Problems Sleeping

I know exactly what you are talking about. My stepson use to do the same thing. Maybe you could see a doctor about getting him put on clonidine. It is a sleep aid medicine that has really helped him sleep through the night.

The brain of a toddler begins to have dreams. They can start having "night terrors." Below is the response that I gave to another mom asking for advice on sleep problems.

4-29-08
When I was pregnant with my first child (23 years ago), I was watching the Phil Donahue Show and they were discussing a new book called "THE FAMILY BED." The author was a proponent of parents snuggling with their children during sleep. The author said, "Separate bedrooms are an artificial human invention that came along only after World War II - - as a sign of affluence. If you had money, you would show your wealth by having a house with many bedrooms." Think about it: our great-grandfathers most likely shared ONE bed with four brothers.

He also said, "Our skin is the largest organ in the body. It is meant to be touched. If you deprive an infant from touch, it will fail to thrive."

A woman in the audience stood up and got the microphone and disagreed with the author's advice: NEVER INVITE, NEVER REFUSE. She told him, "When my son has a nightmare, we just go into his room with a glass of water, and tell him, "Drink the water and it will wash away all the bad dreams."

The author politely listened to this woman, then he gently said to her, "Think . . . How would you feel if you went to your husband and said, "I just need a hug right now" and your husband said, "Here, honey, have a glass of water"?

That was my "AH-HAH" moment.

I decided right then and there that when my baby was born, I would follow the author's simple rule: NEVER INVITE AND NEVER REFUSE.

All four of my children were welcome to come in and sleep in our room if they felt they needed to. If one of them came in and climbed up in-between us, their daddy wouldn't even wake up! I would ALWAYS wake up - just briefly - and usually without a word, fling an arm over them, pull the covers back over us, and go right back to sleep. Sometimes, I'd wake in the morning, with one tiny leg draped across my face and another little body stretched across the foot of the bed. In their own time, each child smoothly transitioned to spending all night alone in their "big kid beds". As they reached the ages of 4 or 5, they could handle waking up after a dream or night terror, go to the bathroom, or just go back to sleep all on their own. ((I discovered that if a child woke up screaming with a night terror, I could sometimes sleep-walk them to the bathroom & get them to go pee-pee, and usually they would sleep soundly the rest of the night. Perhaps the urge to pee-pee might be a cause of night disturbances in young children developing potty training skills.))

My daughter, was the earliest to QUIT coming in our room. She hated covers and would kick them off. She would get hot sleeping between us. So, she stopped coming in by age 2 or 2 1/2.

Waking up surrounded by kids are some of my happiest memories from that time of my life. Now, my kids are 23, 21, 18, and 11, and I have to chase them down to get a kiss on the cheek. I miss the days of waking up with little snuggle bunnies.

First of all, God bless your husband and you for your support of our country.

I know that it is not usually considered the best course to let a child get into bed with you, but your family has had some unusual circumstances! It might be worth letting this run its course, in case it's in response to the changed circumstances in your lives. Otherwise, I would recommend one of two possible approaches: (1) Each night, both of you put your son to bed, but one parent stays in the room with him and helps him get to sleep. This parent (I would take turns) can rub his back, sing softly, or even just lay or sit beside your son. This gives him security and peace of mind and lets him concentrate on getting to sleep. It's possible that if he starts out with a sense of security in his sleep, he won't be as prone to wake up in the night. Or you could try:

(2) Develop a new bedtime ritual. Both parents sit down with all the kids (if you want them to go to bed at the same time) and have prayer time (if this fits your belief system). Then, read a short story. Next, put each child to bed, starting with the oldest first. He/she gets in bed, everyone gives hugs and kisses, then the child is tucked in and wished a good night's sleep. Ending with the youngest might make the oldest feel he or she is getting more attention, which is nice. :)Having a little CD of lullaby music might be helpful.

One thing Nanny Jo (Super Nanny) does with this problem is, she advises the parents not to talk to the child at night after the first time of taking them back to their bed; just place them back in their bed. Nicely, calmly, but firmly. Now that mine are 3 and 6, I wish I had let them stay in bed with me! They really do grow out of it eventually, and I think it builds more security and attachment. I think there are degrees of attachment disorder that occur in our children because we just don't spend enough time with them...and it is very comforting at night to have someone to sleep with. My girls now sleep together in a double bed, which may be something you could consider for the 3 and 2 year olds, even if you just put a mattress on the floor. Best wishes! I like your description of your life in the country - sounds sweet.

Are you all getting any type of counseling? You have a lot of changes going on. Kids have a hard time when there are changes in the household.

You might try play therapy. We are foster parents and majority of our kids have had play therapy and has helped a lot for most of them.

