Problems with Neighborhood Kids

We had something like this. I got smart with the girl. I heard the girl say that she didn't want to play with my son.

My response was 'oh good, so you won't be upset that C doesn't want to play with YOU. He was worried that I would make him stay out here and play, but since you don't want him to I won't. So glad that worked out. Maybe tomorrow. Bye guys!'..(big smile, wave).. the girl just stared at me. The next time she saw us she didn't make any comments. It didn't work wonders overnight, but it did stop the comments.

I know I should've been 'above it', but I was defending my kid darnit.
M.

It's hard. We have lots of kids in our neighborhood but my kids haven't found their place yet. The other kids aren't mean to my kids, they just already have their group and my kids are shy so they don't get themselves involved.

Anyway, a couple of things you could do. One would be to talk to the other moms. Whether or not your son ever makes friends with these kids, their children are being bullies and they should be aware of it. Second thing you could do is invite one of the kids who is closest to your son's age over for a playdate. You don't have to go crazy or spend a lot of money, but make it an AWESOME playdate. Bake cookies for the kids to decorate or have some other "out of the ordinary" fun activity for the kids to do so the playdate is memorable. Usually once a kid has one friend it just grows and grows. The other option is for you to play out in front with your son doing something cool. Maybe get a little bubble machine ($10 at walmart) and let him run around chasing the bubbles. Or have a water fight with him. Other kids will see it and want to join in. Again, once the friendships are established they will grow. I'm guessing the "ringleader" of the group won't be so bold as to be rude in front of you but if she is I see no problem in saying to her, "wow, are you always that mean or are you having a bad day?" Or something to that effect. You don't need to be rude or call her names, but you certainly can point it out.

Oh last thing, if he attends preschool you can always invite friends from his school over to play. He doesn't have to play with the neighborhood kids!

Good luck,
K.

It takes a village. If I witnessed one of the neighbor kids spouting off hurtful comments and trying to rally the others against someone, I would personally let her know it isn't right. "Say Suzi, I just heard what you said about Billy, and I think you're smart enough to know that it was very hurtful and unkind. While I realize no one can force anyone else to like them or to play with them, it is very, very mean to say those things, to gang up, and purposefully try to exclude anyone. Whether or not you care for Billy, everyone else (kids, parents, etc) will decide whether or not they like YOU based the way they see you treating others." And seriously, if she gave me any attitude, or if it continues, I would have a little chat with her Mom. You can reach out to invite friends of his over from school or activities who are not neighbor kids. Also, you can plan in advance and invite the nicer neighbor kids near his age over for playdates, run through the sprinkler, ice cream, etc. on a one on one basis so they can get to know your son better, always modeling that he include everyone who wants to come over and join the fun. Watch and listen carefully. If the girl comes over and starts up again, send her home. Unfortunately, some kids can be cruel, and it happens in every neighborhood, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about choosing your home.

That is really upsetting. I would be upset too.

Do you know the girl's parents? Is it possible to talk with them about what is going on, and ask for their help in talking with their daughter?

If not, then you may need to be parenting the girl or other kids a bit yourself. What I mean is, I see a lot of kids who basically don't have much supervision. If they are doing something to hurt someone else, that is usually my line where I feel like it's appropriate to step in and say something to the child. At the park, for instance, if someone is throwing sand and it's going in another child's eyes,, I will tell the child that we need to stop throwing sand because it's hurting someone.

In this case, the girl and other kids need to be taught that their behavior is not okay. They are hurting someone's feelings. This is bullying and it's not okay to do to anyone.

I would sit outside when the kids are playing and simply be present for a while. If/when the kids say mean things, you need to address it kindly but firmly. Teach the girl what you expect.
You may be surprised at her response. A lot of times, kids just don't have good guidance from home, so they gladly take it in from another adult.

