Premie Still in the Hospital.

My daughter was born at 34 weeks, she stayed for 2 weeks. My stress relief was her. I would be irratable all day, until i was there with her. If I could not sleep i would call the hospital, or go to the hospital to see her. The hardest thing for me to cope with was the fact that my son could not see her. The NICU was very strict on that, no children under a certain age. I understood why, but it was very hard to tell a 4 year old that his sister was sick.

Hi A.,
I haven't been in your shoes; actually I was the infant that stayed behind. (can't tell now.....)

Here are just some thoughts that came to mind:
1. For pumping support, there is a website: www.pumpingmoms.org
My friend leaned on this site for support from other moms; her child also was in the NICU; she pumped 14 months for him. (Kudos to her....I got worn out after 9 weeks when I returned to work)

2. DELEGATE, DELEGATE, DELEGATE. Find help. Your family, friends, church. LET OTHERS HELP YOU. When people ask "how are you?" Tell them the truth. "I am doing my best. I really need some help; I feel overwhelmed." People will help if they know you need it.

3. God gives us two defenses in this world...His word and Prayer. I encourage you to start your day with a time with God. It doesn't have to be long, but it will center you for the day ahead. My day, as calm as it may seem to your days currently, is effected if I don't start this way. I also have my favorite scriptures hanging in my bathroom on the mirror...a way to encourage me through the day.
Here are a few of my favorite:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer 29:11

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecc 11:5

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7

I will be praying for you. PRAYER is so powerful. If there is something you need---don't hesitate to ask. Here is my email...feel free to see if I can help you too. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old....maybe a playdate so you can get somethings done would be helpful. I can come help with your house cleaning one evening if that would help....

____@____.com

A.,

This most important thing is that your children are safe and well cared for. The least important thing is a clean house and potty training. You don't need to take care of your husband right now; he needs to take care of you and your two year old.

Get all the help you possibly can, and if you are still stressed, give up breastfeeding or pumping. Although breast milk is certainly best, what your baby needs even more is a relaxed, happy mom (or at least a less frazzled one!). Formula fed babies can still be happy, healthy, smart babies.

I was in your shoes three years ago. It's not easy, but you will make it, and so will your baby. Ask your husband to take over groceries, meals, and laundry, or ask him to find someone who can. You need to focus on caring for your children and yourself.

I agree with Laura - there is something unsettling about being unhappy with your due date. At any rate, focus on the positives and be realistic with where you're at right now. It all passes - but it all turns into something else! So we all have to learn to manage the stresses. God bless you!

God never gives you more than you can bear; He will give you the strength you need to get through this time. Concentrate on the miracle that happened, not the inconvenience and hard times - decades ago a baby born like yours would not stand a chance; now it's likely your baby will get better and thrive and be part of your routine before you know it. I have two sets of twins. My girls were 3 when the boys were born. the boys were born at 34.5 weeks, and had to be in NICU for 2.5 weeks. I was recovering from C-Section and could not drive, and my husband was working out of town. Friends can help, other things can be shifted around or not done. It is very hard to make time for your older children, but you must do so. Take them with you to the hospital, and make them part of this process. Have them root for you and the baby and looking forward to when the babies come home. Know that the baby is being well cared for at the hospital and you will have planty of time to bond when he or she comes home. My boys came home and three months later I had to go into the hospital with a lump on my throat the size of a golfball. All went fine and we all got through it. My boys at age 1 are as big as 2 year olds; so they have outgrown their premie status. They don't remember being in the hospital. If you don't produce enough breastmilk, just give formula to make enough and don't worry a bit. That's what I did and my kids are huge now. Take care, sleep when you can and enjoy this special time the best you can.

Hi A.,

Congratulations on your new baby!!!! It is such a hard thing having your baby born early and having them in the NICU. My twin girls were born at 28 weeks and were in the NICU for a little over 7 weeks. My husband and I were fortunate that they were our 1st so we didn't have to juggle time with our other children. While we were in the NICU we got to know a lot of families that had other children at home and my husband and I often talked about how hard that would be. I am pregnant with my 4th right now and worry about how we would manage if she came early. My advice to you would be
1) Let most things at home go and rely on friends or family to help with the necessities (grocery shopping, laundry, cooking meals etc).
2) If the hospital where your baby is staying has a kid friendly waiting area take the kids to the hospital with you and you and your husband take turns going into the NICU with the baby while the other one spends time with the older kids. Maybe even take turns going to the hospital(i.e. he goes Mondays, you go Tuesdays, he goes mornings, you go evenings,)
3) Consider spending time at the hospital early in the morning or late in the evening while your other two are sleeping. Some of my favorite times at the hospital were at like 5 am. The nurses would get me a comfy recliner and I could hold the babies and close my eyes to rest. Plus there weren't alot of other parents there so it was quiet and peaceful (aside from the alarms anyways)
4) Take things like bills to pay to the hospital with you and work on them during times that you can't hold the baby.
5) Talk to the nurses about how your feeling. They have met lots of families going through the same thing and can probably give you some great advice. The hospital we were at had a NICU family support group that met once a week and if not maybe they can put you in touch with a family who had the same issues. We are still friends with many of the families we came to know. It was so nice having someone to talk to who had been down the same path.

And most of all remember that before you know it you'll be bringing her home. I was very lucky and got to bring mine home at only 35 gestational weeks (we got out 5 weeks earlier than they initially told us we would) and I will pray that the same is true for your family and Kara. Beautiful name by the way. Congratulations and hang in there before you know it, this will all be a distant memory and you will have a healthy baby that noone will ever know came so early.