I would make a chart of each night and seeing how often he can sleep in his room. Offer a reward for each night that he stays in his room and sleeps. Maybe find something he really enjoys and let him do more of those things.

He may be experiencing anxiety or anger with all the changes. Night Terrors could be happening also. If you need referrals for the play therapy, let me know.

You might check into Love and Logic. At www.loveandlogic.com

I would make sure that your child is not sick, so maybe get a thorough check by the Dr. How about a special book/stuffed animal in the bed for him to sleep with. Maybe try some books on sleeping in the night.

You might want to use thicker diapers/pull ups at night for the 3 year old until he make it all thru the night. I would leave the lights on for your youngest to go to the bathroom by himself. Keep night lights on in the room and hallway or a hall light on.

Hope this helps, it has to be rough all that you are going thru.

I think that your son's behavior (this is the 23-month old?) is perfectly normal and to be expected for a child his age going through the changes that are happening in your family right now. By waking and coming into your bed at night, he is telling you that he needs a little extra closeness and reassurance. If you meet those needs, they will go away on their own; if you don't they will only get worse. If he were older, I would say that you could set some boundaries, like tell him he could come into your room only after a certain hour, but at his age he won't understand it yet.

The people telling you to give your child medication - I am really shocked! Your son's behavior, while obviously annoying to you, is normal for his age and not a sleep disorder! And it will *not* get worse, trust me I have 7 years' experience of little people coming into my bed in the middle of the night. If you allow it, with reasonable boundaries, it will occur less and less as time goes on.

First of all, thank you to you and your husband for your sacrifices in order to ensure the safety of our country. My husband was a Marine as well and served 2 tours of duty in Afghanistan when my kids were almost 2 and 3. I know it's got to be hard on you and it sounds like you have a lot going on at night. My only suggestion is to be consistant. Start with getting your son to sleep earlier. I remember being told that sometimes when kids wake up really early it's b/c they are not getting enough sleep...sounds funny, you think they would sleep late, but they don't. So, start with a bed time routine and stick to it. If he gets out of bed, put him back in. Just keep putting him back in. It will probably take an hour or more the first night with that being the only thing you do, but be consistant. By the second or third night he should stay in there on his own. It's probably better to do it all at once, but if you are exhausted, you need to do what you can to get your sleep! So, for the nighttime stuff, if you can do it all at one time, do it. If you can't, then let him sleep with you until he gets the going to bed thing down. Once that is consistant, maybe a week later, start on the night time stuff....if he comes in your room, take him back to his and leave. If that is too much and he is waking others in the house, maybe try laying in his bed with him until he goes back to sleep instead of laying in your bed and then moving him. But, ideally, just bring him back in his bed and leave. Again, keep doing it consisitantly until he gets the picture. Hopefully, once he's going to bed earlier and staying in his bed at night and not waking he'll sleep later in the morning as well. Hang in there! I know it's hard! I thought my 2 were too young to really realize that daddy was gone and for anything to change, but both went from sleeping in their beds all night to getting in mine every night while my husband was gone. I was so tired, I didn't care...amazingly, when he came home, they stayed in bed...I guess they really could tell something was different!

Girlfriend, it is time for a family sleep time overhaul!!!. Firt off, your children should not be running the house - you are the person in charge and they are to learn and follow. Sorry for sounding so military!!. All children need a constant routine to follow.

As suggested earlier by a poster or putting children to bed at a certain time is great. Why are you still waking up the older one to go bathroom? Are you trying to potty train at night? He/should not get anything to drink at least 2 hours before bed if that's the case. The child may not be ready for night time training especially if it is a boy as their systems are not as developed at this age. The second one will have to learn that he cannot have it his way or you will pay dearly the rest of your life. It's nice to have cuddle time but not in your bed. In fact put him in his bed with a tee shirt of yours so he has your scent and let him go to sleep. How about a baby gate to keep him in the room? Maybe dad should get more involved with this child so that they can "bond" better since he was away most of the infancy time frame and doesn't know who dad is. Been here done that as my husband was away from my son from 6 to 18 months. You are going to have to put your foot down firmly and demand the rules or else you will wind up being used as doormat.

Being a military wife is a different animal than a civilian wife. Yes, hubby will be gone as you experienced and you will the sole parent with all the responsibilities. It is sometimes harder for the men to readjust to family life after being away and it takes time for them the reenter this world. They usually are slower at it than we would like for help.

Have a talk with hubby about how you feel and see if he has a solution that will benefit all.

