Preschool Fears - Olathe,KS

First of all I know you know that teachers go to school to learn how to handle children. The teachers at the tumbling class, its highly unlikely.

Now, to share my child is also sensitive/intuitive/extremely shy. She just started preschool this past fall. It was quite an adjustment, but overall has been a wonderful experience. Her teacher was/is very good with her and like you I had a chat with her about my daughters personality before school started. What I came to find out, is, my daughter acts very different at school. She almost shocks me most of the time. Things I can't get her to do at home she has no problem at school. So I think as long as you feel comfortable with the teacher you should have nothing to worry about. I got a great feeling with my daughters teacher and boy was I right. Eventually though, I am sure they will have one they don't like, so its good they learn to adapt.

Hi! I know how hard it can be when you have a sensitive child and feel that if others don't treat him accordingly, his little spirit might be broken. I have a sensitive son, very sensitive son. One time I had my friend watch him, and he spilled a drink, but she didn't know which child did it, so she said "who spilled this?" just a little sternly. Well, he started crying and said "I did it, I"m sorry, I'm sorry".....She felt so terrible! She told me that she didn't know how sensitive he was while getting in trouble. The thing that I realized at that moment, was that situations like that are imperative in his life in order to make him well rounded. We can't go around every day and walk in front of our child to clear the way of any dangers, just like we can't go around and make sure people are all aware of how we think our child needs to be talked to. Our kids need to learn the different ways people interact and talk. If we keep them from experiencing this, they will walk through the beginning years of their life thinking that everything is peachy and rosy, and then when they start school and maybe have a difficult teacher one year, they'll struggle and their academics will suffer. My daughter has had 2 very strict teachers so far, and she's only in 2nd grade. Her 1st and 2nd grade teachers are both teachers that all the kids said "you don't want her", but she does fine, and I explained to her that just because they're strict, doesn't mean anything, it is just how they feel is the best way to teach. If you don't allow your son to experience someone being strict and maybe not having the best manners with the please and thank you's, he's going to really experience a whole new world during elementary school. My son, who is now 6, is still very sensitive, but he can handle things better now. He's been in Judo for 2 years, and his judo instructors are very strict, at times they'll say "Do not whine, boys do not whine" They're there to teach discipline and everything else that comes along with taking a form of martial arts. It was hard for me at first, but I never let my son know that. When he'd be instructed to do push ups because he wasn't listening, and would look at me through the parents' watch window, I'd just smile and wave at him. Now, having said that, I have to add that my son LOVES his teachers and they are absolutely wonderful with the kids. They teach them discipline, but they also play games and make class super fun. I think it's great for kids to experience hardness, it only prepares them for normal life outside their home. I still struggle with my son, seeing him let his sister walk all over him, and having to explain to him that he needs to stick up for himself, but I'm hoping that in the next year or two, he'll get the right words to change that too.

If you tell the teacher that you're son is sensitive and likes to be talked to a certain way, you're going to make the teacher watch how she interacts with him, true.....but she'll be doing that to protect herself, not the child, and who does that REALLY benefit? Remember, you won't always be there to clear the road, so let him run into some obstacles and adapt to them on his own while the lessons are still very much free and also very much free from bad consequences.

My son is super sensitive too. But I also agree with the previous poster that it is good for kids at a young age to learn how to deal with different people and different ways of communicating. My son has had all different varities of teachers (super strict, a little strict, more lenient) in his 2 years of prek and in 2nd grade now. He has worked well with all of them. 2 of his teachers (1 in pre-k and his k teacher) "seemed" really lenient as it was a little loud in the classroom when you walked in but once there that teacher knew exactly what was going on and when it needed to get quiet it became that very quickly. My son did great with them and also great with the teachers that didn't want a peep out of the kids. Before I said something (unless of course he has a special need like diagnosed learning disability, ADHD, or other need) I would see how your son does in the class and get his feelings on it. Going by 2 teenagers in a extra curricular class can be very disheartening:-) See how the teachers interact with your child and how he responds to it. It can become an invaluable life lesson as he learns to co-exist with people not exactly like him or he might thrive and be content with the way they treat him. If you want to though by all means to stop by the school yourself but unless it is a safety issue give it a chance before you step in. Also, with my son it made him feel like a really big boy to work with the teachers himself. Good luck with it.

You sound an awful lot like me in the way you think about your child. I, too, have a little guy who is super-loving and super-sensitive, but at the same time, is a total brut, a bull in a china shop, if you will, and can be extremely energetic to the point of exhaustion (mine! - lol)... so I definitely get where you're coming from.

I also have experience with instructors without a clue about how to relate to or instruct young children. Our local YMCA is notorious for hiring teenagers to teach gymnastics, swimming, etc., and they are typically not well equipped for teaching. And I get totally frustrated for the same reasons you seem to. I try to keep an even keel about it all, at times deciding to find a different place to do the activity if the instruction is absolutely that bad, and at other times, deciding to stick it out, and hope that the experience will be a learning experience for my son (and for me) as far as dealing with different kinds of people, instructional styles, etc., realizing that this is only the beginning of a lot of years of these experiences.

And like you, I realize that my son is not unique in his traits, but to me, his mom who sees his innermost self, he IS unique. And although as his mom, I am completely over-defensive, over-sensitive, and over-protective (well, at least in my mind - I try not to be in reality), I also realize that he is far more resilient than I give him credit. When something negative happens to him, like someone is unkind or something, it sends me into a frenzy for days. Meanwhile, he has forgotten about it hours, sometimes minutes later. I'm sure your little guy is equally as resilient, and probably far more adaptable than you give him credit.

It's desperately hard to put our little ones out into the often cruel world and see how they fare. We want to shelter them from all the bad out there and keep them safe and happy. But we have to remember that without tears, we can't know joy... without adversity, we can't find our strength... you get the point. We owe it to our little ones to allow them the opportunities to develop coping mechanisms, to figure how to navigate through life. But we also owe it to them to be right there for them at those times when they fall or fail, to scoop them back up, love them like only mommy does, and give them the push they need to get back out there.

Best wishes to you!

Your fears are completely justified. Unfortunately, most preschool teachers are not professional or have a degree of expertise in the field. I know first hand, as a mom, and having done numerous field observations.(will be graduating with my Associates of Applied Science in Early Childhood Education in 10 weeks:)

How can you feel better? Thoroughly interview the school(s) you are considering. Are they state certified? Are they NAEYC(National Association for the Education of Young Children) accredited? What is the center's philosophy of learning? What is their guidance policy? Do they use discipline(time-outs,etc..) or do they create a personalized plan to help the child succeed? What is the education level/requirements of their lead teaching staff? Of their assistants? How can parents be involved during the day, etc. How are final decisions made regarding issues?

Usually by asking these key questions you will start to get a real sense if this center is a good fit for you. And keeping the dialogue open is essential to solving future issues, because they will arise over time. Good luck in your search.