Sleepless in Lubbock!!!!

This is the age where the brain of the toddler begins to dream. They can start having "night terrors." Below is the response that I gave to another mom with a similar problem.

4-29-08
When I was pregnant with my first child (23 years ago), I was watching the Phil Donahue Show and they were discussing a new book called "The Family Bed." The author was a proponent of parents snuggling with their children during sleep. The author said, "Separate bedrooms are an artificial human invention that came along only after World War II - - as a sign of affluence. If you had money, you would show your wealth by having a house with many bedrooms." Think about it: our great-grandfathers most likely shared ONE bed with four brothers.

He went on to talk about nightmares in young children and how he believed that forcing a young child to sleep alone in a dark room just went against how young humans were MEANT to be raised. He said, "Our skin is the largest organ in the body. It is meant to be touched. If you deprive an infant from touch, it will fail to thrive."

A woman in the audience stood up and confronted this author. She said, "When my son has a nightmare, we just go into his room with a glass of water, and tell him, "Drink the water and it will wash away all the bad dreams."

The author politely listened to this woman, then he gently said to her, "Tell me, how would you feel if you went to your husband and said, 'Honey, I just really need a hug right now' and your husband said, 'Here, seetheart, have a glass of water.'?"

I decided right then and there, that I would follow the simple rule that this author proposed: KIDS ARE NEVER INVITED AND NEVER REFUSED.

All four of my children were welcome to come in and sleep in our room if they felt they needed to. If one of them came in and climbed up in-between us, their daddy wouldn't even wake up!! I would ALWAYS wake up . . . and then without a word, pull them up close, pull the covers back over us, fling an arm over them, and go right back to sleep. Sometimes, I'd wake in the morning, with one tiny leg draped across my face and another little body stretched across the foot of the bed. In their own sweet time, each child smoothly transitioned to spending all night alone in their "big kid beds". They matured naturally and could handle waking up after a dream or night terror, go to the bathroom, or just go back to sleep on all on their own. ((I discovered early on that if one of my children woke up screaming with a night terror, I could sometimes sleep-walk them to the bathroom & get them to go pee-pee, they would sleep soundly the rest of the night. Perhaps the urge to pee-pee might be a cause of night disturbances in young children just developing potty training skills.))

My daughter, was the earliest to QUIT coming in our room. She hated covers and would kick them off. She would get hot sleeping between us. So, she stopped coming in by age 2 or 2 1/2.

Waking up surrounded by kids are some of my happiest memories from that time of my life. Now, my kids are 23, 21, 18, and 11, and if you ask them about climbing into mommy and daddy's bed, they don't remember. They don't even remember going to DisneyWorld at age 5 & age 3.

Listen to me now: They will be teenagers soon enough. Teenagers squirm when you try to hug them. You're gonna' miss these days when they wanted to snuggle. : )

Get an aerosol can and totally cover the outside of it with construction paper. Label the construction paper with scarey stuff be gone. Every night before bed, pretend to spray the room/under her bed with the ssbg. Maybe kneeling at bed time and saying a prayer would help. She could ask God to protect her from the scarey stuff.

hang in there.

If you really want her to stay in her room for the night every night, I agree with Kathy, you need to stay with her for a few nights all night long, start in her bed, then move to a palate on the floor, then closer to the door, etc. She likely has had a VERY profound nightmare that scared her badly and she feels unsafe in there. I would also let her sleep with lights on and soforth. Whatever makes her feel safe. It sounds in your email like she is awake and fighting going to bed. Not sure if it is the night terrors as that happens consistently while they are sleeping. If you are a Christian then during the day reinforce to her verses about God's protection and prayer at night for it and for strength and courage. The best thing to do is to build up her confidence and her security. Without that this could turn into a trial that lasts for years.

Many Blessings!!

Hi L.,

Do these screams happen every night or has it been a few times? And how long do the episodes last? It sounds to me like it could possibly be night terrors. My daughter had quite a few night terros just before she turned two. She had quite a few transitions going on at the same time - she started preschool after being with a nanny for almost two years, she transitioned to her big girl bed, and at the same time we were expecting a new baby too.

She would wake up in the middle of the night, usually always around the midnight mark, thrashing in her bed and screaming. When we would try to sit with her, she would almost hit on us as if we were the ones attacking her. We would need to get her some milk (for comfort), turn the lights on, and sit with her and tell her it was okay until she snapped out of the terrors and knew where she was. She would go right back to sleep once we put her in the bed.

As far as keeping her in her room, I suggest putting a gate in her doorway. She might still sleep at the door for a while (my daughter recently went through this phase a couple months ago for about a week), but we've always had a gate at her door and she can't get out.

Good luck!

-Char

Dear Sleepless in Lubbock,
WOW...i guess i would move the bed in another place, in her room...change the sheets...(let her pick them out...something friendly...fav. character)...also...one of the things I had to do when I was a stay at home mom, when my daughter came to our bed, i would just get up and go back with her and finish sleeping with her in her bed...that way my husband could sleep...(he was going to college at the same time also)...Also, this will show that if you like sleeping there...it must be ok...
I guess another thing that i would look at is what is she watching on TV, and what is she eating...full babies sleep better...i'm sure you know that...but give her some milk before she goes to bed...
You can also ask her while your in there with her...what is it that you don't like about your bed???
Try the changes...so what happens...Good luck and i hope you get some sleep soon...
Awake in Lubbock, K.

Has anything in her routine changed? Anything happen that might have frightened her?
I was the same way when I was her age and older but there were so many things happening in my life that my parents were not aware of (not to say this is the case with you) My advice is to take it slow She is still so little.
Also my daughter started becoming afraid of shadows in her room when she was 3&4. Good luck!

I had that problem with my son. The easiest way I found to solve the problem was to spray perfume under the bed and tell him it was magic spray to keep the monsters away. His job was to breath slowly and as long as the smell was there, he would be fine. It worked.

Hi L.,

I have not had the exact same experience but will share what I can. My second child loved his crib and did not want to give it up. We taught him how to safely climb out of the crib. It was next to a bed so he just climbed over the rail onto the bed. We told him when he was three he had to sleep in a big boy bed. We did this several times to prepare him for the transition. He was our child that did not like change. With our youngest she slept in her crib until she was one and decided she did not like it anymore. I think the bars scared her. We pulled out the trundle bed for her to sleep. She got to where she would not sleep there either. My youngest had several ear infections. She never had fever but would cry in the night. Once we got that figured out we tried the Super Nanny technique. Put your little one to bed and sit on the floor next to her bed with your head down. No eye contact. The first time she gets out of bed but her back and say "it's time for bed" (whatever your night time phrase is). The second time she gets out of bed put her back and say "night-night" (shorter than the first). Each time after that put her to bed WITHOUT saying a word. No matter how exhausted or frustrated do not talk to her. You stay in her room with your head down until she falls asleep. We had a few nights this took over an hour. After a few days sit a little farther from the bed. Eventually you will be by the door and she will know to go to sleep on her own. Make sure your husband follows the same pattern when he puts her to sleep. If she goes to sleep when Daddy puts her to bed let him have that job.

During the day talk about how her room is filled with all her special things. Her room is her special place. Play in there together.

Could she be sensing stress from you or your husband? A new baby, Daddy preparing for his masters, and everyone low on sleep can be stressful. Children are very observant.

I hope you find what you are looking for.