty clothes (never panties, just jeans or shirts) but that was the end of it. The chore rule in our house is if I am cleaning, then so are you. Nobody gets to play or watch someone else clean until all of the day’s chores are cleared away. Unless you have a super stubborn child, a small stand nips most of these lazy things in the bud I think. Good luck and don't think you are suffering alone. Most kids are just careless and messy by nature with laziness exacerbating the issues.

I had to do tons of chores...even more than my mom and every day. Saturday mornings I had to clean the whole house, including mopping/windows/vacuum/bathrooms/kitchen... or else no tv, no phone, no going out with friends, no cheer practice, no karate practice, no movies, no computer, no one comes over, no video games, no shopping... no life basically until chores were done.

In my house, kids don't go to bed until they have finished their chores. We make them do it.

I do sympathize with you and can relate. I have a one year old to add to the mix now too. I feel I spend all my time watching, caring and picking up after him that everyone else in the household needs to be responsible for their own belongings, period. I've gotten to the point where I don't even ask them to do anything anymore. Whenever they want to go somewhere; a friends house, the movies, the mall, six flags, etc.. they are REQUIRED to do chores I've chosen for them. Even when I'm out, they have to call me for permission so I let them know; the dishwasher needs to be emptied, downstairs bathroom or their own needs to be cleaned, or simply is the living room or their own bedroom clean. It's a winning situation for everyone. I have clean rooms, they get to go do what they want after fulfilling their reponsibilities and....I get a little peace and quiet with their absence. I found picking my battles with them keeps us from going to war. Grades are up, behavior is good and our relationships are close. Communication is more important to me than these fleeting lazy years of childhood :-)
Besides, when I'm old and senile, they'll be drawing straws as to who is going to chase down the street after me and pick up all MY clothes that I'm stripping off while trying to escape!! What goes around comes around.

YES!!! I keep on them about chores and DH lets them slide. On nights when I am not home, NOTHING is done. Drives me crazy!!!!

I got to the point this week where I told them to do their chores BEFORE their homework, I was so tired of their mess. Usually it is homework first, then chores.

Mine are older- there is no excuse except their laziness. I will not do their chores for them. I let them pile up, but only for a day or two, then I crack down. We are getting better at making sure everything is done everyday, but, like I said, if I am not home, DH lets them slide. Need to get him on my page.

I tried everything. Then I told them that they could pick their things up, or I would.. If I did, I decided what MIGHT stay and what would go to Goodwill. Gave them a day or two, then I cleaned up and put EVERYTHING in large black contractor bags in the garage. When they got home from school: 'Hey, my room's clean....Hey, where is X?' It was ugly when we all sat down in the garage and 'decided' what could come back in, but it made an impression. Basically, if they can't/won't take care of something, they obviously don't need it. Frankly, it was an eyeopener for US(parents) as to what they really had. We had all the 'you went into my room, you can't take that, you're so mean'...etc., but we explained(high schoolers) that this was OUR house and everyone had a responsibility to take care of it. NOW, they have to 'buy' things back..and it can take more time/energy[no cash] if they have not been doing chores or picking up after themselves. We explained that until they become independent they will have to abide by our 'rules' and frankly they know what is acceptable. They test periodically but pretty much enjoy having a nice place to come home to and bring friends...they also know that we can and will take their door off the hinges if they push us too far.

I'm not a neat freak at my house so on the weekend it gets pretty messy. However, during the week I think the entire household functions better if things are organized. So Sunday afternoon, my kids know that it is pick up time. I usually set a deadline (6pm) and after that anything I find on the floor or in a public area (family room, kitchen, etc.) belongs to me for the week.

The one exception is school items (library books, backpacks). However, my feeling is that if the kids are too tired and or distracted to take care of essential items that are needed for school then they need more rest and for every essential item that is out of place they have to go to bed 10 minutes early (I have a middle schooler and a high schooler). It is amazing how well this works. Do it once to show you mean it and it really sticks with them.

Our house used to be like this when we would just say "hey, you need to put away the dishes" and they would say "ok", then it wouldn't get done. Now we actually make them STOP what they are doing and MAKE them do it right then and there. Now its getting to the point where they will do it right away on their own without as many reminders as we used to have to give them. So I totally get it and know how frustrating it is! =)

Way to go, Jennifer! Kids will walk all over a weak mama, but not you! Good job in letting them know who is the boss!

I had to go to quite an extreme once, but it only took once.

I definitely can relate. Ugh.
I do find though, that we all start slacking from time to time, and it makes it exponentially worse and it just makes it that much easier to leave stuff out instead of putting it away.