Besides you two need time together to reconnect without all the children up and in the way. It's called a routine. Once established it does work. Write me back if you have questions. Wife of retired Air Force member who served 23.5 and I served 20.5 and traveled around the US and Europe. Good luck to you.

well my theory is a little tough love :) I know it sucks but I would def. try to put together a good nighttime routine kids really like and need one that way they know what to expect. And maybe it is just me but my big thing was to make sure my kiddo knew how to fall asleep on his own from when he was a baby, so I would do as the other person who replied and nicely, but firmly put him back in his bed tell him night, night you will see him in the morning and leave the room. The longer you stay and drag it out the harder it is for you and him. I only have one a 2.5 year old boy and his big thing right now is he says "snuggle mommy" and it about kills me b/c it is so sweet but I try not to lay down with him just rub his back and head say his prayers, tell him night, night and that I love him and walk out the room. It is hard I know but the sooner you nip in the butt the sooner you get a good nights sleep :) Good Luck!

Supernanny on ABC on some Wed nights shares her tricks:
1. have a routine: playtime, bath, 1-2 books, prayers, kisses, bedtime, "love you"
2. if they get up, the first time say: time for bed, sweetie
3. if they get up again, do not say anything, just walk them back to bed, tuck them in and leave
4. continue step 3 as many times as needed (one family on Supernanny had to do it for about an hour and a half- but the next night, it only took a few times and each night after that was wonderful!)
5. consistency is the key- do NOT give in or you will be back to the beginning and the child will be confused.
It has worked for so many; I am sure it can work for you but you and your husband need to be in agreement before you start.

I Not to be mean, but if you don't stop this now, it will just get worst. One of my sisters had a problem with their son not staying in his bed and continuing to get up. She put one of those child proof door knob covers on the inside of the bedroom door and shut him in his room. He cried for about 3-4 nights at the door wanting out, but after that he stayed in his bed in his room. Of course those first few nights she checked on him to make sure he was ok, but made him stay in there. It was certainly hard for her to do that, and have to listen to him cry for those nights, but in the long run, once that week was over, she and her husband both got more sleep and so did her son.

Hi E.! We put a sleeping bag beside our bed for our son to get into in the middle of the night. They sometimes go through a time when they are scared and this seemed to help. Eventually he stopped coming down just knowing the sleeping bag was there eased his mind. Hope this helps.

Kim

Hi, E.... I'm wondering if you put a pallet on the floor next to your side of the bed if you could get your son to sleep on it when he comes in your room. You could eventually move it farther and farther away from your bed until he's in the hallway or even into his own room. Another suggestion, if you're willing, you could allow him to go sleep with his older sibling instead of with mom and dad.

Another piece of advice... I read that you get up twice a night to take your oldest child to the bathroom, my sons Urologist says this is the worst mistake parents can make. He says the kids are never fully awake so you are actually encouraging their bodies to pee in their sleep. He says it can also cause children to start having dreams that they are in the bathroom, using the potty when they're actually still asleep in their beds. For my son, we used a pullup every night, he called them his night night undies, he finally stopped wetting the bed in the first grade and hasn't had but 2 accidents since. (He's going into 4th now) We never made him feel bad or punished him for wetting the bed, just told him he would stop when his body was ready.

Sounds like simple jealousy to me. He is apprehensive with a new person in the house. He is used to having mommy mostly to himself. Understandable behavior. Are you trying to potty train your 23 months old? Maybe an overnight pull up or diaper for him. Or put a small porta potty close by so he can do it himself. Maybe your husband need to take turns with you since he is now home. That way the boys see that he is now part of the family, not just mommy. I had a friend of mine whose husband went to Iraq. The oldest boy took the role of man of the house very seriously. He slept with his mother and basically did not play for a year. When his daddy returned, he turned back into a typical kid. Interesting, how kids alter their behavior when something is out of loop for them. Incorporate your husband in some of the wee morning hour activities so your son sees he is there for them as well. Good luck!

I am in no way trying to be mean or anything just try to help with an idea... maybe since your husband has been gone for so long you, know since he was 2 weeks, maybe he feels that there is a stranger in the house or maybe he feels like he needs to be close to you because of the changes going on or maybe he is a little jealous for mommy's attention i mean before you probably would just go to bed after him or get him to sleep without a second thought because you didn't have the need to spend time with your husband since he was away (maybe not..)...anyway it may not be any of those I am just giving ideas I know when I was married to a military man my kids didn't adjust well when he came home because of the changes and the new devision of attention in the house...

K. hope that helps

His routine has been altered so that is most likely the the cause. I work with autistic children who mostly all have digestive issues (just background so you know where I'm coming from) So, although this may not be the case for your son, some kids have reflex or tummy pain which causes them not to sleep well.