My daughter was enrolled in a pre tumble class. We take her to a place that has random classes so she can interact with other kids since I am a stay at home mom. This was the first class that we were supposed to sit outside the room instead of interacting with her. The first class went ok. She handled about half of it...then she looked out of the window and my husband was out of view. So she started crying and wanting her dad. So we took her out and calmed her down and she didn't want to go back in.
We tried again the next week and she did't even make it through the door. She just kept saying she was scared and wanted to go home. I was a little ticked at my husband because I came into the room with her and was going to sit inside the room until she was comfortable, but my husband turned around and walked out so she freaked again.
Just this last week we tried again and had the same results, except my husband did come in this time, but it didn't help. She still said she was scared and wanted to go home. So I went and talked to the people and pulled her out of the class and put her in a parent/child one. I didn't want to fill a spot when we weren't even there for 30 seconds when another kid could be enjoying the class.
My husband thinks we gave up too soon. What do you think?
BTW she is three and this place usually starts the classes without parent involvement at that age, so our class pickings are getting smaller. But, I think that we shouldn't force her into it and the school is being pretty accommodating.
EDIT: This really isn't a we wanted to or she wanted to. She just turned three so, she isn't making those decisions yet. She really enjoyed parent/child gymnastics so this class was just the next step. The teacher is actually one of her favorites, so it really surprised me that she was so scared. I really don't think she is being manipulative, she just really seems scared. She knows crying to get her way doesn't fly, and she has rarely ever had a real tantrum.
Double edit: She doesn't go to preschool or anything yet. She did daycare for the first 15 months before we moved and I became a stay at home mom and she was fine. She seems to be able to run around the school and the play area just fine with out us being right there and it ok with it. We can't just put her in the class and leave her. One: It's not fair to the other kids to have one really disruptive student and the class is only half an hour long. Two: a parent has to be present, we just sit outside the room and watch through a window.
She's not ready yet. Sign up for a few of the mom and me classes. I had mine in a two day a week preschool while they were two and three, even though I am a say at home mom. That way they knew they could be OK without me.
I learned when teaching preschool and when our own kids were in preschool that the best thing to do is give them hugs and kisses and leave. Build it up before you get there. Talk about what they will be doing and how much fun it will be. The longer you hang around the worse it is. I would ask the teacher to distract her while you leave. It is actually a perfect situation for her to learn that you will be back for her in just a little while because it is such a short class. The whole point is to help her get over the separation anxiety and become more independent.
Sorry, I know you were annoyed with him, but I actually think your husband did the right thing by leaving.
No you shouldn't force her. However, she is having separation anxiety. Or she is not comfortable with the teacher(s).
I would NOT have pulled her out of the class. I would have allowed the teacher to handle it and come in when the teacher signaled me to.
If this is a class she stated she wanted to take, she needs to continue with it. If this is something YOU wanted her to do - see if the school will refund a portion of your money and try again when she's a little older.
However, if she knows she can manipulate you by crying to get her way - she may continue to do that all the time. I don't know your daughter so it's hard for me gauge.
J., is there anything that she does that is without you and/or your husband? Does she go to preschool? What about Sunday School?
If she can't seem to pry herself away from you for anything, I would say that you have a problem on your hands. I don't know that this is what is happening per say, but it sure sounds like it.
I would talk to your ped about putting together some ways to manage her separation anxiety. Part of it certainly sounds like it. But some of it also sounds like this is getting positive attention for acting like a scared little girl, and she could end up learning to act like a "victim" to get loving responses from people. You don't want her turning into an adult who acts like that.
Kids manipulate people around them to get attention that they want. It's the parents' job to correctly assess when this is happening and treat it in a way that fixes the problem.
Talk to your ped. I think it's important for you to have some help in figuring out where to go with this.
Good luck,
Dawn
I would have done the same thing. Maybe she is having separation anxiety or maybe she really doesn't like (or feel secure in) the class. I would try another class, maybe not a tumbling class.
Has she been interacting in other groups without you well? How social is she? Does she have playgroups, preschool, friends, neighbors, etc.
It sounds like classic separation anxiety.
I personally would not MAKE her go but I would not coddle to her attention getting antics to get her way. She is learning early on how to manipulate you. Think about her being 16, having this manipulation trait well versed, and then the battles you'll have?? Much bigger battles at 16....
I would do my best to make it a positive experience and keep going. Little by little she'll gain confidence about separating from mom and dad.
It sounds like the school is working nicely with you.
Also, if you haven't already, you and and dad need some time together without her.... get a sitter, get her used to knowing that she is ok for a couple hours without you in her sight.
Good luck.. it is stressful for parents and children to separate sometimes. Make it a fun adventure.
Insert "swimming" and this was my son. He took about a year to get use to the idea and now we're the FIRST ones in the pool and the LAST ones out. Give her time. She'll warm up eventually.
I BAILED out on Kindermusik. What a f-ing nightmare. SO much for mommy meeting other mom's. I'm having a flashback--I need to go lay down. LOL.
I wouldn't push it just yet . . . she's still pretty small. Some kids go slower with this stuff.
JMO.
Why dont you keep her in a mommy and me tumbling class for another year. Check cheering places sometimes they have nice ones that arent so strict
She could just have a "slow to warm up temperament," which often goes with being a thoughtful, sensitive, contemplative kid. Chances are, this one gymnastics class has now been poisoned in her mind. I would let that option go and try another place. Just give the teacher a heads-up about her separation issues. I've seen preschool teachers do extraordinary things if they're given a heads-up: they'll say very softly "Oh Maddie. I'm so glad you're here. My name is Miss J., and we have something special and fun planned for today. Will you please be my helper with ...." (I'm making up the names, but you get the idea.)
I think you did the right thing - I don't think forcing a child at this age into something that they are scared of (for whatever reason) isn't really the answer. Some kids are just "slow to warm up" - a little boy from my daughter's preschool class that she is friends with is like that. DD does a gymnastics class once a week that is without the parent - we just sit outside and can watch through the windows. I had a voucher for a friend to try the class for free so this boys' mother took me up on the offer and brought her son to try out the class with DD. He refused to go into the room - his mom kept talking to him and trying to encourage him and he just would not do it. Finally after 15 minutes (it's a 45 minute class) the instructor said it was okay for Mom to join in if that's what it took, but even then Mom could not get him to join in. It took another 15 minutes to get him to participate with her by his side. He ended up having fun, but it was just too bad that he only got 15 minutes out of a 45 minute class. He's also one of the kids that cries at preschool drop-off time and takes a while to calm down after Mom leaves. His mom said he's the same way at birthday parties - even if she stays with him, it takes him 2 hours to decide to join in the fun, and then the party's almost over.
Point being is, some kids are just like that and at this age, I would just stay with her and see if after a while she gets more confident with you leaving.