When I notice stuff after they've gone to bed, I'll sometimes take it to their room and make a pile on their floor. But I'd probably be better served to just get a big laundry basket and put ALL of EVERYBODY's stuff in it and when they/we are missing something... have to go dig thru the ONE big basket instead of junk everywhere. But alas, I don't usually get it done.
We are always on the way out the door and I am not the most organized soul myself. I don't do badly, but I typically am trying to squeeze just one more thing out of the 3 minutes I have left before we HAVE to walk out the door.... and something doesn't get put back in the right place. LOL

Good job teaching them HOw to do it. when they are older they will want to do it and will have the skills. right now I am dealing with the same with my early elem aged kids. very frusturating.

I can sympathize. I only have one child...I can't imagine a household with more than 1! You have my utmost respect :)

My son is only 6 but he and his father were getting out of hand about a year ago when it came to their messes. So I put on my General Mom hat, laid down the law and started "re-training" them . Nothing was to ever leave a room it was found in. My husband wasn't allowed to bring the checkbook out of the office, my son wasn't allowed to bring toys from his playroom downstairs to the living room, all food and drinks had to stay in the kitchen, etc. So I was able to contain the chaos. Then, at teh end of the day before anyone could sit for their personal time (TV, playing, reading) they had to clean up each room they made a mess in, down to turning off the lights. With my son, if things didn't get done (towels off the floor, clothes in the laundry, etc) he got to go to bed w/o doing anything fun. There were some nights when everyone was cranky but I stuck to my guns and didn't falter. And anything I found out of place, I literally threw away or put it in my own desk and noone was allowed to touch it.

That is how I got my boys to look after themselves and their things. My son knows if he doesn't want to lose something or it was hard to put away, then he wouldn't take it out to begin with. Now that I've got him trained, he has been able to take on more grown up chores like turning on the sprinklers or checking all the lights before we leave the house, without being asked.

It worked for us, but your family dynamic might be different. gl!

GOOD FOR YOU MAMA!!! You're a quick study!!! It's the only thing that worked with my now 3 adult children. And, guess what? They aren't messy!! (for the most part! hee hee) It's amazing how much better they treat their own space!
KP

On thing I love, I bought a bed from Pottery Barn called Stratton Bed. It has very large baskets that go under the bed. All of my daughter's toys, stuffed animals, and blankets are hidden.

Every night she has to clean up her room and I love that it is clean and clutter free.

ARGH! Me! My 17-year-old daughter's sheets/mattress pad had blood on them, it dried & she didn't tell me or strip bed! ARGH!

She is forgetful, just like her dad. So, when he messes up, she feels vindicated. YES, I want to figure out how to make her more responsible!

On a positive note, she is handling her belongings to/from dance. She drives now, but I'm dreading her running out of gas.........................

I remind, remind...I know I should've done consequences (better) years ago.

sounds like our house! I spend more time telling them to do thier chores than them actually doing them.

The one that ticks me off more than anything is when they will actually step on something...or if Im lucky... step over it instead of picking it up. When I tell them to pick it up, don't step on/ over it... I get oh I didn't see it. Really ?!?!

With my kids, its definatly gotten worse with age, instead of what should be the other way around!

Ugh my little ones are still a bit too little to pick up after themselves. It drives me crazy. Helping my almost four yr old clean his room. He is so slow and sometimes starts playing with his toys. Drives me nutts! Or when I am cleaning my almost two yr olds room and she dumps the entire box of little people out because now her room is clean! What I do love is my little girl will help unload the dishwasher with me. I take out sharps before she gets a chance. My son will also help with the groceries and carrying them in. The best thing my mom did was didnt do! When I was about 14 I learned to do my own laundary. My mom only washed on the weekends and I only had a few pair of jeans. So if I wanted something done I did it myself. Go on strike mom! :D

Yes, yes, yes. Even if I nag them into actually stopping long enough to do what I ask they act like I am flogging them. I do not remember being this way as a kid as I had a lot more responsibilty at an early age. It is sssooo frustrating I just want to stomp my foot like a 2 year old. I empathize. I just bulldoze the mess to their rooms and go about my business. Right into the doorway. They will grow up and you will have a clean house until grandkids come along. Then it won't seem to matter so much.

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Well at some point you'll get fed up enough that you'll stop doing the things for them. I know it's easier to 'just do it' than complain and retrain, but to what end? I have 5 children and we went through this as well. Now they are good about picking up, helping out, cooking meals and doing laundry and the stress of it all is gone. Best of luck to you.