Pressure

hmm, this brings to mind a story I read. This woman's child was autistic and never spoke a word. She was out with her child. Other children were out as well in an environment that was very envigorating. All the children were being loud except the one woman's child. Someone came up and commented how good her child was because he was quiet.
When people say things - good or bad it comes from their prespective and we hear it through ours. As we know communication is a two way street.
I suggest you let your child be and let yourself be the way you want to be.
It also reminds me of when my children were young. I left my abusive husband when my son was two and my daughter 4 months old. We lived with friends. I did not let my children be themselves. I was hypervigilant to have them be perfect. I took care of needs before they were asked for. Playing was not something that I let them do in the way they wanted. Every thing was controlled, clean and quiet.
You see I depended on being with these friends and if my children had disappointed them I was fearful they would ask us to leave.
From all this control, my daughter would cry if she had food crumbs on her face, dress, etc. My son never got dirty when he played. He did not even know how to play like other boys until he was five. And then I saw how boys were supposed to play.
So, my advice: let go a bit and smile as you get to know who your daugther really is.
Good luck :)

This has been a major issue for me as well with my nine month old son. He was extremely colicky for the first six months so everytime I took him out it was like walking on egg shells because I knew he would cry. My stomach was in knots thinking of what other people must be thinking. I went to great lengths to make sure all his needs were met before we went out (we only went out when it was absolutely necessary), but even still as soon as he let out a cry I had ten strangers around me telling me he was hungry and that I should have been feeding him, swaddling him, wrapping him in more blankets,etc. I was miserable, hated being in public. I knew I was being a good mother and these people shouldn't make me doubt myself but it's hard not to. Now its the opposite. Hunter loves being out, loves getting attention from strangers and i have so many people come up and tell me what a happy baby he is. I'm grateful for their nice comments but at the same time I remember how negative the public's reactions were before and it makes me resentful. Just because I had a fussy baby, I had a less enjoyable baby in their eyes.
Anyways, it's not easy but you really just have to learn to ignore other people's opinions when it comes to your daughter. She'll have good days, and bad days and everyone will want to butt in with their opinion. I say work up your fake smile and just let it all slide. You know you have a sweet but human baby who is entitled to all her moods, you should embrace that!

Hi E.,

How fortunate you are to have a well baby.

I'm sure you hear from alot of mom's how good and amazing their child is and how they have had the same experience as you. I have have experienced the same thing as you and many other mom's and realize how good and amazing she is. I just give her that energy back and it is an amazing feedback cycle. My child is a miracle baby at 2 yrs old and has been a precious gift. Don't ever feel pressure, that is something you are putting on yourself. All mothers should know that all babies get tired, sick and fussy moments and be understanding about it (even the most well behaved children still have fussy moments as it is their own way of communicating). A baby being tired can also be a blessing and give you moment to connect with another mom in the playgroup for a half our. Infants can usually sleep anywhere. Enjoy this time and freedom while they are infants which can last until a few months over a year. What is the most important is how precious she is to you and for you to reciprocate back to her. Just enjoy how well behaved she is, tired or not. As long as she feels loved and accepted by you no matter what mood she is in, that is all that matters.

Enjoy!

I still have the same issue with my three year old. My friends call her a "Stepford" child. It sucks. I feel like I have to be on her all the time when we're out shopping or eating or whatever. My husband tries to tell me that she's three and kids aren't expected to be "good" all the time. That only works when he's with us. When it's just her & I, I find myself constantly picking at her, I feel so bad for it but, she has an "image" that we need to maintain. I don't have any advice for you really, other than try to stop yourself now while your baby is still young, otherwise you're going to end up stressing yourself out over your baby's every move. Good luck.

While being in public, I've had comments regarding how well behaved my oldest is and also how bad she is.

I also have another daughter who is 10.5 months. People all the time say she's a "good baby". I've never really understood what that means. I think they say it because your baby isn't screaming her head off.

So, my suggestion is this - ignore them. If they comment on your baby and it's nice, thank them and walk away. Take it with a grain of salt.

If they say bad things about your kid, tell them that you don't remember seeing them in the delivery room and walk away. Take it with a grain of salt.

For some reason, when you have a child, the public at large feel they should be involved in the rearing of that child. I let the person make their comments and thank them as I move along. Some people just want to remember and share those memories with someone. I frequently have older ladies and gentlemen come to see my youngest. They remember their children and move on.

The thing is - you and your husband know your daughter. You know all her little moods. You know if she IS being good or if she is just being a baby. Your opinion is the ONLY one that matters. If you think the baby is being good - great! Just understand that people DO feel that they need to comment when they see a baby - and sometimes for lack of somethig else to say, they go with the ol' "Your baby is so good". Smile and nod; back away slowly.

I appreciate when other people say that my baby is cute. I'll be really honest in my answer and I hope I don't sound rude. All these people won't either educate your baby, or have the responsalilities you have towards her. They don't give you any economical help and my guess is you won't see most of them ever again. So pay close attention to the task at hand and worry less about what people think. You'll do just fine mommy!

Hi E., I think it shows your doing something right in the way your raising your child. I don't know why you feel pressured. I used to get compliments like that all the time about my daughter when she was that age and older. Enjoy it now, because as there growing they go thru phases. My daughter is now 25 and beautiful adult. She now tells me, Mom I owe you for all the things I put you thru. They do change, wait til grade school, and high school. My perfect child used to wear nothing but black, then it was wide legged jeans, skateboards, only name brand clothes. Now she checksout the sale racks, uses coupons, knows how to budget, and has a good job and lives on her own. I think I did something right. Just watch for the changes, but enjoy and love her. P. S

You shouldn't feel pressure from anyone to keeep up a certain way of how your baby is perceived. Just be fortunate that your baby is healthy and is able to laugh and play. There are so many children out there that are not so fortunate. Enjoy the time you have her and don't sacrifice what everyone else wants for what your daughter to be. LOve her. Cherish her. For the time will come when you realize how much she has grown in such a short amount of time.

I had the same issue, but it came and went rather quickly. When my son was first born everyone mentioned how sweet and quiet he was, and how he napped all the time. Well, after I stopped breastfeeding (I wasn't producing what he needed) we placed him on milk based formula which did not agree with his stomach at all - and all he did was scream. People stopped coming over and I took that as "no one wants to see my baby anyway" so I stopped going out of the house. In fact, I hadn't gone out of the house for two months, until recently. And I have my best friend to thank for that. She told me (since she has a son of her own as well) "Babies are babies. People know they're babies. They will get over it."
So let your baby be a baby, and don't care what other people think! I'm going to say she's perfect just the way she is (fussy or not!)

I agree with all these other moms. I have three children 4, 2, and 8 months. I get comments also, and have for all three. That they are such good babies. Then there are those days when they act up and you get the looks like your a bad mom. All kids act up once in a while. They have good days and bad. Don't be ashamed of having a bad day. I know it's hard, but just hold your head high and care for your daughters needs. People that don't have children are usually the ones that give the bad looks out in public and thats because they don't understand what its like with kids. Kids are wonderful but they have good and bad moods too. With three children I usually have some issue out in public but I just ignore the rest of the world and tend to my children. Don't stress about your daughter being perfect. Babies are not perfect, but she is still your beautiful little girl!!