Hi A.,
What great advice the other Mom's have given! My water broke at 28 weeks and I was hospitalized on bedrest for 6 weeks until they took my daughter by C-section at 34 weeks. With all the drugs and unused body for six weeks I was too tired at times to stand let alone breastfeed. I let my husband or the nursery feed her formula which we had sworn we weren't going to do. I breastfed when my energy level went up a bit. What helped me was prayer and surrendering to the fact that I am not expected to be super mom and am not in control of the universe. I felt guilty for things I shouldn't have felt guilty about, like my daughter coming early and having to have such a rough time. I talked to my friends about my struggles, I talked to my husband, I talked to my baby about my struggles and disappointments. My baby and I cried together alot. I cried from exhaustion and physical & emotional pain my baby cried because that is what babies do sometimes-even when all their needs are met.
Let your house be a mess for awhile. Breastmilk is the best nutrition to give your child but there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong in giving Kara formula, especially if it will protect your sanity! I was formula fed from day one and I don't hold it against my mom :).
Let your hubby in on how you are feeling, if he doesn't understand explain it to him again later and then again. Ask him for specific help. Let him share the load, he probably wants to anyways. Try to just focus on Kara and let the potty training and other things wait for a more appropriate time.
If your parents or your husband's parents are nearby, recruit them to come and stay with you and help for a week or two.
If you have a church you are a part of reach out to them. Ask for help from anyone whom you remotely call a friend. Don't feel guilty about it because there will be a time when you can help.
Sleep is very important. I noticed myself sliding into depression very easily and feeling overwhelmed when I didn't get enough of it. Maybe your doctor can give you ambien or something similar that doesn't affect your milk but will let you sleep. Talk to some other mom's face to face(frequently) until you are feeling better.
I live in Euless, let me know if I can help.

I don't know but both mine were early but only my first child I had to leave in the NICU at the hospital. He was 33 weeks early
and I also pumped at home. But the very hardest thing was
leaving the baby in the hospital. I don't think you ever prepared for that. You just expect you will leave with baby in arms.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and I did alot of praying. Within a few weeks he got to come home.
But they sent Home Health Nurses that came to our house,
to check on the baby,which was nice to be home.

Just do your best and pump if you can. Since I lost so much time with the baby I was never really able to just breast feed and
had to pump and then add it to his bottle. But the Dr said even alittle is good for them.

My oldest is 4 and No one knows he was a premie now and his sister is 2 1/2.

So it will get better just keep the faith and prayer does wonders,
it helped me through a very difficult time. Seeing my baby in the NICU with tubes everywhere was so hard. I hope your baby gets to come home soon.

First off, congratulations and I wish the best for you and your family.

I have a friend who had her baby unexpectedly at 21 weeks last Dec. Of course, everyone is concerned for you and your baby and everyone wants updates so it makes things stressful for you to keep on updating everyone and keeping your sanity.

She got on a website called www.caringbridge.org and set up a page for her daughter. Everyone could go to her daughter's page to get the updates she put in as she was able to do so. You can post pics of your baby and there is a guestbook page so people can send messages to you and your family.

Her baby was released from the hospital in April (right about her due date) and they are home doing well now. She still updates the caringbridge because so many people have been there to keep up with how things are going. When someone is logged on to your baby's site, everytime you update the page, everyone gets an email stating that you have updated your page.

They also met other parents in the NICU that were going through the same things. This is just a thought so you might be able to releive a little stress and write about your baby at the same time.

Best wishes.
Susan

A.
Your post concerns me. You seem very unhappy ie "I wasn't happy about being due October 24th.." Please rest, have alone time with your new baby, and like the others said delegate. Forget about the potty training, it is a non issue in my opinion. Your health and personal well being is most important. NICU nurses and docs are great. My son was in the NICU as well and it was soooo hard, but I took advantage of sleeping at night, and visited him 2x/day when my other child was asleep.

Hang in there! I have twins and my son was 2 1/2 when they were born. They were severely jaundice and I had to feed them every two hours around the clock. I was pumping, too. It was so stressful and sleeping was impossible.

I would suggest;

Do the bare minimum to the house.

Rest whenever you can.

Ask friends/family to help out. They can take your daughter to the park while you take a nap, do a load of laundry, or run the vacuum. It was hard for me to ask people but I couldn't have made it without their help.

Don't stress about potty training your daughter right now. They sometimes regress when a new baby comes home, anyway. We stopped pushing it with our son and tried again about three months after the girls came home. He was trained in two weeks even with the chaos of having twins. He was almost 3.

I agree with the other ladies...hold off on the potty training! It's too stressful a time for your daughter to make such a big change right now, and you certainly don't have the time or (probably) the patience needed to devote to it right now. My baby wasn't using the potty until she was three.

When asking for help, give people specific tasks. Don't just say "I need help!" Give your husband, mom, friend, whoever a list of things you need done. Hubby, do the dishes and sweep the floor. Mom, pick up some things at the grocery store and make dinner. Things like that. If you try to do it all you'll end up going crazy!

Also, speak with your OB. It's possible that you'll have some PPD issues, which you shouldn't have to deal with on your own, either.

I have no idea. Are you a member of a church? Maybe you could reach out to your church family and ask for some help.
If you need an extra pair of hands so you can have some time to yourself, feel free to email me. (I live in Irving)
Have you thought about going and getting a massage? There is a local massage school (www.HandsOnApproach.com) where you can get a 1 hour massage with an intern for $30. (And the interns are GREAT, the instructor there is fabulous and trains the students really well.)

Hang in there!