Karen is right. I also live in an area where there are a lot of neighborhood kids. We didn't have a problem like you do but I occasionally do really fun things for the kids & everybody wants to get invited to our place. My daughter has a lot of friends. Everytime we walk around they are calling her, hey Marley, or look there's Marley. I have made cupcakes for them. Did facepainting, movie parties(with big bowls of popcorn), sidewalk chalk drawing. Since he's five you can inject yourself a little and guide him through developing relationships. Invite the children to parties with crafts and music. Get to know the other parents just a little so the kids can have permission. My husband thought I was nuts at first with all the kids everywhere but now he knows my secret plan. I'm always going to have my daughter around so I can keep an eye on her!!!! FOREVER!! (hehe)

Hi- Sorry this is happening to your son. You say you've lived there a year, have you had any of the kids over to play yet? Do you socialize at all with any of thier parents? Do you ever play outside with the children? Make your house the fun house, set up sprinklers to run through, invite them to play in your backyard, buy popsicles for everyone, have a BBQ. Whatever you think might get them interested in getting to know your family better. When the others see your son as an outsider it's easy for them to follow along with the bully girl because they don't know enough about your family to have their own opinions. Give them something positive to talk about in relation to your son and I bet you'll see a change. When kids are playing under your watch it is a responsiblity but here's the payoff, you have control over how they behave. We became the "fun house" on our block just by having an open door policy, if the neighborhood kids followed our rules and were respectful, they were almost always welcome. The ones that couldn't get along and be nice spent their day listening to the rest have a blast in our backyard. Funny how their behavior changed the next time they came over! Also, while it does sound awful what the meany girl is saying don't forget that adults take things kids say so much more seriously. Take your sons lead and try not to let it bother you too much, she may be a very sad little girl.

Bullying is such a sad situation, I have a very sensitive, more on the quiet side daughter who has a tendancy to get pushed around a bit by her other same aged girl friends...I will tell you being around and correcting the kids or saying something to the effect that it isn't very nice or how would you feel, goes a long way...I wouldn't hesitate to talk to some of the moms and set up individual low pressure play dates because most moms will not be happy to find out their child is behaving in such a manner. The sad part about bullying, is one kid is usually the ring leader and the other kids fall in line so as not to be picked on. I am proud of your son for acting like it doesn't bother him, but I would be sitting down and talk to him about how he feels.

You need to have a chat w/ her mother and let her know the kind of things she is doing and saying. She may not be aware.

Ask her to put herself in your shoes. Tell her WHY you moved int he neighborhood in the first place and that you don't want your child to exclude others.

This is a great opportunity for conflict resolution skills....by parent/child and child/child and even parent/parent. HOWEVER, you may find that when dealing w/ the parent, you'll figure out why the child has the issues she has.

I would try in as many opportunities as you can, to take CHARGE of the situation. The more she's allowed to belittle, etc., the more she'll try and get by with.

In other words, invite the kids to play at your house and SET HOUSE RULES. NO negative comments, respect and kindness are the RULES. If a situation arises, use it to teach them how to resolve, compromise, etc.

DO NOT LET THIS LITTLE GIRL take control! That's EXACTLY what she's doing/attemtping to do. In addition, might want to find out more about what's going on at her nouse....NOT to be noisy......but rather, if there are some negative things going on there, this may be her way of some type of control over a situation since she can't control what's happening at home.

It's more about a LIFE SKILLS battle than it is an emotional one!! THINK LONG TERM!

Kari F has the right idea. Make your home the "fun" place. It will take a little extra effort on your part, but it will be worth it in the long run. When the kids get older they will be at your place where you can better supervise with out seeming to supervise. Very valuable whe the kids get to be in the teens. It will also help your child not to be the one picked on.

Have a street party and meet the adults and make sure their parents are ok with you giving the kids treats, etc. Hot dogs and hamburgers are relatively cheap and are a good gathering food. Chocolate chip cookies baking in an oven are a kid magnet.

Good luck to you and yours.