bullying
bul·ly [bool-ee] noun, plural bul·lies, verb, bul·lied, bul·ly·ing, adjective, interjection
noun: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people; the act of intimidating a weaker person to make them do something
verb (used without object) : to be loudly arrogant and overbearing.
Synonyms: to cow, to browbeat, to coerce; to terrorize, to tyrannize.
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Simply being mean or saying something you dislike or disagree with or "think" is mean isn't bullying. I don't think it has to be habitual toward the same person, but the same person can be a bully in general. A single incident alone without any other incidents at all isn't bullying. That doesn't mean an issue during a single incident or two shouldn't be addressed, but it can't be called bullying.
I do think that the terms bully and bullying used when describing undesirable behavior or aggressive behavior or unlikeable behavior are used way to liberally. Schools are, and should be, very aggressive in dealing with bullying behaviors and nip them in the bud. Schools shouldn't tolerate any violent behaviors or mean kid behaviors either. But schools do have to be very careful when it comes to labeling a child a bully because if something like that goes into their permanent file, it follows them. It's all right if their file shows there was disciplinary action and what the behaviors they did to warrant it were, but if it wasn't literal bullying then that's not fair to have it follow the child.
My eldest daughter had a tendency to cry BULLY! when someone says or does something she dislikes or disagrees with. She thought it was bullying to hear a friend tell her that she had agreed to play with another friend at recess that day but would definitely play with her the next day. Even though the friend reassured her, "I still like you, I just promised M I'd play with her for once" I had my daughter in tears that E was bullying and so was M! Seriously? Suck it up! Exclusion for one or two days isn't bullying. Give it a week plus mean words and consistent exclusion from other things too and I'll agree.
It's been a long road, but at 12 she does understand now. It hit her last year when she was physically assaulted by a boy who had been consistently bullying her daily and his bullying kept escalating. He was verbally abusive and threatening and finally tried to hurt her. The teacher refused to step in, so I did and reported it. My girl stood up for herself as always, even when that by lied directly to the Vice Principal in spite of witnesses backing up my daughter.
Anyway, with that situation and another girl who was emotionally and physically intimidating to every child she encountered, especially my daughter, to teach her what real bullying is... let's just say I hear far less often about the endless, "But she's a bully! And so is he!" She's very mindful of making the accusation now.
Sometimes being mean is just plain old grumpiness or meanness or social ineptness. It's not always bullying.